Ladies when did you stop turning heads?

[Anonymous]

I had a torrid affair at 38. Maybe 45?

[Anonymous]

It is freeing.

You were taught that your looks were the basis of your power and value. How sad. Males get to be whole, well rounded humans.

When you are older you can use your many other skills and talents to move through the world. You do not need a man’s attention or approval. They, in fact, lose their power over you!

🍾

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting topic for me (and one I have been cogitating on, examining my new role in the world). I am 57 and was very attractive when I was younger. Pretty hot until late 40s I think it is fair to say. Not just good looking, but charismatic; witty, engaging, super smart. (Being honest here in an anonymous forum). I am still decent looking but let’s get real - no woman at 57 is “hot” ….and I am finding that is okay! But it is interesting to ponder the change in the way one interacts with the world. Mulling further, I am still smart and witty and fun (again trying to be frank about how I navigate the world as an older woman) so that gives me currency - but it is absolutely different than when I had the “it”/hot factor. But not worse different (since other things have come to replace that urgency of youth to be desired), just different. It happens to everyone, OP - embrace it! .

At 63, I don’t miss being admired, but there is a slow and steady realization that men don’t really engage with women they aren’t attracted to. All joking and intellectual banter between the sexes is just gone. I thought I was smart and funny, but I was just younger and attractive. Men don’t really want to have just normal everyday conversations with me. It’s okay- I have been married forever and I am not interested in any new intimacies. Now I just talk to women, who don’t scan the room when I speak.

It is so true that if you are young and pretty, everyone is friendly and helpful. It was not until I started to lose my looks that I realized much of that was a function of my appearance. There are studies that prove this. It is somewhat disillusioning. I don’t think the people who operate this way are even necessarily aware of their biases.

(And when someone powerful at work came on to me, after having previously praised my work or talent..,it was such a letdown. My actual work merited the compliments, but they were being offered for the wrong reasons!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why women are supposed to doll up, wear revealing clothes, make up, jewelry, designer duds, perfume, hair dye, nail paint etc etc.

Why just basic cleaning and grooming like men isn't enough by society's standards?

Because if the men get us to focus on this crap, and to pick each other apart over it, then they don’t have to truly compete with us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 42 and an Asian twin. We are tall and thin with long dark hair. We have turned heads our whole lives, especially when we are together. It’s gotten even worse as our daughters have gotten older and walk around with us. They are stunning.

So many amazingly beautiful women on DCUM! Many of whom look far younger than their age. I'm not sure where they're all hiding in DC (but maybe DCUM just attracts beautiful women from around the country).

NP but curious why you picked this Asian poster specifically for your sarcastic takedown?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a different set of circumstances. I was objectively hot in my 20s, but looked rough in my 30s - first, pregnancy took its toll, then, I developed an autoimmune disorder, then, perimenopause. I had grown used to being invisible. But then, I lost all of the weight at 43-44. The heads that turn now are older, but I definitely get much more attention than I have in many years. Even full body scans. I figure I have another 3-4 years, max, before I become invisible again.

You likely underestimated your attractiveness in your 30s and are overestimating it now. Instead, it was/is about confidence. You had kids in your 30s and sure, you probably gained weight and looked tired. But the biggest thing is that becoming a mom upends your sense of self and feels relegating in terms of society. You lost your conference device and your focus was also constantly pulled to your kids. Then your kids got older and needed you less, you found yourself again and were able to focus on yourself (which led you to lose weight), and that has resulted in more confidence.

A similar thing would have happened if you'd had kids in your 20s, or your 40s. It's not the weight or your appearance, it's how you feel and your position in society impacting your confidence and sense of self.

Our culture is weird towards moms, especially of young kids, asking an enormous amount from them while also treating all that effort as worthless somehow. It's really hard to feel attractive through those years. I was actually at my thinnest about two years after having my last kid, and I've never felt less attractive.

[Anonymous]

I still turn heads but the men are older than I and I am 74.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still turn heads but the men are older than I and I am 74.

Good point.I now turn the heads of men who are so ancient, I wish I was invisible to them. It is just awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a 50 years old man I have found women to be far more confident in their looks and attractiveness as they age. Women still have a dedicated skincare/makeup routine well into old age. That kind of dedication must have results else women won't keep doing it.

Perhaps they would rather not get attention from bold and big bellied men like me and would rather have younger sexier men look at them instead lol, but I don't think women ever stop turning heads.

I don't know what most of us men tend to notice younger women more despite the fact that in 9/10 times they would never look our way and when they do they are looking for something to extract lol.

I am delusional, a 30 years old woman who agrees to engage with me either romantically or sexually in 99% of cases I could be financially attractive. Yes I work out, but I am 50 and bold with a protruding belly.

Lol!
My guess is that you have the personality to attract any woman you want, belly and all. You're right about younger women looking to extract something too (financial stability). Most of these women are CRAZY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why women are supposed to doll up, wear revealing clothes, make up, jewelry, designer duds, perfume, hair dye, nail paint etc etc.

Why just basic cleaning and grooming like men isn't enough by society's standards?

Because if the men get us to focus on this crap, and to pick each other apart over it, then they don’t have to truly compete with us

Yep! That's why I trained my daughters to get their hair and makeup routine to 10 min. They need to conform to society's standards without being a prisoner to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a torrid affair at 38. Maybe 45?

I had a torrid affair at 45. Maybe 50?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 42 and an Asian twin. We are tall and thin with long dark hair. We have turned heads our whole lives, especially when we are together. It’s gotten even worse as our daughters have gotten older and walk around with us. They are stunning.

So many amazingly beautiful women on DCUM! Many of whom look far younger than their age. I'm not sure where they're all hiding in DC (but maybe DCUM just attracts beautiful women from around the country).

NP but curious why you picked this Asian poster specifically for your sarcastic takedown?

DP. I don’t know why the poster did it, but that PP wasn’t just a head turner, the whole family is stunning! Stunning x 4. It’s a lot. (I’m also Asian by the way.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 42 and an Asian twin. We are tall and thin with long dark hair. We have turned heads our whole lives, especially when we are together. It’s gotten even worse as our daughters have gotten older and walk around with us. They are stunning.

So many amazingly beautiful women on DCUM! Many of whom look far younger than their age. I'm not sure where they're all hiding in DC (but maybe DCUM just attracts beautiful women from around the country).

NP but curious why you picked this Asian poster specifically for your sarcastic takedown?

Good one

[Anonymous]

55 or so Black female.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've always been ugly so luckily have never had to deal with this very difficult problem. One time a homeless person told me I was too ugly to wear the skirt I was wearing, and a father/son tourist duo laughed, but that's the closest I've come to turning a head.

Thoughts and prayers, OP.

How sad for all of them pp. You are beautiful.