Son marrying a woman with no career

[Anonymous]

Depends on why and what they want

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel about your son (who has a semi lucrative career but nothing crazy) marrying a woman who is college educated but makes close to minimum wage in her late 20’s? This is my son. She’s pretty and nice but has no career or money of her own. They’re both the same age.

I would pay for a lawyer and make sure he signs a prenup.

[Anonymous]

If my daughter wanted to marry a career less guy in his late 20s making minimum wage…I would tell her the same thing I would tell your son. Their choice but while love might seem like all you need now, having a partner who can’t adult will wear you down in the long run.

[Anonymous]

So what? If they have kids, she might have a more flexible job (or none) and can manage the house. This would definitely benefit your son and his career!

Careers ebb and flow over time. Look at all the highly paid tech people who have been laid off in the last two years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my daughter wanted to marry a career less guy in his late 20s making minimum wage…I would tell her the same thing I would tell your son. Their choice but while love might seem like all you need now, having a partner who can’t adult will wear you down in the long run.

This. Resentment will build up fast if she is not contributing to the household at least initially when they are getting married, buying a house etc and building some savings before kids.

[Anonymous]

I would be so thankful she was college educated but I've had some scary close calls with smart relatives choosing not so smart partners. I am passionate about well rounded education and suspect my kids would be happier with a smarter partner, even if they didn't make as much as someone without education. Ditzy people are pleasant enough but get annoying fast.

[Anonymous]

What are you son’s expectations of her as a wife? What is her financial situation right now?

[Anonymous]

Is he happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel about your son (who has a semi lucrative career but nothing crazy) marrying a woman who is college educated but makes close to minimum wage in her late 20’s? This is my son. She’s pretty and nice but has no career or money of her own. They’re both the same age.

define “semi-lucrative”

[Anonymous]

It doesn't really matter what you feel. Take those feelings and shove them all the way down so you don't express them, or you risk losing your relationship with your son.

[Anonymous]

Do parents have sway over choice of their kid's fiance?

[Anonymous]

I'd be upset and would talk to son about it (preferably way before they became close to getting engaged).

But if they get married, unfortunately, not much you can do but be supportive if you don't want to push them away.

[Anonymous]

I would not feel good about it at all but I would assume it’s happening. If she’s open, do you have any connections for a more lucrative job? It may be that she wants something better but just hasn’t found it yet. A friend of mine got engaged (years ago) to a guy who had a similar profile as your soon to be DIL. He was open to being set up on some interviews through her family’s connections, got an entry level job with growth potential and has been consistently performing ever since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be upset and would talk to son about it (preferably way before they became close to getting engaged).

But if they get married, unfortunately, not much you can do but be supportive if you don't want to push them away.

These are adults. MYOB. If my parents talked about my fiance in any negative way, I would keep them at arms length!

[Anonymous]

Also, what is her job? I married my husband when we were 28. He was in his first year in big law. I made $25,000. With an college degree. So, we might fit your model.

But, I was working as a high school English teacher. I made so little because I taught at a boarding school and also got free housing. I was doing a Masters in the summers. I was pretty poor but I wasn’t lazy or unmotivated. It’s been 30 years and my career has been all over the place, as has my salary, but I will never be a very high earner. DH and his lovely parents don’t seem to care.