Son marrying a woman with no career

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was your future DIL.

My MIL openly criticized every choice I had ever made; from employment, to volunteering to choosing to be a SAHM, to not renovating our house.

Over 20 years later and 4DC, I have no relationship with my MIL. I went gray rock as she was so intrusive and toxic.

What my MIL doesn’t know is that I inherited a life-changing amount of money and sold a rental I’ve owned for a long time.

I don’t know this is as much about wanting your child to marry some trust fund/inheritance heiress as it is wanting your child to be evenly matched with a spouse with some ambition and industry with whom they will build a life. Don’t get me wrong, money is better than no money, but it is something different when you’ve built it together through hard work and shared sacrifice vs hitting the lottery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always made less money than my husband, but I was a better investor, and always saved more (before we married and after). I have more money in my IRA accounts than he does.

It doesn't matter to me because we've been married for a while and we each have our strengths. MIL has no clue about our finances, but maybe she complains to her friends that I'm not her son's financial equal!

Having less money is one thing. Not having career goals to be able to stand on your own two feet is another.

Raising a family is a career.

+100
Loving children into responsible adults is a very meaningful and important career.

You need to look up what the word means.

I think raising a child is the most important role that one can take on.

It is not a career, however. And it is not a full time job for very long (unless you are really trying to milk it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend who made well over 550K a year when single only wanted to date women no career who would to be a great Mom.

He married a nice girl who worked in a department store who did go to college.

They live in a mansion and have three great looking kids. He had plenty of cash. He just needed someone to be there to run house.

How 1950!

So he was not seeking a partner or equal, he was seeking a housekeeper/nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she cooks and cleans and exercises and volunteers and is good with babies and kids, she'll make a great SAHM.

If she does a lot of makeup and dress up and partying and ordering takeout and keeps her home sloppy, then she's a rental.

Solid humans don’t buy or rent women , in this day and age. They seek life partners.

Your post is extremely offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always made less money than my husband, but I was a better investor, and always saved more (before we married and after). I have more money in my IRA accounts than he does.

It doesn't matter to me because we've been married for a while and we each have our strengths. MIL has no clue about our finances, but maybe she complains to her friends that I'm not her son's financial equal!

Having less money is one thing. Not having career goals to be able to stand on your own two feet is another.

Raising a family is a career.

Its a role and responsiblity but not a career.

Most people who work have just a job and not a career.

[Anonymous]

It depends on what they want from a marriage. They can do premarital counseling to find out if this would indeed work long term or not.

If he wants a loving partner who can handle more of the house, kids and social life so he can focus on his career, then a pretty, nice and low ambition woman who wants a more traditional life would work great. If he wants a better lifestyle and affluence then he should be willing to adjust to a career focused high earner and be an equal partner in all responsibilities and putting his own career at back burner at times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always made less money than my husband, but I was a better investor, and always saved more (before we married and after). I have more money in my IRA accounts than he does.

It doesn't matter to me because we've been married for a while and we each have our strengths. MIL has no clue about our finances, but maybe she complains to her friends that I'm not her son's financial equal!

Having less money is one thing. Not having career goals to be able to stand on your own two feet is another.

Raising a family is a career.

Its a role and responsiblity but not a career.

Most people who work have just a job and not a career.

This^ and its perfectly okay if that works for them but no need to glorify it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was your future DIL.

My MIL openly criticized every choice I had ever made; from employment, to volunteering to choosing to be a SAHM, to not renovating our house.

Over 20 years later and 4DC, I have no relationship with my MIL. I went gray rock as she was so intrusive and toxic.

What my MIL doesn’t know is that I inherited a life-changing amount of money and sold a rental I’ve owned for a long time.

I don’t know this is as much about wanting your child to marry some trust fund/inheritance heiress as it is wanting your child to be evenly matched with a spouse with some ambition and industry with whom they will build a life. Don’t get me wrong, money is better than no money, but it is something different when you’ve built it together through hard work and shared sacrifice vs hitting the lottery.

+1 an inheritance is different than a career, in what it reflects about a person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend who made well over 550K a year when single only wanted to date women no career who would to be a great Mom.

He married a nice girl who worked in a department store who did go to college.

They live in a mansion and have three great looking kids. He had plenty of cash. He just needed someone to be there to run house.

How 1950!

So he was not seeking a partner or equal, he was seeking a housekeeper/nanny?

Is that less gross than gold-digging your prospective DIL?

[Anonymous]

Meh I think it is a red flag. Who wants an aimless lay-about for their son? Plus, it makes for a wide that’s waaay too clingy if she has nothing going on for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend who made well over 550K a year when single only wanted to date women no career who would to be a great Mom.

He married a nice girl who worked in a department store who did go to college.

They live in a mansion and have three great looking kids. He had plenty of cash. He just needed someone to be there to run house.

How 1950!

So he was not seeking a partner or equal, he was seeking a housekeeper/nanny?

Well he was also “breeding”. He is average looking at best. He has three beautiful kids. His oldest son is a star QB and looks like a model, his two daughters are gorgeous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend who made well over 550K a year when single only wanted to date women no career who would to be a great Mom.

He married a nice girl who worked in a department store who did go to college.

They live in a mansion and have three great looking kids. He had plenty of cash. He just needed someone to be there to run house.

And when she got a bit older and more run down, he traded up for the latest fashion. A younger, fresher version - Wifey 2.0

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also wish posters would stop acting like being lazy is a precursor to being a SAHM. The best SAHM are the ones who aren't and have never been lazy.

+1

...and I work full time. I know some SAHMs who work harder at that and raising their children than I do at my job. They take every aspect very seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always made less money than my husband, but I was a better investor, and always saved more (before we married and after). I have more money in my IRA accounts than he does.

It doesn't matter to me because we've been married for a while and we each have our strengths. MIL has no clue about our finances, but maybe she complains to her friends that I'm not her son's financial equal!

Having less money is one thing. Not having career goals to be able to stand on your own two feet is another.

Raising a family is a career.

+100
Loving children into responsible adults is a very meaningful and important career.

Don't fool yourself. There is nothing career about it. It's an I import job, but there are no "opportunities for significant progress" as is part of the definition for career.

[Anonymous]

I guess you get a chance for 18 years to raise and educate your kids well so they've common sense to find good careers and good partners, then let them decide how they chose to live their lives with those partners. You be there to give love and holiday dinners and occasional babysitting.