Anyone else not proud of their adult child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh your mentality is garbage. Her job in life is not to make you proud. Just love her, support, and encourage her the best you can.

No. You are wrong. Whether or not we admit it publicly, that is our kids’ jobs. My immigrant family would agree with that.

Op here. A lot of feedback… No it’s not her job to make me proud, I’m not asking her to become a doctor! Just show some initiative for anything!
I’m just asking, if you kid age 21 dropped out of college, barely scrapes by community college part time, works a job part time and has zero other interests other than TikTok in spare time, are you supposed to tell her you’re *proud* of her?

And to answer a couple other questions,
I just said partner, but yes, he’s my husband.
My other child launched just fine.
To be honest, it’s kinda hard to tell how she did in high school. She was doing great up until Covid in the middle of grade 10, then yes she got good grades, but everyone did and the bar was quite low to get an A and she had grade inflation for sure. She blew off a lot of stuff but still seem to manage to do fine. She did get a 1300 on her SATs so there is intelligence there.
Yes she has Add and is medicated. She’s responsible her medications.

It sounds more like depression/annxiety and inadequately treated ADD. I don’t understand how “proud” is on your mind. I think you should be looking at how you can support her. First stop would be some evaluation.

I do have a child that I am not proud of. They did all the things, they went to The School, they have all the honors, all the outward signs of success. But they are morally bankrupt, consumed with greed, dishonest, cruel. They hurt people. I am not proud of that child.

[Anonymous]

This is a sad thread to read, not just because of how OP thinks but because of so many of the responses.

[Anonymous]

If you are not proud of your child think of the behavior you modeled to them growing up. They are a reflection of how you raised them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are not proud of your child think of the behavior you modeled to them growing up. They are a reflection of how you raised them.

Thanks Dad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are not proud of your child think of the behavior you modeled to them growing up. They are a reflection of how you raised them.

Anyone who has worked with children knows that’s not true even half of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are not proud of your child think of the behavior you modeled to them growing up. They are a reflection of how you raised them.

Sometimes that is true, and sometimes children just turn out with wildly different behaviors, values, and beliefs. When you have a larger family you may have the unfortunate experience of seeing first hand how children raised in the same circumstances mostly absorb the values, but one does not. To be clear, I don’t mean values around religion, sexuality, etc., but fundamental values about how to treat other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are not proud of your child think of the behavior you modeled to them growing up. They are a reflection of how you raised them.

I'm proud of my kids, but I think this is true in almost no families.

[Anonymous]

She has ADD and she's only 21. I think you should find yourself a good therapist and leave her alone until you can learn how to be supportive and loving without conditions and judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has ADD and she's only 21. I think you should find yourself a good therapist and leave her alone until you can learn how to be supportive and loving without conditions and judgment.

I don't think there's anything wrong with talking to an adult child, living under your roof and underwriting them financially, about moving forward and toward something.

She's going to community college and doing average, and what is the end goal there? Is she working towards an AA? What is the plan for after the AA, going to a 4-year college or starting a career in a particular field?

No one is saying she has to shape up or ship out tomorrow, but at some point a parent does need to push them to move forward.

[Anonymous]

DD transferred out of a university 4hrs away to local cc after the first semester, then transferred back to the university sophomore year. She felt lost and overwhelmed at first, but eventually found her way, all while holding down a job. I think it's ok to take a step back, explore life and make time to weigh decisions. Her mental health was my main concern, and that semester/summer at home I think made her gain a little more grounding to take off. If she's working and going to school, I'd be proud of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're lucky she's not a deadbeat.

If she's responsible, ask her to take on more chores to help her prepare for solo living.

Did she like the college and fail out? Or was she unhappy and left?

I don't think today's society does a great job at helping people figure out what is meaningful in life.

Remember that for most of human history, your daughter's role would have been wife, mother, homemaker. However you feel about that, those roles are more intuitive than a modern career path.

What a bunch of sexist bs. Shoo dinosaur. Nothing is intuitive about any of that. You learn those skills the same way you do everything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a daughter who is 21. She left a good college after one year because she was overwhelmed and could not keep up. She has always done things half assed, and barely gets by. Since leaving college 18 months ago, she has gone to community college and done average there, work a job at a coffee shop and that’s pretty much it. Nothing else. She is sweet and cute but has no friends because it’s hard to meet people. She did have a boyfriend, but they just broke up so now she truly has no one. But she doesn’t try either. She just never seems to do anything that makes me proud. The best thing she does is take out the trash and empty the dishwasher without being asked. I feel that age 21 she should be doing a bit more. I was just out with my friend who says, well she’s doing the minimum of staying out of trouble working and going to school. And she doesn’t do drugs or alcohol and isn’t a problem. I just don’t see much adulting going on and I’m a little worried that this is going to be her whole story in life. I just can’t say I’m proud of her, like my other daughter who works really hard and is outgoing and tries to meet people. Am I being impatient? Does anyone have any advice? She is only 21, but both me and my partner say how we just don’t see change since she left school.

you sound unsufferable
why is this all about you?
what did you model for her growing up?
did you ever talk to her about what she wanted to do?
did you compare the girls growing up?

take a look at yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Military will straighten them out.

[Anonymous]

Dr. Johanna Kaplan developed an amazing program called Life-Prep, based on 15 years of working with young adults not launching successfully. It's definitely worth a look. https://www.washingtonanxietycenter.com/life-prep-program.html

Your young adult can participate in the course all online. We loved it.

D

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Military will straighten them out.

Or turn them out.