Read my Dad's memoir; description of my childhood was a gut punch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP my mom is similar to this. She didn't have an affair and destroy the family in such a cruel way, but she would have massive mental blow ups all throughout our childhood and always keep us off kilter, and now, in her 80s, likes to talk about what a great job she did raising us. She is the master at rewriting history and it's so unbelievable to hear her take. Literally no basis in reality, with her the hero of every story. Last time I visited I saw a notebook full of stories she's telling about her life, and damn, pure fiction where it comes to our childhood. If I got an actual book on that I would not take it with the grace you're showing.

I'm sorry he did that to you, then and now.

Oh this is so like my mom. It’s incredibly frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Send him the lin to this thread, op.

[Anonymous]

why don't you send him your memoir? Write something that describes how his treatment of you, your sister and your mother was the defining moment of your life, the "before and after" moment and how that altered the trajectory of your life. It doesn't have to be long. I think this would be more impactful and would highlight your very different perspective.

[Anonymous]

My father did this. After being diagnosed with a terminal disease. He was pretty awful in terms of divorce. I would have understood getting divorced as an adult. But he didn't support his children DESPITE making nearly a million a year as a surgeon. He had two more kids who he raised totally different in California (left us behind in Chicago). He didn't go to my or my sister's wedding, never saw his grandchild, and was pretty ridiculously awful. I got something like you OP in the mail, here in DC.

I literally decided to fly to California. I lied and said I was "so moved" by his book to his wife. I went to Huntington Beach and we had dinner and caught up. He was so proud of my accomplishments (I am a physician) and talked about what wonderful children I have and it was a trip down memory lane.

We went to the beach and I basically told him I came for closure. I wanted him to know he's completely utterly full of it, should be in prison for failing to pay child support (he very creatively paid his wife for his work and was "broke" building his business) so my mother couldn't garnish his wages and failed to get a judge to be bothered to look into the BS, and told him I was so excited he was dying. I laughed. I cried. I then said, "I can't wait for you to be dead! Whatever hell there is, I cannot wait for you to go there or experience eternal darkness or just getting eaten by worms!" I then started yelling "worm food" at him pointing and laughing while I walked away.

Yes, it was dumb, petty and ridiculous. But it was closure. I still laugh at it.

What's wild is when he died, my sister and I got HALF HIS ESTATE. As part of the divorce, the sole thing my mother was able to get was half his estate in death. His wife tried suing to fight this, but we got an attorney to enforce it. She had to pay OUR attorney fees. So, thanks for the 3.5 million dollars after taxes, jerk.

[Anonymous]

PP here. We, his daughters, were the beneficiaries, I mean. Not my mom.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who cheats (especially with children) is selfish and cowardly. No one can convince me otherwise.

-Saw my stepdad cheat on my mom (they had a small child - scarred me for life. Was cheated on with a small child (and one on the way)…trauma compounded and my children with this man will suffer always for it.

It’s just unforgivable OP. Your dad is likely a narcissist and is clearly definitely incapable of self-reflection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father did this. After being diagnosed with a terminal disease. He was pretty awful in terms of divorce. I would have understood getting divorced as an adult. But he didn't support his children DESPITE making nearly a million a year as a surgeon. He had two more kids who he raised totally different in California (left us behind in Chicago). He didn't go to my or my sister's wedding, never saw his grandchild, and was pretty ridiculously awful. I got something like you OP in the mail, here in DC.

I literally decided to fly to California. I lied and said I was "so moved" by his book to his wife. I went to Huntington Beach and we had dinner and caught up. He was so proud of my accomplishments (I am a physician) and talked about what wonderful children I have and it was a trip down memory lane.

We went to the beach and I basically told him I came for closure. I wanted him to know he's completely utterly full of it, should be in prison for failing to pay child support (he very creatively paid his wife for his work and was "broke" building his business) so my mother couldn't garnish his wages and failed to get a judge to be bothered to look into the BS, and told him I was so excited he was dying. I laughed. I cried. I then said, "I can't wait for you to be dead! Whatever hell there is, I cannot wait for you to go there or experience eternal darkness or just getting eaten by worms!" I then started yelling "worm food" at him pointing and laughing while I walked away.

Yes, it was dumb, petty and ridiculous. But it was closure. I still laugh at it.

What's wild is when he died, my sister and I got HALF HIS ESTATE. As part of the divorce, the sole thing my mother was able to get was half his estate in death. His wife tried suing to fight this, but we got an attorney to enforce it. She had to pay OUR attorney fees. So, thanks for the 3.5 million dollars after taxes, jerk.

Bless you PP. I totally understand.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure what advice I'd give about this particular situation for you OP, just commiseration in that the failings of my immediate family have been the greatest disappointments of my life. There are a lot of good things to say about them, like with everyone, but their failures to be caring, loving people overshadow all else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why don't you send him your memoir? Write something that describes how his treatment of you, your sister and your mother was the defining moment of your life, the "before and after" moment and how that altered the trajectory of your life. It doesn't have to be long. I think this would be more impactful and would highlight your very different perspective.

+1

[Anonymous]

My father did the same thing and worse things.
I cut him off.
You chose to continue loving him. That was your choice. Things didn't have to be that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father did this. After being diagnosed with a terminal disease. He was pretty awful in terms of divorce. I would have understood getting divorced as an adult. But he didn't support his children DESPITE making nearly a million a year as a surgeon. He had two more kids who he raised totally different in California (left us behind in Chicago). He didn't go to my or my sister's wedding, never saw his grandchild, and was pretty ridiculously awful. I got something like you OP in the mail, here in DC.

I literally decided to fly to California. I lied and said I was "so moved" by his book to his wife. I went to Huntington Beach and we had dinner and caught up. He was so proud of my accomplishments (I am a physician) and talked about what wonderful children I have and it was a trip down memory lane.

We went to the beach and I basically told him I came for closure. I wanted him to know he's completely utterly full of it, should be in prison for failing to pay child support (he very creatively paid his wife for his work and was "broke" building his business) so my mother couldn't garnish his wages and failed to get a judge to be bothered to look into the BS, and told him I was so excited he was dying. I laughed. I cried. I then said, "I can't wait for you to be dead! Whatever hell there is, I cannot wait for you to go there or experience eternal darkness or just getting eaten by worms!" I then started yelling "worm food" at him pointing and laughing while I walked away.

Yes, it was dumb, petty and ridiculous. But it was closure. I still laugh at it.

What's wild is when he died, my sister and I got HALF HIS ESTATE. As part of the divorce, the sole thing my mother was able to get was half his estate in death. His wife tried suing to fight this, but we got an attorney to enforce it. She had to pay OUR attorney fees. So, thanks for the 3.5 million dollars after taxes, jerk.

Wow! Did you and your sister each get 3.5? So the wife got 7M and was still fighting it? Wkw.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry, OP. Some of these narcissists are just truly outrageous. What your father clearly wants here is to get a rise out of you and maybe another effort to convince you “he” was right all along. People have suggested writing heartfelt letters, rebuttal chapters, etc. Don’t do it. It’s a trap.

You need to respond as close to gray rock as you can.

Hey Dad, got your book. Sounds like you had a really interesting life. I’m glad you were able to put it all to paper so you could share with those of us who couldn’t be there. Hope you’re doing well, catch up soon. -daughter

That’s it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I agree, write him a letter of disappointment. He sounds selfish and it’s time someone held him accountable.

+1

I personally think it was insensitive of him to give your Mother a copy of his memoir after all he put her through.

Even if it has been years. 💔💔💔

[Anonymous]

I’m shocked you continue to seek a relationship with him. You are a kind person. And he’s a complete narcissist and will never understand your perspective and will never feel bad for what he did. I don’t understand how he could think that sending you his memoir would be a gift to you. Completely psychotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a narcissist.

Yes, he’s the main character (so fitting he wrote a book about himself lol) and OP’s just there to support is story arc.