How are you preparing your children for downward mobility?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just do what all the other Boomers are currently doing— finance your kids’ lives until you die and they inherit your wealth.

+1. As a financially independent gen Xers, DH and I have noticed that so many millennials have their UMC lifestyles subsidized by their elderly parents!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think about this a lot. The odds all 3 of my kids (or even just 1 of them) achieve the success of DH and I is minuscule. We come from rural MC families so we have a value system aligned with hard work, good education, lots of hustle that I hope sinks in but we live in a huge house and take amazing vacations all the time. The best I can do is teach them about personal finance and being a good person. And to not count on us for money (though I bet we’ll be the grandparents paying for private school tuition like I read about all the time on these boards).

Not everyone wants a large house. Not everyone likes to travel. Not everyone strives for UMC.

Why can’t they count on you for money or help? The biggest part of community is family. A down payment on a house is much more important than private school tuition which isn’t a necessary.

Because if they think they can bank on our money, they won’t be motivated. I don’t want them moving home or not working. I want them to be happy, healthy and productive members of society, which means having some ambition. Maybe they don’t want big houses or private schools for their families someday and that’s fine. But I don’t want them to drop out of college or make bad decisions bc they think they have an unlimited safety net of money.

I don't understand this mentality. I grew up on the wealthy end of UMC. My parents made it clear that we would always have a roof over our heads and food to eat in their home, and the question of motivation to build our own lives/careers just never came up. They worried we might not make the optimal career choices etc, but they just never worried that we'd want to do nothing with our lives. Those weren't values they raised us with.

If you are seriously concerned your kids will not try to build their own life if they can live in your home instead, then you've got a lot of other parenting issues to contend with.

Yeah, this is so stupid. Truly wealthy people get that part of why they are building / maintaining wealth is to make sure that their children never live in the gutters. Mental illness happens. Disability happens. Some people do indeed have to support their kids. But if your kids have been raised well they will seek out a good life away from your home regardless of whether or not they fear homelessness. Jeez. Play nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m raising my daughter to value people over things, and intellectual life rather than “influencer” life. She understands that we can buy books, but when we borrow them from the Library we’re supporting institutions that support our values. If in 45 years she can’t afford books then she’ll know the support of those institutions.

That’s so 1980’s. You’re not preparing your daughter for real life. You’re preparing your daughter for the life you had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just do what all the other Boomers are currently doing— finance your kids’ lives until you die and they inherit your wealth.

+1. As a financially independent gen Xers, DH and I have noticed that so many millennials have their UMC lifestyles subsidized by their elderly parents!

You see it in the youngest gen X’s too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think about this a lot. The odds all 3 of my kids (or even just 1 of them) achieve the success of DH and I is minuscule. We come from rural MC families so we have a value system aligned with hard work, good education, lots of hustle that I hope sinks in but we live in a huge house and take amazing vacations all the time. The best I can do is teach them about personal finance and being a good person. And to not count on us for money (though I bet we’ll be the grandparents paying for private school tuition like I read about all the time on these boards).

Not everyone wants a large house. Not everyone likes to travel. Not everyone strives for UMC.

Why can’t they count on you for money or help? The biggest part of community is family. A down payment on a house is much more important than private school tuition which isn’t a necessary.

Because if they think they can bank on our money, they won’t be motivated. I don’t want them moving home or not working. I want them to be happy, healthy and productive members of society, which means having some ambition. Maybe they don’t want big houses or private schools for their families someday and that’s fine. But I don’t want them to drop out of college or make bad decisions bc they think they have an unlimited safety net of money.

I don't understand this mentality. I grew up on the wealthy end of UMC. My parents made it clear that we would always have a roof over our heads and food to eat in their home, and the question of motivation to build our own lives/careers just never came up. They worried we might not make the optimal career choices etc, but they just never worried that we'd want to do nothing with our lives. Those weren't values they raised us with.

If you are seriously concerned your kids will not try to build their own life if they can live in your home instead, then you've got a lot of other parenting issues to contend with.

Yeah, this is so stupid. Truly wealthy people get that part of why they are building / maintaining wealth is to make sure that their children never live in the gutters. Mental illness happens. Disability happens. Some people do indeed have to support their kids. But if your kids have been raised well they will seek out a good life away from your home regardless of whether or not they fear homelessness. Jeez. Play nice.

You’re both replying to me. It’s not that we wouldn’t help them, it’s the sentiment that they’re responsible for creating a life of their own. They’re hard working high schoolers and college aged so I think we’ve struck the right balance. But this thread is about downward mobility and with a HHI of $2M and a huge net worth, it’s something I think about. How to raise happy, healthy people who can be independent. They’re very unlikely to have what they had growing up. Well probably pay for down payments and grandkids college and all the generational wealth stuff that will make their lives easier but they’re too young to know that now and I wouldn’t want that to affect their life choices yet. The point is when and how to handle the safety net they have without it messing them up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just do what all the other Boomers are currently doing— finance your kids’ lives until you die and they inherit your wealth.

Parents of kids now are not Boomers, dude. We're younger than that. And, newsflash, you're an adult now. You're the grownup.

Weird how everyone else understood this comment to refer to Boomers subsidizing the current crop of “grownups”’ but you. Reading comprehension is your friend.

[Anonymous]

-having kids get jobs young to teach them that compounding interest is one of the few ways to get ahead these days with wealth building
-avoiding all college loans through dual enrollment high school programs and we will pay the rest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just do what all the other Boomers are currently doing— finance your kids’ lives until you die and they inherit your wealth.

+1. As a financially independent gen Xers, DH and I have noticed that so many millennials have their UMC lifestyles subsidized by their elderly parents!

Most Gen X are in their 50s. Most millennials are in their 30s. There’s a big difference but parents aren’t taking their money with them. It is trickling down to younger generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just do what all the other Boomers are currently doing— finance your kids’ lives until you die and they inherit your wealth.

This is the scenario I'm trying to prepare for

+1
Also, was traveling away from the "elite coasts" and there are so many brain-dead adults. Seriously stupid stupid people*--- that I am reminded that our kids will be the top 5% of intellects without even trying. *I do not know if it's the geo, or drugs, or these people were dropped on their heads. It was astonishing and very eye-opening.

That’s a really awful thing to say.

Trust me. I felt awful thinking it. But I was blown away. I'm still processing. People are not wrong about our elite bubbles I guess.

Well, think about it a little. All groups are self-selected to a certain degree.
The folks attracted to urban areas where there is high competition are usually characterized by ambition, motivation and the intellect to get them to their goals. There are of course such folks in middle America but the bright cities certainly attracts many of the ambitious moths to them. So that's maybe why there is a disproportionate number of go-getters in and near the cities.

[Anonymous]

Gen xers are boomers now

[Anonymous]

Boomer = person not with the times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m raising my daughter to value people over things, and intellectual life rather than “influencer” life. She understands that we can buy books, but when we borrow them from the Library we’re supporting institutions that support our values. If in 45 years she can’t afford books then she’ll know the support of those institutions.

That’s so 1980’s. You’re not preparing your daughter for real life. You’re preparing your daughter for the life you had.

So what does preparing her for real life look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m raising my daughter to value people over things, and intellectual life rather than “influencer” life. She understands that we can buy books, but when we borrow them from the Library we’re supporting institutions that support our values. If in 45 years she can’t afford books then she’ll know the support of those institutions.

If she can’t afford books she has much bigger problems. Teach her to cook from scratch, grow vegetables, or something remotely useful to prepare for hard times or living hand to mouth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boomer = person not with the times.

This comment made me smile.

[Anonymous]

For the last few generations, our families have had neither upward nor downward mobility. I don’t expect that to change beyond personal choices. SFH, public schools, college paid for by parents, food security, enough for retirement, some vacations.