Reply to What things are you sensitive about seeing, because you've personally dealt with them?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Moms smacking their kids hard (like my mom).

[b]Loud public shaming/berating by parents (like my mom)[/b].

[b]Kids allowed to be withdrawn/antisocial in public and at family events[/b], or families eating in total silence at great speed at restaurants. That’s a super personal hangup that’s really specific to how my husband was raised and how it impacts our family life. When I see a little kid sullenly reading a book and slumped in their own corner at a nice restaurant, I don’t think, yay, they’re reading. My brain goes straight to: good luck to the woman who married that kid and into that family. [/quote]

So do you want the family to berate them for being withdrawn in public, or do you want them to be left alone. Getting annoyed that a shy kid is reading a book is…interesting.[/quote]

NP - there's no reason for a kid to be shy with their own family. If they can't sit in a restaurant and interact with their family members they should be in intensive therapy because something is seriously wrong. It's not appropriate to check out mentally and read a book during a family meal. And I say that as a voracious reader who is an introvert (but not shy). [/quote]

Oh wow, you have no idea how some kids work.  My ADHD/Autistic kid will absolutely focus on his book at a restaurant, because the restaurant is overwhelming/overstimulating.  That's fine, and he doesn't need "intensive therapy".  When I was a kid, my brother and I (who are not neurodivergent) always took books to restaurants, and didn't necessarily interact with our parents.  Our parents were fine with this.  [/quote]

I’m the PP who has a hard time seeing a kid with a book, and it’s because my DH was diagnosed with autism only after our DC was born, but the maladaptive coping mechanisms his parents cultivated in him have made it really difficult for him to be a present parent and spouse. That’s why it’s a trigger for me.

While you as a parent may not be bothered and see it as an effective coping mechanism as the parent of your children, as the spouse of the adult version of that child I really struggle when I see it because I know the challenges it creates 30 years later. [/quote]

Same here, married into an aspergers family, I now know. Dx’d as an adult, brothers Dx was never disclosed by the mom.

I never took their silent dinners, silent drives, silent outings, and lack of connection with anyone personally, but it certainly has been bewildering and sad. They pass on the same “social and communication skills,” and lack thereof.

I don’t recommend an AS/NT home situation with kids. Unless you’re all AS, but even that can mismatch pretty spectacularly. [/quote]

"Excessive" bookworming can also come from severe anxiety, and the overlap between that, inattentive ADHD (with hyperfocus on reading) and autism is very fine. I have severe anxiety and social anxiety, and always brought a book everywhere as a child. My mother understood that, A, I love to read, and B, It was a coping mechanism for me to tolerate being brought to see various places and peoples. My kids are the same. One has been diagnosed with autism but not the other. My husband, who is also on the ASD spectrum, HATES TO READ, and would never read anywhere unless it's for his job - and he's a research scientist who needs to read massive amounts of scientific papers! We all have ADHD and various levels of anxiety, and we're all deeply introverted. I'm a research scientist too, and my ADHD/ASD college kid is also shaping up to do research, but in a different field.

So I'm not sure reading excessively correlates directly with autism, but more with a certain intellectual profile.

I'm surprised that people are against reading - it's a symptom, not a cause. If you take away the book, you're not going to get more socialization, you're going to get a stressed-out and unhappy bookworm :-) 
[/quote]

Reading at a gathering or in a social setting is a way to avoid talking and interacting with others.

Reasons for one doing that range from HFA to ADHD to anxiety to having poor manners or social skills, to narcissism, to lack of empathy/ self-centeredness, to not knowing how to talk with other humans, to disliking people in general. [/quote]

Would you say the same about someone looking at their phone in a social setting [/quote]

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