If you were an affluent, unmotivated kid - what turned you light bulb on

[Anonymous]

He's your dud. Every parent has a dud. It's why we have multiple kids.

If he's your only, I'm sorry. Maybe he'll grow out of it.

[Anonymous]

Yes to a summer job. The more manual the better. Summer jobs offer more than a paycheck. He will learn to show up on time (responsible), check the weekly schedule, do as he is told and deal with customers (the nice ones and the A-holes).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we are affluent but I’ve kept my kids grounded, they have been brought up with faith, family time, service work, friends, fun. They’ve also been exposed to realities of life - sickness, reading about and media news about those less fortunate and the homeless, world situations, etc. They’ve volunteered and gave had summer jobs.

We’re a proactive family about therapy, dealing with every kind of issue- anxiety , depression, learning disabilities. Yet, my son, 16 year old son is a lump on a log.

I ask him what he wants out of life what motivates him- he doesn’t know. I have to ask him specific questions- you like working outside? On computers all day inside? Work with kids? Do you want a hardworking life or a smoother, less stressful life. He’s slug-like with his responses.

I asked him, his therapist asked him- if he’s depressed, he says he’s not. He’s just “out there.” I don’t know what to do; he’s a good kid, no drugs, alcohol, has friends. Do I just accept he’s a flake? I don’t want to send him to college (if he can find one with his grades) to waste his/our time and money to coast an additional 4 years.

If you were like this, when did you wake up? What motivated you? What age? What are you doing now?

If you suspect he’s depressed, more should be done than simply asking him whether he’s depressed. He may not feel easily identifiable “sadness,” even if he is suffering from depression, so he might say no because he’s not even aware of the different ways that depression can present. Have someone who is trained to diagnose depression administer a screening.

[Anonymous]

I honestly think that intelligence has a lot more to do with attitudes and outcomes than people will admit or acknowledge. It’s hard to accept that some people can’t be helped.

Unless of course your son wasn’t always like this and that there’s been a change in personality in which case I’d deal with it differently.

[Anonymous]

He's depressed because his life is easy and boring.

[Anonymous]

Personally, working a minimum wage retail job as a teenager really impressed upon me the importance of getting a college education and setting myself up for a "successful" career. I didn't want the lives of my store managers who were in their 20s and 30s, dealing with low pay, working nights and weekends while trying to juggle family responsibilities, terrible benefits, and few options for advancement.

Sounds like working might be good for your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a common problem with young men right now. Watch his exposure to video games and chat rooms. Young men are being exposed to a ton of harmful messages about their self-worth and blaming it on others (especially women).

Understand that the messaging and radicalization they’re exposed to is no different than what created ISIS or other terroir organizations.

Plenty of those harmful messages are seen here on DCUM.

Because 4 Chan trolls come here too. We adults can keep scrolling, but teen boys are targeted and influenced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a common problem with young men right now. Watch his exposure to video games and chat rooms. Young men are being exposed to a ton of harmful messages about their self-worth and blaming it on others (especially women).

Understand that the messaging and radicalization they’re exposed to is no different than what created ISIS or other terroir organizations.

Frightening! Outside of this, I don't understand why this is happening with boys. Is there a book on this or documentary on television. Andrew Tate?

[Anonymous]

You need to limit tv time, games, screens and make him get a job, volunteer, join a school activity. Gaming is a particular poison for white boys.

[Anonymous]

College degree or no college degree? Either way, U.S. military. Just the perks are better if you enlist with a BA and apply for officer school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a common problem with young men right now. Watch his exposure to video games and chat rooms. Young men are being exposed to a ton of harmful messages about their self-worth and blaming it on others (especially women).

Understand that the messaging and radicalization they’re exposed to is no different than what created ISIS or other terroir organizations.

Frightening! Outside of this, I don't understand why this is happening with boys. Is there a book on this or documentary on television. Andrew Tate?

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-49363958

https://www.npr.org/2022/05/22/1100614913/how-parents-can-spot-the-warning-signs-of-radicalization-in-their-kids

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/examining-the-warning-signs-of-online-extremism-targeting-young-people


https://www.childrenandscreens.org/learn-explore/research/youth-and-online-polarization-and-radicalization/


https://www.vice.com/en/article/how-lonely-men-are-radicalized-online-and-turn-their-rage-into-violence/

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cne4vw1x83po


And an article I read recently specifically mentioned that Boy Scouts are being targeted by white supremacist groups. I’ll try to find it.


There’s a book called DISINFORMED too.

[Anonymous]

Also related: The Antisocial Network on Netflix

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, working a minimum wage retail job as a teenager really impressed upon me the importance of getting a college education and setting myself up for a "successful" career. I didn't want the lives of my store managers who were in their 20s and 30s, dealing with low pay, working nights and weekends while trying to juggle family responsibilities, terrible benefits, and few options for advancement.

Sounds like working might be good for your son.

Totally disagree. Those jobs put impressionable kids around total losers who are into drugs and other degeneracy. You want your slacker orbiting motivated peers with their shit together, not equally unmotivated or worse. 20 years ago my teenage niece was a hostess at a local diner and the 20 something manager started a relationship with her and tried to marry her before she went off to college!

[Anonymous]

Drowning kids in therapy makes them ruminate instead of focusing outward on the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes to a summer job. The more manual the better. Summer jobs offer more than a paycheck. He will learn to show up on time (responsible), check the weekly schedule, do as he is told and deal with customers (the nice ones and the A-holes).

Ah yes, 8 to 10 weeks of a hourly summer job will totally fix a maladjusted teenager. Or... it won't change him at all and he'll be even more defiant once he has some money in his pocket.