If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?

[Anonymous]

No, his wife knows about me. She loves their lifestyle but she has no interest in sex. I’m not interested in getting married or having children so this relationship is fine for now. I’m don’t consider myself to be a mistress, just a GF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may not care about the spouse because you've been fed one narrative that is a tale as old as time. But you also f'd with my kids and their future and the assumptions they made about their future. College not an issue but grad school, which I also assumed we would help cover if necessary, is now off the table. You are complicit in blowing up my family. I can weather the blows. I have decades of therapy behind me. But your part in rocking my kids' world doesn't let you off the hook so easily.

Omg you sound so bitter and entitled.
No wonder he strayed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t feel an ounce of guilt. He was having a midlife crisis and spiraling in his marriage. I was not the cause of the mid life crisis - and if it hadn’t been me having a passionate brief fling with him it’d have been someone else. He and his actions hurt his marriage. If he’d instead drained their bank account and bought a sports car would you blame the car? This is another weird example of expecting women to act a certain way not for their own wellbeing or self interest but because men are apparently incapable of controlling themselves so women need to do it for them. Nope - your husband made a choice and it’s on him. My responding to the hot guy who flirted with me at a conference resulting in the fun fling I needed at that time in my life is a choice for me, not sorry I didn’t try to help you control your husband when he was clearly actively pursing cheating on you.

And is he a bit gross? Sure. Would I date or marry him? Absolutely not. But I wasn’t looking for love - I’m no fool marrying an obvious cheater then expecting him to change

Nice try to justify your having the morals of an alley cat.

Right? PP you are not a car. You are human and you have a brain. You are supposed to use your better judgment, and your actions should consider people other than yourself.

Aiding and abetting is a crime, even if you didn't plan the crime or chose the target.

A crime? C’mon. Affairs are just one form of betrayal in partnership, but they are not crimes.

The are crimes in religion and overseas in many countries.

Religions do not actually care about crimes around sexuality. They just use it as a means to control and shame women.

[Anonymous]

You all should check out the subreddit /theotherwoman it's a wild place. It has to be the saddest, collectively lowest self esteem corner of the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may not care about the spouse because you've been fed one narrative that is a tale as old as time. But you also f'd with my kids and their future and the assumptions they made about their future. College not an issue but grad school, which I also assumed we would help cover if necessary, is now off the table. You are complicit in blowing up my family. I can weather the blows. I have decades of therapy behind me. But your part in rocking my kids' world doesn't let you off the hook so easily.

Omg you sound so bitter and entitled.
No wonder he strayed.

Cheaters gotta cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Q is how do they feel about being with someone with so little honor? The ability to lie every day about something so significant is not something I value in a friend or an intimate.

We know someone from college who started a relationship by cheating on his live in girlfriend with a co-worker. Married said co-worker, and then was shocked when she cheated on him after they'd had a couple of kids.

If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you.

[Anonymous]

I think that every marriage that has an issue with infidelity is a marriage where there is some other problem too.
Fidelity is just a symptom of the relationship problems.
So I would never judge

Look at Charles and Diana, or Bill and Hillary Clinton

[Anonymous]

Nasty. I was raised to respect other people’s marriages/relationships. My family would be disgusted if I were an OW/AP—or if my brother was too. It’s seen as morally wrong whichever end of it you are on.

There will get the one pp that will say they didn’t know —ok- but once you know- done. You end it.

Cheaters (and I consider the other person a cheater too whether married or not) are defective. They have mental issues and lack empathy. If I find someone is a cheater or a mistress, they seriously diminish in my eyes as untrustworthy, a liar, scummy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

If the marriage were working he wouldn’t be in love with me. He is only still there for the kids.

Question. Do you feel guilt about the kids?

Why would I feel guilt about the kids? My relationship has nothing to do with them. I have no interest in him leaving his family. I have no interest in “more” than we have now— I’m very busy with my career and friends and travel and do not want a marriage or even to have to deal with a man full time. I’m not hurting his kids.

uh.. yes you are. You are complicit in hurting his kids.

It's one thing if you didn't know he had kids, but you clearly do, and you are hurting the kids by knowingly helping destroy their family unit.

Awful.

The “family unit” was destroyed by a nagging, unaccomplished DW who let herself go long before my AP and I even met at work.

Are you actually buying that line?

Yes. I know her. PP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

If the marriage were working he wouldn’t be in love with me. He is only still there for the kids.

Question. Do you feel guilt about the kids?

Why would I feel guilt about the kids? My relationship has nothing to do with them. I have no interest in him leaving his family. I have no interest in “more” than we have now— I’m very busy with my career and friends and travel and do not want a marriage or even to have to deal with a man full time. I’m not hurting his kids.

uh.. yes you are. You are complicit in hurting his kids.

It's one thing if you didn't know he had kids, but you clearly do, and you are hurting the kids by knowingly helping destroy their family unit.

Awful.

The “family unit” was destroyed by a nagging, unaccomplished DW who let herself go long before my AP and I even met at work.

You are a crap person to think that a woman letting herself go is what ruins a family unit.

Do you have kids? Do you know what it's like to have kids a job, a husband who probably does crap at home?

No, that's not me, but if that was my husband, I would have a hard time keeping myself fit. Such a man is also a crap person.

You are both crap people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

If the marriage were working he wouldn’t be in love with me. He is only still there for the kids.

Question. Do you feel guilt about the kids?

Why would I feel guilt about the kids? My relationship has nothing to do with them. I have no interest in him leaving his family. I have no interest in “more” than we have now— I’m very busy with my career and friends and travel and do not want a marriage or even to have to deal with a man full time. I’m not hurting his kids.

uh.. yes you are. You are complicit in hurting his kids.

It's one thing if you didn't know he had kids, but you clearly do, and you are hurting the kids by knowingly helping destroy their family unit.

Awful.

The “family unit” was destroyed by a nagging, unaccomplished DW who let herself go long before my AP and I even met at work.

Is that what he told you?

[Anonymous]

My DH's AP did not care. I don't think she held anything against me, I just think she wanted what she wanted. For awhile, I had some misplaced anger against her, but let's get real. It would have been her or someone else.
As far as guilt, remorse, etc.? We are way harder one women APs than on men or even DH's who cheat. I've learned not to focus on the character, morals, etc. of the person who cheated with my DH. I don't have to live with her, and she is not a role model to my children. I do not care if she is happy, sad, regretful, etc.--she is simply gone from our lives and the shot time I spent focusing on her as a villain, or homewrecker, fueled my trauma. I spoke with a wise family member who stated that if I wanted to save my marriage (and wasn't sure that I did or that everyone should) I needed to put my energy toward that or some other woman could be raising my kids 50% of the time. DH and I have moved on but it took time and effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all should check out the subreddit /theotherwoman it's a wild place. It has to be the saddest, collectively lowest self esteem corner of the internet.

They talk about “the wife” so much. It’s awful. The wife doesn’t even know about them, but she’s the obstacle. And they know nothing about her—just what the guy that wants to bang then for free tells them.

It always struck me they had every “advantage” in their one-sided competition. They only see him an hour here or there at their absolute best—and yet they all end up sad and discarded and can’t win the contest they imagined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No.

If the marriage were working he wouldn’t be in love with me. He is only still there for the kids.

Question. Do you feel guilt about the kids?

What they don’t know won’t hurt them.

Then they did find out and she’s 50s lost the house and living in a crappy apartment making peanuts at the only job she could find after not working for 15 years.

But that is her problem and arose out of her choices. I would never be “not working for 15 years.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am guessing that the AP has no better options - if there was a sexy, wealthy, funny, available unmarried man they would go for him. But the best they can do is a married dude, for whatever reason: they like unavailable men, maybe for the money (sugar daddy situation), or desperation. Who knows.

They can’t get a single guy like that interested in them. They can punch above their weight in the married world. These guys would never date then if they were single.

lol. If this were correct you’d never see men marrying their AP. But they do. Lots of men have an AP in the first place because they realize they could have done a lot better than DW.