If you were an affluent, unmotivated kid - what turned you light bulb on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

+1

These responses are wild.

No, they aren't. A 16 yr old should grasp that it costs money to live, and they need to figure out a game plan when they graduate HS. If they don't, *you've* failed as a parent.

Pretty sure he's aware he'll need money to live. He's not a waste of space for not having dreams of being a biglaw automaton at age 16. He needs some direction, but all this doom and gloom is a little ridiculous.

No one said he needs to have huge plans like going into big law (my kids sure don't), but per OP, he's not even thinking about his future. That is "doom and gloom" for a 16 yr old.

DP. He may very well be thinking about his future but is afraid what he wants will disappoint his affluent parents. The OP sounds insufferable. She calls her son a flake, a lump on a log, slug-like. Rushes him off to therapy the minute things get stressful. Peppers him with constant questions. I’m rooting for the kid to get out of that house and soar!

First PP here. He's probably a late bloomer. He definitely needs some structure. This is not a kid I would push into a 4-year institution 3 months after HS graduation. A structured gap year would probably benefit him.

I wonder if he's got some self-defeating thinking going on (I'm not very good at this subject, so I'm not smart, so I'm not going to try, etc.) I often spiraled into that pattern as a teen and it's hard to read because it doesn't present outwardly like depression and anxiety do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

+1

These responses are wild.

No, they aren't. A 16 yr old should grasp that it costs money to live, and they need to figure out a game plan when they graduate HS. If they don't, *you've* failed as a parent.

Pretty sure he's aware he'll need money to live. He's not a waste of space for not having dreams of being a biglaw automaton at age 16. He needs some direction, but all this doom and gloom is a little ridiculous.

No one said he needs to have huge plans like going into big law (my kids sure don't), but per OP, he's not even thinking about his future. That is "doom and gloom" for a 16 yr old.

DP. He may very well be thinking about his future but is afraid what he wants will disappoint his affluent parents. The OP sounds insufferable. She calls her son a flake, a lump on a log, slug-like. Rushes him off to therapy the minute things get stressful. Peppers him with constant questions. I’m rooting for the kid to get out of that house and soar!

First PP here. He's probably a late bloomer. He definitely needs some structure. This is not a kid I would push into a 4-year institution 3 months after HS graduation. A structured gap year would probably benefit him.

I wonder if he's got some self-defeating thinking going on (I'm not very good at this subject, so I'm not smart, so I'm not going to try, etc.) I often spiraled into that pattern as a teen and it's hard to read because it doesn't present outwardly like depression and anxiety do.

You can determine this based on this one post and keeping in mind he is 16? I have 3 boys and all of them experienced a huge turnaround/wakeup/maturation during their junior year. Their 16 year old versions of themselves were very different than 18yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

This is either another childless troll or a parent with a slacker dopey kid trying to rationalize it’s normal. It’s only normal in the sense that it’s an epidemic among American teen boys. That doesn’t mean you just sit back and let it happen.

Boys like this need a short stint in the military. Doesn’t mean they’re cannon fodder, plenty of non combat roles. I’ve seen it work dozens of times — transform lazy smart kids into motivated and aggressive. I’ve also seen UMC parents piss away large sums of money sending boys like this to college and they NEVER grow up.

Neither, but nice try. I have two wonderful teens, a boy and a girl.

I’ve gone back to read the OP again and I’m struggling to find exactly what is so problematic about this kid, other than that he’s not particularly communicative with his parents, which is very typical for a teen boy. OP mentions his grades, but that could mean he’s getting B’s [gasp] for all we know. Otherwise, he volunteers, has had summer jobs, has friends, is not using drugs, is not depressed according to his therapist. What is the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

This is either another childless troll or a parent with a slacker dopey kid trying to rationalize it’s normal. It’s only normal in the sense that it’s an epidemic among American teen boys. That doesn’t mean you just sit back and let it happen.

Boys like this need a short stint in the military. Doesn’t mean they’re cannon fodder, plenty of non combat roles. I’ve seen it work dozens of times — transform lazy smart kids into motivated and aggressive. I’ve also seen UMC parents piss away large sums of money sending boys like this to college and they NEVER grow up.

Neither, but nice try. I have two wonderful teens, a boy and a girl.

I’ve gone back to read the OP again and I’m struggling to find exactly what is so problematic about this kid, other than that he’s not particularly communicative with his parents, which is very typical for a teen boy. OP mentions his grades, but that could mean he’s getting B’s [gasp] for all we know. Otherwise, he volunteers, has had summer jobs, has friends, is not using drugs, is not depressed according to his therapist. What is the problem?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

This is either another childless troll or a parent with a slacker dopey kid trying to rationalize it’s normal. It’s only normal in the sense that it’s an epidemic among American teen boys. That doesn’t mean you just sit back and let it happen.

Boys like this need a short stint in the military. Doesn’t mean they’re cannon fodder, plenty of non combat roles. I’ve seen it work dozens of times — transform lazy smart kids into motivated and aggressive. I’ve also seen UMC parents piss away large sums of money sending boys like this to college and they NEVER grow up.

Neither, but nice try. I have two wonderful teens, a boy and a girl.

I’ve gone back to read the OP again and I’m struggling to find exactly what is so problematic about this kid, other than that he’s not particularly communicative with his parents, which is very typical for a teen boy. OP mentions his grades, but that could mean he’s getting B’s [gasp] for all we know. Otherwise, he volunteers, has had summer jobs, has friends, is not using drugs, is not depressed according to his therapist. What is the problem?

OP here- Try low C, D, and pepper in F on tests and eventually a grade F grade…

If I didn’t ask him questions, positively push him- he would just play video games, or sit in front of the TV.

FYI- We took his phone as a consequence and he’s allowed no gaming for right now. We have allowed him to go to a few school events for school championship games and to connect with friends but on a limited basis so he won’t get depressed. He has a summer job lined up.

[Anonymous]

Visit the service academies this summer. They're breathtaking and seeing them in person can really inspire a boy like this. If he has solid grades, he could get in. If grades are iffy, enlist right after high school and do a quick 3.5 years. It goes by so fast. He'll be a mature man when he returns home and can go to university for free via G.I. Bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we are affluent but I’ve kept my kids grounded, they have been brought up with faith, family time, service work, friends, fun. They’ve also been exposed to realities of life - sickness, reading about and media news about those less fortunate and the homeless, world situations, etc. They’ve volunteered and gave had summer jobs.

We’re a proactive family about therapy, dealing with every kind of issue- anxiety , depression, learning disabilities. Yet, my son, 16 year old son is a lump on a log.

I ask him what he wants out of life what motivates him- he doesn’t know. I have to ask him specific questions- you like working outside? On computers all day inside? Work with kids? Do you want a hardworking life or a smoother, less stressful life. He’s slug-like with his responses.

I asked him, his therapist asked him- if he’s depressed, he says he’s not. He’s just “out there.” I don’t know what to do; he’s a good kid, no drugs, alcohol, has friends. Do I just accept he’s a flake? I don’t want to send him to college (if he can find one with his grades) to waste his/our time and money to coast an additional 4 years.

If you were like this, when did you wake up? What motivated you? What age? What are you doing now?

Just know you're not alone. American boys, from the very rich to working class, are struggling mightily. I think it's a combo of factors - video games, porn, iPhones, social media, access to drugs, vape and Zyn, and probably pop culture and politicians demonizing them. It's good that you care and have this top of mind. Many parents just give up or pretend not to see the issues metastasizing. You can't just hit the alarm bells when they're 18 or 22, that's far too late to course correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

+1

These responses are wild.

No, they aren't. A 16 yr old should grasp that it costs money to live, and they need to figure out a game plan when they graduate HS. If they don't, *you've* failed as a parent.

Pretty sure he's aware he'll need money to live. He's not a waste of space for not having dreams of being a biglaw automaton at age 16. He needs some direction, but all this doom and gloom is a little ridiculous.

No one said he needs to have huge plans like going into big law (my kids sure don't), but per OP, he's not even thinking about his future. That is "doom and gloom" for a 16 yr old.

DP. He may very well be thinking about his future but is afraid what he wants will disappoint his affluent parents. The OP sounds insufferable. She calls her son a flake, a lump on a log, slug-like. Rushes him off to therapy the minute things get stressful. Peppers him with constant questions. I’m rooting for the kid to get out of that house and soar!

First PP here. He's probably a late bloomer. He definitely needs some structure. This is not a kid I would push into a 4-year institution 3 months after HS graduation. A structured gap year would probably benefit him.

I wonder if he's got some self-defeating thinking going on (I'm not very good at this subject, so I'm not smart, so I'm not going to try, etc.) I often spiraled into that pattern as a teen and it's hard to read because it doesn't present outwardly like depression and anxiety do.

You can determine this based on this one post and keeping in mind he is 16? I have 3 boys and all of them experienced a huge turnaround/wakeup/maturation during their junior year. Their 16 year old versions of themselves were very different than 18yo.

Just going off the current information offered. You’re right, he could change significantly in the next couple of years (and he probably will).

But there’s no shame in him not taking the traditional path if it doesn’t fit when the time comes.

[Anonymous]

Your questions are too big and remote. What does he like NOW?

[Anonymous]

16 years old is a pretty baked cake. Expecting a kid that old to do a 180 is a bit delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

+1

These responses are wild.

No, they aren't. A 16 yr old should grasp that it costs money to live, and they need to figure out a game plan when they graduate HS. If they don't, *you've* failed as a parent.

Pretty sure he's aware he'll need money to live. He's not a waste of space for not having dreams of being a biglaw automaton at age 16. He needs some direction, but all this doom and gloom is a little ridiculous.

No one said he needs to have huge plans like going into big law (my kids sure don't), but per OP, he's not even thinking about his future. That is "doom and gloom" for a 16 yr old.

DP. He may very well be thinking about his future but is afraid what he wants will disappoint his affluent parents. The OP sounds insufferable. She calls her son a flake, a lump on a log, slug-like. Rushes him off to therapy the minute things get stressful. Peppers him with constant questions. I’m rooting for the kid to get out of that house and soar!

First PP here. He's probably a late bloomer. He definitely needs some structure. This is not a kid I would push into a 4-year institution 3 months after HS graduation. A structured gap year would probably benefit him.

I wonder if he's got some self-defeating thinking going on (I'm not very good at this subject, so I'm not smart, so I'm not going to try, etc.) I often spiraled into that pattern as a teen and it's hard to read because it doesn't present outwardly like depression and anxiety do.

You can determine this based on this one post and keeping in mind he is 16? I have 3 boys and all of them experienced a huge turnaround/wakeup/maturation during their junior year. Their 16 year old versions of themselves were very different than 18yo.

At 16 he may be a junior. I, too, matured more my junior year (and I'm a female). Junior year is key if one is thinking about college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we are affluent but I’ve kept my kids grounded, they have been brought up with faith, family time, service work, friends, fun. They’ve also been exposed to realities of life - sickness, reading about and media news about those less fortunate and the homeless, world situations, etc. They’ve volunteered and gave had summer jobs.

We’re a proactive family about therapy, dealing with every kind of issue- anxiety , depression, learning disabilities. Yet, my son, 16 year old son is a lump on a log.

I ask him what he wants out of life what motivates him- he doesn’t know. I have to ask him specific questions- you like working outside? On computers all day inside? Work with kids? Do you want a hardworking life or a smoother, less stressful life. He’s slug-like with his responses.

I asked him, his therapist asked him- if he’s depressed, he says he’s not. He’s just “out there.” I don’t know what to do; he’s a good kid, no drugs, alcohol, has friends. Do I just accept he’s a flake? I don’t want to send him to college (if he can find one with his grades) to waste his/our time and money to coast an additional 4 years.

If you were like this, when did you wake up? What motivated you? What age? What are you doing now?

Just know you're not alone. American boys, from the very rich to working class, are struggling mightily. I think it's a combo of factors - video games, porn, iPhones, social media, access to drugs, vape and Zyn, and probably pop culture and politicians demonizing them. It's good that you care and have this top of mind. Many parents just give up or pretend not to see the issues metastasizing. You can't just hit the alarm bells when they're 18 or 22, that's far too late to course correct.

What politician is demonizing 16 yr old boys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

This is either another childless troll or a parent with a slacker dopey kid trying to rationalize it’s normal. It’s only normal in the sense that it’s an epidemic among American teen boys. That doesn’t mean you just sit back and let it happen.

Boys like this need a short stint in the military. Doesn’t mean they’re cannon fodder, plenty of non combat roles. I’ve seen it work dozens of times — transform lazy smart kids into motivated and aggressive. I’ve also seen UMC parents piss away large sums of money sending boys like this to college and they NEVER grow up.

Neither, but nice try. I have two wonderful teens, a boy and a girl.

I’ve gone back to read the OP again and I’m struggling to find exactly what is so problematic about this kid, other than that he’s not particularly communicative with his parents, which is very typical for a teen boy. OP mentions his grades, but that could mean he’s getting B’s [gasp] for all we know. Otherwise, he volunteers, has had summer jobs, has friends, is not using drugs, is not depressed according to his therapist. What is the problem?

OP here- Try low C, D, and pepper in F on tests and eventually a grade F grade…

If I didn’t ask him questions, positively push him- he would just play video games, or sit in front of the TV.

FYI- We took his phone as a consequence and he’s allowed no gaming for right now. We have allowed him to go to a few school events for school championship games and to connect with friends but on a limited basis so he won’t get depressed. He has a summer job lined up.

Good start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord, OP. He’s 16. 16 year olds are supposed to be dopey and flaky. Back off and give him a chance to figure himself out. It might take a while! And stop comparing him to other teens in your affluent areas—a lot of them are just marching mindlessly along the path their parents lay for them.

+1

These responses are wild.

No, they aren't. A 16 yr old should grasp that it costs money to live, and they need to figure out a game plan when they graduate HS. If they don't, *you've* failed as a parent.

Pretty sure he's aware he'll need money to live. He's not a waste of space for not having dreams of being a biglaw automaton at age 16. He needs some direction, but all this doom and gloom is a little ridiculous.

No one said he needs to have huge plans like going into big law (my kids sure don't), but per OP, he's not even thinking about his future. That is "doom and gloom" for a 16 yr old.

DP. He may very well be thinking about his future but is afraid what he wants will disappoint his affluent parents. The OP sounds insufferable. She calls her son a flake, a lump on a log, slug-like. Rushes him off to therapy the minute things get stressful. Peppers him with constant questions. I’m rooting for the kid to get out of that house and soar!

IMO, OP is being a good parent by making sure he doesn't end up being a bum.

[Anonymous]

For me, it was going to college and actually having classes that I really liked in business school. Fortunately for me, you could get into Virginia Tech at the time with a B average, but that’s not the case these days.