If you were an affluent, unmotivated kid - what turned you light bulb on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16 years old is a pretty baked cake. Expecting a kid that old to do a 180 is a bit delusional.

He doesn’t need a 180. He just needs to mature a bit. He has a good support system so he’ll find his way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

This is either another childless troll or a parent with a slacker dopey kid trying to rationalize it’s normal. It’s only normal in the sense that it’s an epidemic among American teen boys. That doesn’t mean you just sit back and let it happen.

Boys like this need a short stint in the military. Doesn’t mean they’re cannon fodder, plenty of non combat roles. I’ve seen it work dozens of times — transform lazy smart kids into motivated and aggressive. I’ve also seen UMC parents piss away large sums of money sending boys like this to college and they NEVER grow up.

Neither, but nice try. I have two wonderful teens, a boy and a girl.

I’ve gone back to read the OP again and I’m struggling to find exactly what is so problematic about this kid, other than that he’s not particularly communicative with his parents, which is very typical for a teen boy. OP mentions his grades, but that could mean he’s getting B’s [gasp] for all we know. Otherwise, he volunteers, has had summer jobs, has friends, is not using drugs, is not depressed according to his therapist. What is the problem?

OP here- Try low C, D, and pepper in F on tests and eventually a grade F grade…

If I didn’t ask him questions, positively push him- he would just play video games, or sit in front of the TV.

FYI- We took his phone as a consequence and he’s allowed no gaming for right now. We have allowed him to go to a few school events for school championship games and to connect with friends but on a limited basis so he won’t get depressed. He has a summer job lined up.

He’s a spoiled runt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

This is either another childless troll or a parent with a slacker dopey kid trying to rationalize it’s normal. It’s only normal in the sense that it’s an epidemic among American teen boys. That doesn’t mean you just sit back and let it happen.

Boys like this need a short stint in the military. Doesn’t mean they’re cannon fodder, plenty of non combat roles. I’ve seen it work dozens of times — transform lazy smart kids into motivated and aggressive. I’ve also seen UMC parents piss away large sums of money sending boys like this to college and they NEVER grow up.

Neither, but nice try. I have two wonderful teens, a boy and a girl.

I’ve gone back to read the OP again and I’m struggling to find exactly what is so problematic about this kid, other than that he’s not particularly communicative with his parents, which is very typical for a teen boy. OP mentions his grades, but that could mean he’s getting B’s [gasp] for all we know. Otherwise, he volunteers, has had summer jobs, has friends, is not using drugs, is not depressed according to his therapist. What is the problem?

OP here- Try low C, D, and pepper in F on tests and eventually a grade F grade…

If I didn’t ask him questions, positively push him- he would just play video games, or sit in front of the TV.

FYI- We took his phone as a consequence and he’s allowed no gaming for right now. We have allowed him to go to a few school events for school championship games and to connect with friends but on a limited basis so he won’t get depressed. He has a summer job lined up.

Where's dad?

[Anonymous]

Do most 16 years old know what they want to do? Can you back off and let him be a kid? Geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

This is either another childless troll or a parent with a slacker dopey kid trying to rationalize it’s normal. It’s only normal in the sense that it’s an epidemic among American teen boys. That doesn’t mean you just sit back and let it happen.

Boys like this need a short stint in the military. Doesn’t mean they’re cannon fodder, plenty of non combat roles. I’ve seen it work dozens of times — transform lazy smart kids into motivated and aggressive. I’ve also seen UMC parents piss away large sums of money sending boys like this to college and they NEVER grow up.

Neither, but nice try. I have two wonderful teens, a boy and a girl.

I’ve gone back to read the OP again and I’m struggling to find exactly what is so problematic about this kid, other than that he’s not particularly communicative with his parents, which is very typical for a teen boy. OP mentions his grades, but that could mean he’s getting B’s [gasp] for all we know. Otherwise, he volunteers, has had summer jobs, has friends, is not using drugs, is not depressed according to his therapist. What is the problem?

OP here- Try low C, D, and pepper in F on tests and eventually a grade F grade…

If I didn’t ask him questions, positively push him- he would just play video games, or sit in front of the TV.

FYI- We took his phone as a consequence and he’s allowed no gaming for right now. We have allowed him to go to a few school events for school championship games and to connect with friends but on a limited basis so he won’t get depressed. He has a summer job lined up.

Does he have adhd? If so repost in special needs forum...he sounds like many teen boys with adhd

[Anonymous]

Seems like you could easily afford to send him to an 'outward bound' type of summer camp. He needs to become independent and experience hardship, some suffering and face some challenges.

Kids that have it too easy and lounge around all day don't become resilient and outgoing, they become what you have described your son as.... lazy, listless and acting depressed. They crave real life challenges and instructions. 2-week to a month-long outdoor camp, like outward bound, are transfromative and helps kids become more independent and develop self confidence.

I'd really look into a real summer camp for young men.

[Anonymous]

A summer job in construction.

Jobs are the best therapy. Keep busy, stop overanalyzing your life.

[Anonymous]

I think maybe he is depressed. As someone who has depression I showed many of the symptoms your son also shows. And before anyone says "that's just how teenage boys are" I'm a girl.

[Anonymous]

My son is in the same boat. I threw this back at my husband for babying him, not giving DS consequences, and spoiling DS with every thing he wants.

We’ve had so many fights over this that I just stepped back. Nothing I say, as a mom counts; i told DH he can deal with it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do most 16 years old know what they want to do? Can you back off and let him be a kid? Geez.

It's not about "knowing what they want to do", but he's getting Ds and Fs. No child from an UMC who doesn't have any SN should get Ds and Fs. He's not trying one bit. He has no thought about his future other than playing on the computer. He has no thought about how much it costs to live because he comes from an UMC and his parents have done everything for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is in the same boat. I threw this back at my husband for babying him, not giving DS consequences, and spoiling DS with every thing he wants.

We’ve had so many fights over this that I just stepped back. Nothing I say, as a mom counts; i told DH he can deal with it now.

was your DH like this as a teen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you could easily afford to send him to an 'outward bound' type of summer camp. He needs to become independent and experience hardship, some suffering and face some challenges.

Kids that have it too easy and lounge around all day don't become resilient and outgoing, they become what you have described your son as.... lazy, listless and acting depressed. They crave real life challenges and instructions. 2-week to a month-long outdoor camp, like outward bound, are transfromative and helps kids become more independent and develop self confidence.

I'd really look into a real summer camp for young men.

Military school is also great for kids who lack any discipline and are lazy.

[Anonymous]

My family has a long history of late bloomers. I put in zero effort in high school and college. Working full time was good for me- it was highly structured, there were clear expectations and I learned what it was like living off of $30k/year. I then went to law school and graduated at the top of my class. I often heard how my dad and uncle were the exact same.

The smartest, hardest working lawyer on my team often talks about how he was a late bloomers and didn’t do any work in HS or undergrad. Some of us need maturity before we really start trying.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps you hovered too much. So far maybe bring a bit too proactive and involved? Back off let him make some mistakes and then see who he responds to your not making big deal about him having to learn from cute consequences. Also maybe he isn’t cut out to be so amazing. Harsh truth for some. Focus on making him get a job and not be on electronic devices. That’s all you can really do at this age. He will likely mature some this coming year or two but not if mommy is always telling him how to solve his problems ( we will tune that out) and not if he is always being treated like a problem to solve. Back off and. Lower expectations and he might surprise you. Also maybe help him find something that ties into any interest he does have? What are they? When he was 10 what did he like to do? Build things? Sports? Be outside? Read? What besides video games that you did not pick and schedule for him? Move from that and bring that back into his life. He doesn’t need to be able to verbalize what motivates him at this age, that is understandable for many kids his age. You might just be making him feel worse and less motivated by putting so much pressure on him to be able to verbalize and name his motivation.

[Anonymous]

So many typos above. So sorry. Hope you still get my point.