Reply to How are you preparing your children for downward mobility?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think about this a lot. The odds all 3 of my kids (or even just 1 of them) achieve the success of DH and I is minuscule. We come from rural MC families so we have a value system aligned with hard work, good education, lots of hustle that I hope sinks in but we live in a huge house and take amazing vacations all the time. The best I can do is teach them about personal finance and being a good person. And to not count on us for money (though I bet we’ll be the grandparents paying for private school tuition like I read about all the time on these boards). [/quote]

Not everyone wants a large house.  Not everyone likes to travel.   Not everyone strives for UMC.

Why can’t they count on you for money or help?   The biggest part of community is family.   A down payment on a house is much more important than private school tuition which isn’t a necessary.  
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[b]Because if they think they can bank on our money, they won’t be motivated. I don’t want them moving home or not working[/b]. I want them to be happy, healthy and productive members of society, which means having some ambition. Maybe they don’t want big houses or private schools for their families someday and that’s fine. But I don’t want them to drop out of college or make bad decisions bc they think they have an unlimited safety net of money. [/quote]
I don't understand this mentality. I grew up on the wealthy end of UMC. My parents made it clear that we would always have a roof over our heads and food to eat in their home, and the question of motivation to build our own lives/careers just never came up. They worried we might not make the optimal career choices etc, but they just never worried that we'd want to do nothing with our lives. Those weren't values they raised us with.

If you are seriously concerned your kids will not try to build their own life if they can live in your home instead, then you've got a lot of other parenting issues to contend with.[/quote]

Yeah, this is so stupid.  Truly wealthy people get that part of why they are building / maintaining wealth is to make sure that their children never live in the gutters.  Mental illness happens.  Disability happens.  Some people do indeed have to support their kids.  But if your kids have been raised well they will seek out a good life away from your home regardless of whether or not they fear homelessness.  Jeez.  Play nice.[/quote]

You’re both replying to me. It’s not that we wouldn’t help them, it’s the sentiment that they’re responsible for creating a life of their own. They’re hard working high schoolers and college aged so I think we’ve struck the right balance. But this thread is about downward mobility and with a HHI of $2M and a huge net worth, it’s something I think about. How to raise happy, healthy people who can be independent. They’re very unlikely to have what they had growing up. Well probably pay for down payments and grandkids college and all the generational wealth stuff that will make their lives easier but they’re too young to know that now and I wouldn’t want that to affect their life choices yet. The point is when and how to handle the safety net they have without it messing them up. [/quote]

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