Read my Dad's memoir; description of my childhood was a gut punch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would write that chapter from your perspective OP. Not to send it to him or anything, just to append it to the book for your kid.

This. Keep the book and your response and give it to your child later.

As for your dad - when he asks if you’ve read the memoir yet, say no. Later you can tell him you misplaced it. Read the first page and fell asleep. Dropped coffee on it. Whatever. Don’t engage and don’t compliment him for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a narcissist.

Totally. Thinks so highly of himself that he wrote a memoir!? Pathetic. Just a typical man who wants to feel that his time on earth was full of importance and purpose and wants his story to be set into history in a way that keeps him squarely as the hero of his own story. I'm sorry your father let you down and was such a unprincipled person. They fact that he's desperate for you to read "his book" and is surely waiting for compliments and accolades makes me sick on your behalf, OP. The lack of self awareness is breathtaking. I say you write him a letter where you express your disappointment in how he glossed over how he single-handedly unraveled your life and tell him you don't want talk about his book. Don't give him the attention and validation he seeks. Garbage. I'm sorry, OP.

I agree with you in this particular instance, and all due respect, but if you objectively look at the ranks of aspiring memoirists the vast majority of women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would write that chapter from your perspective OP. Not to send it to him or anything, just to append it to the book for your kid.

This. Keep the book and your response pop and give it to your child later.

As for your dad - when he asks if you’ve read the memoir yet, say no. Later you can tell him you misplaced it. Read the first page and fell asleep. Dropped coffee on it. Whatever. Don’t engage and don’t compliment him for it.

+1. Don’t waste your energy on something you don’t want to incited by him.

[Anonymous]

Oh hell no. I’m so sorry OP. If it were me, I’d completely detach.
“Did you read my memoir?”
“Yes, I did. So nice that you had a chance to write all that down. Anyways, I better go. Have a great night!”

[Anonymous]

Is this loser famous enough to sell a memoir?

Then you are famous enough to sell "the real story" memoir.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would write that chapter from your perspective OP. Not to send it to him or anything, just to append it to the book for your kid.

This. Keep the book and your response and give it to your child later.

As for your dad - when he asks if you’ve read the memoir yet, say no. Later you can tell him you misplaced it. Read the first page and fell asleep. Dropped coffee on it. Whatever. Don’t engage and don’t compliment him for it.

I must have misplaced it. Send me another copy of you have time.

[Anonymous]

Lots of people write memories. It's a good idea. Maybe not for publishing but we are losing our family history and ties. There are memoir classes even in our town. They all aren't narcissists. It's just a way of trying to remember stories from your life that you can pass down to family members.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people write memories. It's a good idea. Maybe not for publishing but we are losing our family history and ties. There are memoir classes even in our town. They all aren't narcissists. It's just a way of trying to remember stories from your life that you can pass down to family members.

Agreed, except this guy wrote HIS story, not THE story

[Anonymous]

OP, I would thank him for writing about it but tell him you cannot bring yourself to read it as it was so painful and you have done your best to work through it and put it behind you. I would then tell him that you think it is great that he wrote a whole book about processing his feelings around the divorce, losing you guys as kids etc etc. That way, when he thinks "ummm it was actually only a paragraph" or worse, says it out loud, you can blink, pause and then talk about the weather and move on.

In other words I'd play dumb and hope he leaves me in his will. I wouldn't piss him off and lose any potential payout/guilt money.

[Anonymous]

A memoir with a paragraph devoted to the divorce and aftermath.
Well, he is obviously a very self absorbed man.

You should write him that letter and definitely point out how there is a causal relationship between what he did and how his daughters can't trust men and haven't married. They really don't understand that they are a template for the future relationships of their daughters and he really botched it.
But of course, he will not get it because he's too self-absorbed.

[Anonymous]

Just simply - Dad, I've moved on with my life but I want to be very clear on two points that we will likely never see eye to eye on:

1) You were a horrible and selfish human being to leave your daughters for a new woman and child. You deserved everything I said and more now that I truly understand being a Mom myself.

2) You are still completely myopic on this subject. Why in the world would you send this to my Mom? I am glad to have some record of who you are despite disagreeing with your whitewashing events. But Mom? She does not need this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has been so validating. Thanks to every one of you. It's so uncomfortable to feel this affected by those long-ago events. I'm now the mom of a middle schooler and we have so much going on in our lives that requires my full attention...revisiting those dark chapters was unexpected and unwelcome. As we know, DCUM consensus is rare, but a consensus that my Dad's crappy book is in fact, crappy, really helps.

Another here. Your dad's crappy book is, in fact, supremely crappy. Who writes a memoir if they are Joe Nobody?
You can burn it in a bonfire (snap a pic for him) or put in a stack of "outside toilet paper for camping" (snap a pic for him) or put it in a "bin of books nobody wants; not even the library" and snap a pic of the recycle guys picking it up. Make a photobook!

+1 NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would write that chapter from your perspective OP. Not to send it to him or anything, just to append it to the book for your kid.

This. And then offer it to some newspaper as an opinion column or publish it yourself on social media. Sounds like your father is famous enough that he wrote a memoir and expects people to buy it. Put all the dirt down and have at it. You can entitle it "A child's view of my pompous dad's {name} life choices". The only thing that takes such people down a peg or two is if OTHER people actually get to know the real them, not the picture-perfect polished version that they've built of themselves for so long.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would write that chapter from your perspective OP. Not to send it to him or anything, just to append it to the book for your kid.

This. Keep the book and your response and give it to your child later.

As for your dad - when he asks if you’ve read the memoir yet, say no. Later you can tell him you misplaced it. Read the first page and fell asleep. Dropped coffee on it. Whatever. Don’t engage and don’t compliment him for it.

I must have misplaced it. Send me another copy of you have time.

Agreed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just simply - Dad, I've moved on with my life but I want to be very clear on two points that we will likely never see eye to eye on:

1) You were a horrible and selfish human being to leave your daughters for a new woman and child. You deserved everything I said and more now that I truly understand being a Mom myself.

2) You are still completely myopic on this subject. Why in the world would you send this to my Mom? I am glad to have some record of who you are despite disagreeing with your whitewashing events. But Mom? She does not need this.

Bold. I used to do stuff like this, but got exhausted when it served no purpose except to make them invalidate me more and dig into their story (or even feel more justified.)