I am a great husband and father, AMA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh is like you. I’m so grateful. They DO exist.

My only question: what is a fault of yours. You’re not perfect (nobody is), so what do you think is the one thing your dw would change about you?

Oh wow good question.

I have a tendency to obsess a little over health things, even though intellectually I know they aren’t a big deal. They can cause my stress level to increase more than it needs to. I’m talking about like thinking every skin thing is cancer. I also overdo the worrying a bit about how past choices may affect my future. I wonder a lot if the drinking I did in college will impact my health down the line.

Also I think there have been times where I have used matter of fact language in disagreements about sensitive topics and I should have thought more about how my words would land before I said them.

Said no DCUM poster before now. I call troll, lol.

Isn't this near-exactly what the "high value man" cited as his "flaw" though? Some minor technicality about his language?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh is like you. I’m so grateful. They DO exist.

My only question: what is a fault of yours. You’re not perfect (nobody is), so what do you think is the one thing your dw would change about you?

Oh wow good question.

I have a tendency to obsess a little over health things, even though intellectually I know they aren’t a big deal. They can cause my stress level to increase more than it needs to. I’m talking about like thinking every skin thing is cancer. I also overdo the worrying a bit about how past choices may affect my future. I wonder a lot if the drinking I did in college will impact my health down the line.

Also I think there have been times where I have used matter of fact language in disagreements about sensitive topics and I should have thought more about how my words would land before I said them.

Said no DCUM poster before now. I call troll, lol.

Isn't this near-exactly what the "high value man" cited as his "flaw" though? Some minor technicality about his language?

From the HVM - AMA thread:

"Question: What are your big 5 "issues" and how are you "committed to continued growth and evolution as a person" in regard to them?

This will be too long of an answer to address all of that, so I will only do a few. In my younger years, I had a tendency to cut people off too easily and not give them the benefit of the doubt. I realized that this is not the healthiest impulse for forming strong connections. I have evolved to try to have more empathy, grant people more grace for whatever difficulties they may be experiencing in moments when they have not presented themselves in the best light and tried to step outside of my own head, experiences and thought processes to better understand where I might have blind spots that don't allow me to see where they might be coming from. This is all still a work in progress. Life is hard.

Another has been communication. To keep it short, I have tried become a better, more active listener and less blunt in my approach. As has been exhibited in this thread, this is also a work in progress

I have a committee of trusted people who know me well enough to help point out blind spots and give me perspective, but at the end of the day you have to go with your own gut and discernment."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am genuinely surprised by how much animosity this post generated. I am real and this is all true though, but I guess I’ll call it a day since most people were triggered and now I do have stuff to actually do.

Golly gee, how could trolling be this lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think you're exceptional? You're describing most fathers.

This. The husbands and dads described here on DCUM are the anomoly.

The vast majority of Dads I know in real life are great dads, good husbands, good neighbors, etc. Everyone has flaws, including the moms and husbands, but everyone is doing their best.

It's just the horror stories that get the most clicks on sites like this

#clueless
#NobodysPerfectExcuse

[Anonymous]

How are you Advanced Maternity Age?

Are you bio female and now a trans male husband & father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are you Advanced Maternity Age?

Are you bio female and now a trans male husband & father?

Nice additional reveal OP!

You were a widowed “great spouse and mother” who raised the kids then chose to be a man. Surprise indeed

Troll

[Anonymous]

Do you drive a minivan or is your ego too sensitive for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you Advanced Maternity Age?

Are you bio female and now a trans male husband & father?

Nice additional reveal OP!

You were a widowed “great spouse and mother” who raised the kids then chose to be a man. Surprise indeed

Troll

Not this again.

If they’re not a gay couple surprise, now op is trans?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dh is like you. I’m so grateful. They DO exist.

My only question: what is a fault of yours. You’re not perfect (nobody is), so what do you think is the one thing your dw would change about you?

Oh wow good question.

I have a tendency to obsess a little over health things, even though intellectually I know they aren’t a big deal. They can cause my stress level to increase more than it needs to. I’m talking about like thinking every skin thing is cancer. I also overdo the worrying a bit about how past choices may affect my future. I wonder a lot if the drinking I did in college will impact my health down the line.

Also I think there have been times where I have used matter of fact language in disagreements about sensitive topics and I should have thought more about how my words would land before I said them.

Said no DCUM poster before now. I call troll, lol.

Isn't this near-exactly what the "high value man" cited as his "flaw" though? Some minor technicality about his language?

I assume this poster was high value man , too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think you're exceptional? You're describing most fathers.

Compared to the fathers i know in real life, not really. Compared to what i see discussed here, yes. And I guess it’s not really a fair sample of course because most people come here to complain because why post if everything is going well.

The husbands I know in real life are generally nothing like the ones mentioned on here a lot. I honestly don't know why that is. I imagine some of it is because of course I don't truly know what goes on behind closed doors, I only know what I see (although I do think I have seen a lot with some families). The rest of it I don't know. Perhaps it's our SES level. Perhaps it's our self-selecting group of friends.

Agree, some of the stuff I read on here is absolutely ridiculous and I couldn’t imagine myself or really anyone I know tolerating what I read here.
I think what you see on DCUM is women that are out the outer limits of their patience with no one left to turn to looking for guidance from other anonymous women who are also at the limits of their patience. The bad husband behaviors don’t come about out of nowhere, they are often in retaliation and proportional to slights and insults from the opposing side, the tiny contributing factors leading up to the horrific behavior are rarely discussed.

Whether OP is doing creative writing or he’s for real he sounds exactly like what most husbands I know are, honest, diligent, hard-working men that have their priorities for the most part in order.

Of course OP is going to have his blindsides, he may be poorly attuned to his wife’s sexual preferences, he might insist on cooking Thai too many times a month, no matter how amazing he may be the emotional treadmill we are all on will bring something to mind that could be just a tiny bit better; go ahead and focus on what could be better and all of a sudden your reality is what you’re not getting, resentment sets in and then you hate the man married.

But like most of us she got herself a good guy and could’ve done worse.

This made me laugh out loud. I remember the Thai all the time post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think you're exceptional? You're describing most fathers.

Compared to the fathers i know in real life, not really. Compared to what i see discussed here, yes. And I guess it’s not really a fair sample of course because most people come here to complain because why post if everything is going well.

The husbands I know in real life are generally nothing like the ones mentioned on here a lot. I honestly don't know why that is. I imagine some of it is because of course I don't truly know what goes on behind closed doors, I only know what I see (although I do think I have seen a lot with some families). The rest of it I don't know. Perhaps it's our SES level. Perhaps it's our self-selecting group of friends.

I think you’re not getting the whole story with most other couples. It’s always later when they divorce when the truth comes out.

Sure, no one knows the entire story, but we have vacationed with many of these families and you get to know people pretty well when traveling internationally and sharing a house for 10 days. The two couples that I thought were doomed to divorce did, in fact, get divorced. The others of course still could but we're not spring chickens anymore and kids are largely older so while divorces still could occur, I'd bet no more than one additional couple does so.

In any event, even if I'm wrong about some of the families, the majority of the men are still not like the ones here. We have meals at their houses regularly so I see the men cooking and participating. The men routinely take the kids on trips. I could go on and on but I really don't think I'm that wrong on all of them. Also, my husband is very close with some of the men and while of course they may complain about things every once in awhile, one of the things they have in common is how involved they are. And I'm close with many of the wives and we do discuss our husbands, so I think I'd have some inkling at least with the majority of them if something is going on. So again, I doubt I am not getting the full story with "most" other couples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am genuinely surprised by how much animosity this post generated. I am real and this is all true though, but I guess I’ll call it a day since most people were triggered and now I do have stuff to actually do.

HVM felt similarly about his troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are you Advanced Maternity Age?

Are you bio female and now a trans male husband & father?

APAB
Assigned Perfect at Birth

[Anonymous]

How many Fair Play cards do you hold?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you Advanced Maternity Age?

Are you bio female and now a trans male husband & father?

Nice additional reveal OP!

You were a widowed “great spouse and mother” who raised the kids then chose to be a man. Surprise indeed

Troll

Not this again.

If they’re not a gay couple surprise, now op is trans?!

Oh brother.