How are you preparing your children for downward mobility?

[Anonymous]

I think about this sometimes. In a way DH was downwordly mobile- his dad was a physician and he did not follow him into the medical field but became a Fed, lol. With dual incomes we are comfortable (much more so than how I grew up) but our lifestyle is not as high as how he grew up. DH has always been frugal and a saver and I think he felt he had something to prove to his parents that he could succeed (they were very disappointed that he didn't become a doctor).

SIL (DH's sister) had a harder time letting go of that lifestyle despite not marrying into money- BIL works hard and has a good job, but she is always trying to give their kids everything she grew up with, including living in the "best" neighborhood/school district. She is a SAHM, even with the kids in HS now, and has pretty much admitted they live beyond their means and don't save enough. I think she assumes they will inherit $$ from their parents, which may be so, but their parents have some health challenges already (early 70s) that will require LTC eventually, so it's hard to say.

I do worry about our kids and what job opportunities will be available for them, and just the state of the world overall

[Anonymous]

If you prepare your children for downward mobility they will progress downward.

Perhaps they'll make less money in they're chosen occupation but be happier in life than you currently are.

[Anonymous]

We're saving extremely aggressively. DD isn't aware of this money. But I think things will get harder and harder for the next generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think about this sometimes. In a way DH was downwordly mobile- his dad was a physician and he did not follow him into the medical field but became a Fed, lol. With dual incomes we are comfortable (much more so than how I grew up) but our lifestyle is not as high as how he grew up. DH has always been frugal and a saver and I think he felt he had something to prove to his parents that he could succeed (they were very disappointed that he didn't become a doctor).

SIL (DH's sister) had a harder time letting go of that lifestyle despite not marrying into money- BIL works hard and has a good job, but she is always trying to give their kids everything she grew up with, including living in the "best" neighborhood/school district. She is a SAHM, even with the kids in HS now, and has pretty much admitted they live beyond their means and don't save enough. I think she assumes they will inherit $$ from their parents, which may be so, but their parents have some health challenges already (early 70s) that will require LTC eventually, so it's hard to say.

I do worry about our kids and what job opportunities will be available for them, and just the state of the world overall

I don't see your husband as downwardly mobile just because he chose a different career than his father. It takes a certain kind of person to become a doctor and it’s too bad his parents assumed he would want to copy his father. Plus not all doctors are wealthy. You’re a family that’s comfortable. That’s a good place to be.

[Anonymous]

I don't let them watch any of the Real Housewives shows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think about this sometimes. In a way DH was downwordly mobile- his dad was a physician and he did not follow him into the medical field but became a Fed, lol. With dual incomes we are comfortable (much more so than how I grew up) but our lifestyle is not as high as how he grew up. DH has always been frugal and a saver and I think he felt he had something to prove to his parents that he could succeed (they were very disappointed that he didn't become a doctor).

SIL (DH's sister) had a harder time letting go of that lifestyle despite not marrying into money- BIL works hard and has a good job, but she is always trying to give their kids everything she grew up with, including living in the "best" neighborhood/school district. She is a SAHM, even with the kids in HS now, and has pretty much admitted they live beyond their means and don't save enough. I think she assumes they will inherit $$ from their parents, which may be so, but their parents have some health challenges already (early 70s) that will require LTC eventually, so it's hard to say.

I do worry about our kids and what job opportunities will be available for them, and just the state of the world overall

I don't see your husband as downwardly mobile just because he chose a different career than his father. It takes a certain kind of person to become a doctor and it’s too bad his parents assumed he would want to copy his father. Plus not all doctors are wealthy. You’re a family that’s comfortable. That’s a good place to be.

Really depends on what kind of fed. Most feds I know seem to enjoy their flexibility and work life balance and accept the lower pay for that. In our circles, feds earn the least.

[Anonymous]

What have parents been doing since Jan 2025 to prepare them if anything.

[Anonymous]

My grandparents were peasants and refugees. My parents were poor. They rose to lmc then mc. I have supported myself since the age of 18 and put myself through college and am now UMC. Having a kid in an expensive private has opened my eyes a lot to how generational UMC and UC are very different and how they could have this anxiety about their kids having a different life. Like many have a lifer private school mentality, they are not open to even the best public school. Whereas l am rurally fine with public if that happens to be the best option. They probably don’t realize how elitist they are. I think being exposed to more “normal” people would not be a bad thing for them.

[Anonymous]

Thinking about this more and more. Work ethic and employable degrees. But even still, I predict they won’t be earning as much financially. Have always stressed for them to find what they love. But reality is setting in now. We are UMC so will save for them and pass it down. Grandparents have already set up generation skipping.

I agree if you’re UMC/upper class (but not billionaires) the next generation won’t make as much and will depend at least a bit on generational wealth

[Anonymous]

No. They will do better than us. We have funds set aside to help our eldest buy her first home, and my father has investment accounts setup for her. Her college is already paid for in full. She will not have a penny of debt. Our youngest is only 9 but we will have a good framework for her too. We want to teach her about investment properties like we have and have funds set aside to help her with this. It is crucial that our children are setup for success. Also, this includes globally as my Dad lives abroad and has committed to buying a condo for our eldest if she should move abroad.

[Anonymous]

I worry about this a lot. But we have a SFH in a $ zip code inside the beltway, walkable with a 2.75% mortgage that we can pay off on 1 income. So long as this area doesn’t crash in the long term we should make out pretty well on it. We’ll sell/downsize and use some of the proceeds to help our kids get on the property ladder.

Grandparents are helping a lot with college.

Also we don’t live a life with tons of conspicuous consumption. We drive boring cars, take care of our clothes to wear for many years, etc. So hopefully my kids won’t feel like their lifestyle is too downward.

[Anonymous]

Trying to teach them to find beauty and satisfaction in small, ordinary things. To love nature, and get themselves out in it regularly. To read across generations, and millennia, too. To know history, and to understand that history is happening now, all around them, and it’s bigger than they are, but that doesn’t mean they are powerless. To be useful, whatever thar means. To make things. To move between connection and solitude, and to enjoy both. To see people as people no matter what they have, or don’t. To be active instead of passive, and to be urgent as rarely as possible. To respond instead of reacting. To observe. To notice. To distinguish between happiness, contentment: and joy. To know what brings each, and what doesn’t.

Good life stuff, basically.

Working on it for myself, too. It helps.

[Anonymous]

Investing in your kids and ensuring a good work ethic.
My parents were and are very well off. I grew up in a beautiful waterfront house and spent the weekends on our boat. But we didn't get to do any extracurriculars (because it would have interfered with their weekend plans) and they didn't do much to instill a good work ethic in us or improve our skills. I think my mother just assumed we'd marry well the way she did. I had a lot of native intelligence but was never pushed to strive and they never checked our grades or worried about our studies. Even as a teen with a job my mom used to encourage me to call in sick because "you work hard enough."
Now I am just middle class. We live in a tiny old house on a tiny lot and every extra dollar goes to our kids. They go to a parochial school that I researched extensively and do any extracurricular they fancy. I want them to work hard and cultivate skills and interests. I am not set on them attending a top college but I will make sure they have the social and financial skills to run a business.

[Anonymous]

We made the conscious choice not to live a UMC lifestyle, even though we have the NW for it. We have a small house and only let them choose one EC activity to concentrate on.

They don't know that we have the money that we do.

[Anonymous]

Move out of the DMV. Most people have a lower HHI. They will be fine.