If you were an affluent, unmotivated kid - what turned you light bulb on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we are affluent but I’ve kept my kids grounded, they have been brought up with faith, family time, service work, friends, fun. They’ve also been exposed to realities of life - sickness, reading about and media news about those less fortunate and the homeless, world situations, etc. They’ve volunteered and gave had summer jobs.

We’re a proactive family about therapy, dealing with every kind of issue- anxiety , depression, learning disabilities. Yet, my son, 16 year old son is a lump on a log.

I ask him what he wants out of life what motivates him- he doesn’t know. I have to ask him specific questions- you like working outside? On computers all day inside? Work with kids? Do you want a hardworking life or a smoother, less stressful life. He’s slug-like with his responses.

I asked him, his therapist asked him- if he’s depressed, he says he’s not. He’s just “out there.” I don’t know what to do; he’s a good kid, no drugs, alcohol, has friends. Do I just accept he’s a flake? I don’t want to send him to college (if he can find one with his grades) to waste his/our time and money to coast an additional 4 years.

If you were like this, when did you wake up? What motivated you? What age? What are you doing now?


Faith lol that is crap

You think church is going to make the kid who lived in your house motivated?

Your raised a lazy entitled brat.

There is no requirement they go to college

Tell your kid the get a job now.
The. They at 18 either full time job and out of your house or a college they can get into and they take loans you will pay them. Back if and only if they get Bs abd above occasional C is of. They have to show rfffort and graduate.

Or job community college live at home as long as grades are good.

Otherwise at 18 they are in their own

You did this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps you hovered too much. So far maybe bring a bit too proactive and involved? Back off let him make some mistakes and then see who he responds to your not making big deal about him having to learn from cute consequences. Also maybe he isn’t cut out to be so amazing. Harsh truth for some. Focus on making him get a job and not be on electronic devices. That’s all you can really do at this age. He will likely mature some this coming year or two but not if mommy is always telling him how to solve his problems ( we will tune that out) and not if he is always being treated like a problem to solve. Back off and. Lower expectations and he might surprise you. Also maybe help him find something that ties into any interest he does have? What are they? When he was 10 what did he like to do? Build things? Sports? Be outside? Read? What besides video games that you did not pick and schedule for him? Move from that and bring that back into his life. He doesn’t need to be able to verbalize what motivates him at this age, that is understandable for many kids his age. You might just be making him feel worse and less motivated by putting so much pressure on him to be able to verbalize and name his motivation.

OP, don’t follow this advice. You being asked to perform a different type of cuddling. Right now, just focus on helping him finish high school and move on from there. He can go to a local college afterwards allowing you time to figure out next steps. Don’t drive yourself crazy. Many of us have been as this is a common issue with mostly boys, at least half the boys that I know from similar backgrounds. Again, first, focus on getting him through HS graduation and don’t think beyond that right now.

[Anonymous]

In DC, try Dr. Malachi Richardson or Tim Pineau. They both come really highly recommended, especially for teenagers.

[Anonymous]

My parents were very into themselves. Typical Gen X parents. It was easy to see that I was never going to be their focus and had to get out and meet other people and figure out something to do with my life. All that working for their attention made me a very Type A overachiever. I think now my generation focusses on kids too much and a little acting more like our parents would help them be more independent.

[Anonymous]

I think we also watched a lot of family shows with everyone very connected and busy with life and I wanted those families and lives rather than the colder versions at home. It was motivating. Now kids watch depressing stuff on TV about very unconnected people to others and life or fantasy that is escapist and I wonder if it makes them more depressed.