What things are you sensitive about seeing, because you've personally dealt with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moms smacking their kids hard (like my mom).

Loud public shaming/berating by parents (like my mom).

Kids allowed to be withdrawn/antisocial in public and at family events, or families eating in total silence at great speed at restaurants. That’s a super personal hangup that’s really specific to how my husband was raised and how it impacts our family life. When I see a little kid sullenly reading a book and slumped in their own corner at a nice restaurant, I don’t think, yay, they’re reading. My brain goes straight to: good luck to the woman who married that kid and into that family.

So do you want the family to berate them for being withdrawn in public, or do you want them to be left alone. Getting annoyed that a shy kid is reading a book is…interesting.

NP - there's no reason for a kid to be shy with their own family. If they can't sit in a restaurant and interact with their family members they should be in intensive therapy because something is seriously wrong. It's not appropriate to check out mentally and read a book during a family meal. And I say that as a voracious reader who is an introvert (but not shy).

Oh wow, you have no idea how some kids work. My ADHD/Autistic kid will absolutely focus on his book at a restaurant, because the restaurant is overwhelming/overstimulating. That's fine, and he doesn't need "intensive therapy". When I was a kid, my brother and I (who are not neurodivergent) always took books to restaurants, and didn't necessarily interact with our parents. Our parents were fine with this.

I’m the PP who has a hard time seeing a kid with a book, and it’s because my DH was diagnosed with autism only after our DC was born, but the maladaptive coping mechanisms his parents cultivated in him have made it really difficult for him to be a present parent and spouse. That’s why it’s a trigger for me.

While you as a parent may not be bothered and see it as an effective coping mechanism as the parent of your children, as the spouse of the adult version of that child I really struggle when I see it because I know the challenges it creates 30 years later.

+1

Same here, married into an aspergers family, I now know. Dx’d as an adult, brothers Dx was never disclosed by the mom.

I never took their silent dinners, silent drives, silent outings, and lack of connection with anyone personally, but it certainly has been bewildering and sad. They pass on the same “social and communication skills,” and lack thereof.

I don’t recommend an AS/NT home situation with kids. Unless you’re all AS, but even that can mismatch pretty spectacularly.

"Excessive" bookworming can also come from severe anxiety, and the overlap between that, inattentive ADHD (with hyperfocus on reading) and autism is very fine. I have severe anxiety and social anxiety, and always brought a book everywhere as a child. My mother understood that, A, I love to read, and B, It was a coping mechanism for me to tolerate being brought to see various places and peoples. My kids are the same. One has been diagnosed with autism but not the other. My husband, who is also on the ASD spectrum, HATES TO READ, and would never read anywhere unless it's for his job - and he's a research scientist who needs to read massive amounts of scientific papers! We all have ADHD and various levels of anxiety, and we're all deeply introverted. I'm a research scientist too, and my ADHD/ASD college kid is also shaping up to do research, but in a different field.

So I'm not sure reading excessively correlates directly with autism, but more with a certain intellectual profile.

I'm surprised that people are against reading - it's a symptom, not a cause. If you take away the book, you're not going to get more socialization, you're going to get a stressed-out and unhappy bookworm

Reading at a gathering or in a social setting is a way to avoid talking and interacting with others.

Reasons for one doing that range from HFA to ADHD to anxiety to having poor manners or social skills, to narcissism, to lack of empathy/ self-centeredness, to not knowing how to talk with other humans, to disliking people in general.

[Anonymous]

The media using the term adopted, or step-sibling. Most offensive terms to a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The media using the term adopted, or step-sibling. Most offensive terms to a family.

What is offensive about appropriately using the term adopted or step-sibling?

[Anonymous]

Eating disorders and suicide.

I used to have terrible physical reactions to seeing depictions of suicide in TV and movies. I've toughened up a little bit, but it still really upsets me. (Lost a childhood friend. I've also since lost adult friends, but I'm scarred from the childhood loss.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well-to-do parents who pretend they're poor, especially when they make their kids think they're poor.

Hmm.

Like poor poor or just sensible poor? Or ruthlessly cheap?

My spouse’s parents to this day make a sport out of pretending to be poor and cheap. Make others pay for their trips or meals or outings. Just bad manners too.

But growing up he never had real vacations, said he never went to camp bc they were poor, no sports or paid activities- just study, piano and hang out at the music shop. 4 to shirts, 2 slacks, 1 pair shoes. Throw it out in 1-2 years, rebuy the same. Uniform schools too.

Reality is the father got huge public stock comp every year plus his base, bonus and company car, to the point where they gifted each kid 100s of shares each year. Then they had a cheap heloc and bought 5+ multi family small rental properties that tripled in value plus are cash cows. Plus their summer house which was a steal. And then when my spouse was 20 his mom inherited 1-2M and they bought a huge house and land for gardening. Also a steal bc it abutted a factory, which is now a pricey subdivision.

So they’re actually loaded, shrewd, and cheap as all get out.

We get hair brushes for Xmas from them yet took them on an Airbnb long weekend for Thanksgiving and it was pulling teeth for them to even pay for a meal or excursion out or their share. Our kids even notice the games they play when a bill comes or they go get a hot chocolate and the In Laws come running to buy one too.

They never say thank you. They never offer to pay anything. They never say they had a good time. They do ask rude questions occasionally. And for not saying much ever those zingers really stand out.

Yep. Grew up in an upscale suburb near NYC (Westchester County) and my parents were misers who acted like we had no money. Never went on vacation (an aunt took me and my sibling to disney once). Yelling when we outgrew clothes or they wore out. Guilt trips when we needed money for anything. It wasn't a case of lifestyle decisions making them cash poor. They just didn't spend any money. When I was a teenager, I started realizing there was no way - my mom stayed home and my dad was an executive at a major corporation. I got a job and babysat as much as possible to pay club dues and to play a sport in high school.

The inheritance is grand, but I think I'd give a big chunk of it up for the kid who was scared to say her feet hurt in shoes that were too small.

[Anonymous]

People having asthma attacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moms smacking their kids hard (like my mom).

Loud public shaming/berating by parents (like my mom).

Kids allowed to be withdrawn/antisocial in public and at family events, or families eating in total silence at great speed at restaurants. That’s a super personal hangup that’s really specific to how my husband was raised and how it impacts our family life. When I see a little kid sullenly reading a book and slumped in their own corner at a nice restaurant, I don’t think, yay, they’re reading. My brain goes straight to: good luck to the woman who married that kid and into that family.

So do you want the family to berate them for being withdrawn in public, or do you want them to be left alone. Getting annoyed that a shy kid is reading a book is…interesting.

NP - there's no reason for a kid to be shy with their own family. If they can't sit in a restaurant and interact with their family members they should be in intensive therapy because something is seriously wrong. It's not appropriate to check out mentally and read a book during a family meal. And I say that as a voracious reader who is an introvert (but not shy).

Oh wow, you have no idea how some kids work. My ADHD/Autistic kid will absolutely focus on his book at a restaurant, because the restaurant is overwhelming/overstimulating. That's fine, and he doesn't need "intensive therapy". When I was a kid, my brother and I (who are not neurodivergent) always took books to restaurants, and didn't necessarily interact with our parents. Our parents were fine with this.

I’m the PP who has a hard time seeing a kid with a book, and it’s because my DH was diagnosed with autism only after our DC was born, but the maladaptive coping mechanisms his parents cultivated in him have made it really difficult for him to be a present parent and spouse. That’s why it’s a trigger for me.

While you as a parent may not be bothered and see it as an effective coping mechanism as the parent of your children, as the spouse of the adult version of that child I really struggle when I see it because I know the challenges it creates 30 years later.

+1

Same here, married into an aspergers family, I now know. Dx’d as an adult, brothers Dx was never disclosed by the mom.

I never took their silent dinners, silent drives, silent outings, and lack of connection with anyone personally, but it certainly has been bewildering and sad. They pass on the same “social and communication skills,” and lack thereof.

I don’t recommend an AS/NT home situation with kids. Unless you’re all AS, but even that can mismatch pretty spectacularly.

"Excessive" bookworming can also come from severe anxiety, and the overlap between that, inattentive ADHD (with hyperfocus on reading) and autism is very fine. I have severe anxiety and social anxiety, and always brought a book everywhere as a child. My mother understood that, A, I love to read, and B, It was a coping mechanism for me to tolerate being brought to see various places and peoples. My kids are the same. One has been diagnosed with autism but not the other. My husband, who is also on the ASD spectrum, HATES TO READ, and would never read anywhere unless it's for his job - and he's a research scientist who needs to read massive amounts of scientific papers! We all have ADHD and various levels of anxiety, and we're all deeply introverted. I'm a research scientist too, and my ADHD/ASD college kid is also shaping up to do research, but in a different field.

So I'm not sure reading excessively correlates directly with autism, but more with a certain intellectual profile.

I'm surprised that people are against reading - it's a symptom, not a cause. If you take away the book, you're not going to get more socialization, you're going to get a stressed-out and unhappy bookworm

Reading at a gathering or in a social setting is a way to avoid talking and interacting with others.

Reasons for one doing that range from HFA to ADHD to anxiety to having poor manners or social skills, to narcissism, to lack of empathy/ self-centeredness, to not knowing how to talk with other humans, to disliking people in general.

Would you say the same about someone looking at their phone in a social setting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moms smacking their kids hard (like my mom).

Loud public shaming/berating by parents (like my mom).

Kids allowed to be withdrawn/antisocial in public and at family events, or families eating in total silence at great speed at restaurants. That’s a super personal hangup that’s really specific to how my husband was raised and how it impacts our family life. When I see a little kid sullenly reading a book and slumped in their own corner at a nice restaurant, I don’t think, yay, they’re reading. My brain goes straight to: good luck to the woman who married that kid and into that family.

So do you want the family to berate them for being withdrawn in public, or do you want them to be left alone. Getting annoyed that a shy kid is reading a book is…interesting.

NP - there's no reason for a kid to be shy with their own family. If they can't sit in a restaurant and interact with their family members they should be in intensive therapy because something is seriously wrong. It's not appropriate to check out mentally and read a book during a family meal. And I say that as a voracious reader who is an introvert (but not shy).

Oh wow, you have no idea how some kids work. My ADHD/Autistic kid will absolutely focus on his book at a restaurant, because the restaurant is overwhelming/overstimulating. That's fine, and he doesn't need "intensive therapy". When I was a kid, my brother and I (who are not neurodivergent) always took books to restaurants, and didn't necessarily interact with our parents. Our parents were fine with this.

I’m the PP who has a hard time seeing a kid with a book, and it’s because my DH was diagnosed with autism only after our DC was born, but the maladaptive coping mechanisms his parents cultivated in him have made it really difficult for him to be a present parent and spouse. That’s why it’s a trigger for me.

While you as a parent may not be bothered and see it as an effective coping mechanism as the parent of your children, as the spouse of the adult version of that child I really struggle when I see it because I know the challenges it creates 30 years later.

+1

Same here, married into an aspergers family, I now know. Dx’d as an adult, brothers Dx was never disclosed by the mom.

I never took their silent dinners, silent drives, silent outings, and lack of connection with anyone personally, but it certainly has been bewildering and sad. They pass on the same “social and communication skills,” and lack thereof.

I don’t recommend an AS/NT home situation with kids. Unless you’re all AS, but even that can mismatch pretty spectacularly.

"Excessive" bookworming can also come from severe anxiety, and the overlap between that, inattentive ADHD (with hyperfocus on reading) and autism is very fine. I have severe anxiety and social anxiety, and always brought a book everywhere as a child. My mother understood that, A, I love to read, and B, It was a coping mechanism for me to tolerate being brought to see various places and peoples. My kids are the same. One has been diagnosed with autism but not the other. My husband, who is also on the ASD spectrum, HATES TO READ, and would never read anywhere unless it's for his job - and he's a research scientist who needs to read massive amounts of scientific papers! We all have ADHD and various levels of anxiety, and we're all deeply introverted. I'm a research scientist too, and my ADHD/ASD college kid is also shaping up to do research, but in a different field.

So I'm not sure reading excessively correlates directly with autism, but more with a certain intellectual profile.

I'm surprised that people are against reading - it's a symptom, not a cause. If you take away the book, you're not going to get more socialization, you're going to get a stressed-out and unhappy bookworm

Reading at a gathering or in a social setting is a way to avoid talking and interacting with others.

Reasons for one doing that range from HFA to ADHD to anxiety to having poor manners or social skills, to narcissism, to lack of empathy/ self-centeredness, to not knowing how to talk with other humans, to disliking people in general.

Would you say the same about someone looking at their phone in a social setting

Like to check things (etiquette faux pas, addict) or settle down doomscrolling for 15-30 mins (socially out of it) while everyone else talks at a dinner table or car ride (ie not a HS lunch table at a school that allows smartphones during school time)?

I’d say 9/10 they are rude and addicted to their phone. Even if checking.

1/10 they are checking for some action item, get it, apologize and out their phone down and then are present at the meal out or in.

Either way it’s not a social crutch to avoid human interaction like bringing a big book to a dinner outing is. They literally don’t want to be there.

Smartphones at the table are wrong, but most people are just dopamine screen addicts and still talking with their friends and family. They do want to be there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moms smacking their kids hard (like my mom).

Loud public shaming/berating by parents (like my mom).

Kids allowed to be withdrawn/antisocial in public and at family events, or families eating in total silence at great speed at restaurants. That’s a super personal hangup that’s really specific to how my husband was raised and how it impacts our family life. When I see a little kid sullenly reading a book and slumped in their own corner at a nice restaurant, I don’t think, yay, they’re reading. My brain goes straight to: good luck to the woman who married that kid and into that family.

So do you want the family to berate them for being withdrawn in public, or do you want them to be left alone. Getting annoyed that a shy kid is reading a book is…interesting.

NP - there's no reason for a kid to be shy with their own family. If they can't sit in a restaurant and interact with their family members they should be in intensive therapy because something is seriously wrong. It's not appropriate to check out mentally and read a book during a family meal. And I say that as a voracious reader who is an introvert (but not shy).

Oh wow, you have no idea how some kids work. My ADHD/Autistic kid will absolutely focus on his book at a restaurant, because the restaurant is overwhelming/overstimulating. That's fine, and he doesn't need "intensive therapy". When I was a kid, my brother and I (who are not neurodivergent) always took books to restaurants, and didn't necessarily interact with our parents. Our parents were fine with this.

I’m the PP who has a hard time seeing a kid with a book, and it’s because my DH was diagnosed with autism only after our DC was born, but the maladaptive coping mechanisms his parents cultivated in him have made it really difficult for him to be a present parent and spouse. That’s why it’s a trigger for me.

While you as a parent may not be bothered and see it as an effective coping mechanism as the parent of your children, as the spouse of the adult version of that child I really struggle when I see it because I know the challenges it creates 30 years later.

+1

Same here, married into an aspergers family, I now know. Dx’d as an adult, brothers Dx was never disclosed by the mom.

I never took their silent dinners, silent drives, silent outings, and lack of connection with anyone personally, but it certainly has been bewildering and sad. They pass on the same “social and communication skills,” and lack thereof.

I don’t recommend an AS/NT home situation with kids. Unless you’re all AS, but even that can mismatch pretty spectacularly.

"Excessive" bookworming can also come from severe anxiety, and the overlap between that, inattentive ADHD (with hyperfocus on reading) and autism is very fine. I have severe anxiety and social anxiety, and always brought a book everywhere as a child. My mother understood that, A, I love to read, and B, It was a coping mechanism for me to tolerate being brought to see various places and peoples. My kids are the same. One has been diagnosed with autism but not the other. My husband, who is also on the ASD spectrum, HATES TO READ, and would never read anywhere unless it's for his job - and he's a research scientist who needs to read massive amounts of scientific papers! We all have ADHD and various levels of anxiety, and we're all deeply introverted. I'm a research scientist too, and my ADHD/ASD college kid is also shaping up to do research, but in a different field.

So I'm not sure reading excessively correlates directly with autism, but more with a certain intellectual profile.

I'm surprised that people are against reading - it's a symptom, not a cause. If you take away the book, you're not going to get more socialization, you're going to get a stressed-out and unhappy bookworm

Reading at a gathering or in a social setting is a way to avoid talking and interacting with others.

Reasons for one doing that range from HFA to ADHD to anxiety to having poor manners or social skills, to narcissism, to lack of empathy/ self-centeredness, to not knowing how to talk with other humans, to disliking people in general.

Would you say the same about someone looking at their phone in a social setting

NP but absolutely. I don’t like the idea that escaping via a book is wholesome but escaping via a phone is not. Both are rude, antisocial and disrespectful. I think we’ve become very forgiving of displays of boredom and impatience and most people have lost track of the need to learn to show politeness and engagement. But that’s way beyond what OP asked and another thread altogether.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moms smacking their kids hard (like my mom).

Loud public shaming/berating by parents (like my mom).

Kids allowed to be withdrawn/antisocial in public and at family events, or families eating in total silence at great speed at restaurants. That’s a super personal hangup that’s really specific to how my husband was raised and how it impacts our family life. When I see a little kid sullenly reading a book and slumped in their own corner at a nice restaurant, I don’t think, yay, they’re reading. My brain goes straight to: good luck to the woman who married that kid and into that family.

So do you want the family to berate them for being withdrawn in public, or do you want them to be left alone. Getting annoyed that a shy kid is reading a book is…interesting.

NP - there's no reason for a kid to be shy with their own family. If they can't sit in a restaurant and interact with their family members they should be in intensive therapy because something is seriously wrong. It's not appropriate to check out mentally and read a book during a family meal. And I say that as a voracious reader who is an introvert (but not shy).

Oh wow, you have no idea how some kids work. My ADHD/Autistic kid will absolutely focus on his book at a restaurant, because the restaurant is overwhelming/overstimulating. That's fine, and he doesn't need "intensive therapy". When I was a kid, my brother and I (who are not neurodivergent) always took books to restaurants, and didn't necessarily interact with our parents. Our parents were fine with this.

I’m the PP who has a hard time seeing a kid with a book, and it’s because my DH was diagnosed with autism only after our DC was born, but the maladaptive coping mechanisms his parents cultivated in him have made it really difficult for him to be a present parent and spouse. That’s why it’s a trigger for me.

While you as a parent may not be bothered and see it as an effective coping mechanism as the parent of your children, as the spouse of the adult version of that child I really struggle when I see it because I know the challenges it creates 30 years later.

+1

Same here, married into an aspergers family, I now know. Dx’d as an adult, brothers Dx was never disclosed by the mom.

I never took their silent dinners, silent drives, silent outings, and lack of connection with anyone personally, but it certainly has been bewildering and sad. They pass on the same “social and communication skills,” and lack thereof.

I don’t recommend an AS/NT home situation with kids. Unless you’re all AS, but even that can mismatch pretty spectacularly.

"Excessive" bookworming can also come from severe anxiety, and the overlap between that, inattentive ADHD (with hyperfocus on reading) and autism is very fine. I have severe anxiety and social anxiety, and always brought a book everywhere as a child. My mother understood that, A, I love to read, and B, It was a coping mechanism for me to tolerate being brought to see various places and peoples. My kids are the same. One has been diagnosed with autism but not the other. My husband, who is also on the ASD spectrum, HATES TO READ, and would never read anywhere unless it's for his job - and he's a research scientist who needs to read massive amounts of scientific papers! We all have ADHD and various levels of anxiety, and we're all deeply introverted. I'm a research scientist too, and my ADHD/ASD college kid is also shaping up to do research, but in a different field.

So I'm not sure reading excessively correlates directly with autism, but more with a certain intellectual profile.

I'm surprised that people are against reading - it's a symptom, not a cause. If you take away the book, you're not going to get more socialization, you're going to get a stressed-out and unhappy bookworm

Reading at a gathering or in a social setting is a way to avoid talking and interacting with others.

Reasons for one doing that range from HFA to ADHD to anxiety to having poor manners or social skills, to narcissism, to lack of empathy/ self-centeredness, to not knowing how to talk with other humans, to disliking people in general.

Would you say the same about someone looking at their phone in a social setting

And yes, my HFA husband hides behind “work” on his phone or laptop all the time at social events and vacations when he’s tired of masking.

Both sides of the family know it’s his maladaptive coping method and he’s often just scrolling Apple News or napping in the hotel or guest room. He can only socialize in little spurts and he wants to know ahead of time what is going on so he can pick and choose his spurt.

The kids take the neglect and lack of fathering on the chin, however. Even during their teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moms smacking their kids hard (like my mom).

Loud public shaming/berating by parents (like my mom).

Kids allowed to be withdrawn/antisocial in public and at family events, or families eating in total silence at great speed at restaurants. That’s a super personal hangup that’s really specific to how my husband was raised and how it impacts our family life. When I see a little kid sullenly reading a book and slumped in their own corner at a nice restaurant, I don’t think, yay, they’re reading. My brain goes straight to: good luck to the woman who married that kid and into that family.

So do you want the family to berate them for being withdrawn in public, or do you want them to be left alone. Getting annoyed that a shy kid is reading a book is…interesting.

NP - there's no reason for a kid to be shy with their own family. If they can't sit in a restaurant and interact with their family members they should be in intensive therapy because something is seriously wrong. It's not appropriate to check out mentally and read a book during a family meal. And I say that as a voracious reader who is an introvert (but not shy).

Oh wow, you have no idea how some kids work. My ADHD/Autistic kid will absolutely focus on his book at a restaurant, because the restaurant is overwhelming/overstimulating. That's fine, and he doesn't need "intensive therapy". When I was a kid, my brother and I (who are not neurodivergent) always took books to restaurants, and didn't necessarily interact with our parents. Our parents were fine with this.

I’m the PP who has a hard time seeing a kid with a book, and it’s because my DH was diagnosed with autism only after our DC was born, but the maladaptive coping mechanisms his parents cultivated in him have made it really difficult for him to be a present parent and spouse. That’s why it’s a trigger for me.

While you as a parent may not be bothered and see it as an effective coping mechanism as the parent of your children, as the spouse of the adult version of that child I really struggle when I see it because I know the challenges it creates 30 years later.

+1

Same here, married into an aspergers family, I now know. Dx’d as an adult, brothers Dx was never disclosed by the mom.

I never took their silent dinners, silent drives, silent outings, and lack of connection with anyone personally, but it certainly has been bewildering and sad. They pass on the same “social and communication skills,” and lack thereof.

I don’t recommend an AS/NT home situation with kids. Unless you’re all AS, but even that can mismatch pretty spectacularly.

"Excessive" bookworming can also come from severe anxiety, and the overlap between that, inattentive ADHD (with hyperfocus on reading) and autism is very fine. I have severe anxiety and social anxiety, and always brought a book everywhere as a child. My mother understood that, A, I love to read, and B, It was a coping mechanism for me to tolerate being brought to see various places and peoples. My kids are the same. One has been diagnosed with autism but not the other. My husband, who is also on the ASD spectrum, HATES TO READ, and would never read anywhere unless it's for his job - and he's a research scientist who needs to read massive amounts of scientific papers! We all have ADHD and various levels of anxiety, and we're all deeply introverted. I'm a research scientist too, and my ADHD/ASD college kid is also shaping up to do research, but in a different field.

So I'm not sure reading excessively correlates directly with autism, but more with a certain intellectual profile.

I'm surprised that people are against reading - it's a symptom, not a cause. If you take away the book, you're not going to get more socialization, you're going to get a stressed-out and unhappy bookworm

Reading at a gathering or in a social setting is a way to avoid talking and interacting with others.

Reasons for one doing that range from HFA to ADHD to anxiety to having poor manners or social skills, to narcissism, to lack of empathy/ self-centeredness, to not knowing how to talk with other humans, to disliking people in general.

This came up in a support group I'm in. There was an aspie mom who read books aloud to her children until they were age 12.

She didn't talk with them much otherwise, but felt it was easy and safe to read others' words aloud each night to her sons. No thinking or back & forth convos or life lessons or odd growing pains questions necessary, just read what was already written on the page.

It was actually a good, but shallow, way to finally interact and be with her children. They felt together and this was love. She'd often forget what time it was and read for 1-2 hours, past their bed time!

The downside was, no one in the household talked about feelings or goals or personal stuff and they lost out on years of social skills and relationship development. One got to college and realized everything he missed out on but his roommates took him in. The other went to a commuter college and still lives at home, age 40.

[Anonymous]

Yesterday, I saw two cute HS girls walking to the store, laughing and having fun. Behind them was a chunky girl, walking by herself, looking like she wanted to be invisible. That was me. If, as a teenager, I was off by myself reading a book, it was because I needed to disappear.

And to the person whose brother killed the kittens-- my cousin had a little kitten. When I asked my aunt how the kitten was doing, she said, "Oh, Donnie just loved that kitten to death!" OMFG.

My stepsister, to my brother, when they were teens: "That's not how you make a hamburger! Don't you know anything?!" My stepmom: "Yeah, Joe. That's not how you make a hamburger." His hamburger was fine.

Sometimes I still want to disappear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The media using the term adopted, or step-sibling. Most offensive terms to a family.

What is offensive about appropriately using the term adopted or step-sibling?

As an adoptee, if the point of the story is about adoption, then it's fine/appropriate to use the term. If it's nothing to do with adoption, what is the reason that needs to be there? There is no reason.

[Anonymous]

When people comment on how shy or quiet someone is, always with a negative connotation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moms smacking their kids hard (like my mom).

Loud public shaming/berating by parents (like my mom).

Kids allowed to be withdrawn/antisocial in public and at family events, or families eating in total silence at great speed at restaurants. That’s a super personal hangup that’s really specific to how my husband was raised and how it impacts our family life. When I see a little kid sullenly reading a book and slumped in their own corner at a nice restaurant, I don’t think, yay, they’re reading. My brain goes straight to: good luck to the woman who married that kid and into that family.

So do you want the family to berate them for being withdrawn in public, or do you want them to be left alone. Getting annoyed that a shy kid is reading a book is…interesting.

NP - there's no reason for a kid to be shy with their own family. If they can't sit in a restaurant and interact with their family members they should be in intensive therapy because something is seriously wrong. It's not appropriate to check out mentally and read a book during a family meal. And I say that as a voracious reader who is an introvert (but not shy).

Got it, you’re an undiagnosed autistic person who hates themself 👍

Can we NOT judge people’s trauma?! Jesus