My mom is like Kate Gosselin

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the person can deserve to be yelled at AND the yelling can be dysfunctional, both at the same time.

No one deserves to be yelled at. The abusive a holes on this thread need to calmly use their words or think of an alternate solution. I don’t feel one bit sorry for women who choose to overlook all sorts of red flags when dating, marry anyway, and have kids with a useless DH.

So why all the pity for the man who got himself into this situation? Just say you don’t like women.

I like smart women who own their decisions, not the whiners on here who blame their DH for everything, including their own bad behavior. If I saw a DH on here whining I’d blame him too, so no need for your victim mentality.

for someone who presumably believes himself to be smart, you have zero ability to learn about what actually happens in some types of marriages. so I guess your purpose for being here is to tell everyone how superior you are. that’s great, you seem like a great guy!

There’s nothing special happening in these marriages that doesn’t happen in millions of other marriages. The only difference is the way the people handle things and the personality disordered people on here are obviously not managing well if they’re yelling at their spouses. They have no one to blame but themselves. Own your behavior instead of attacking others.

Ok you’re right. Whenever a woman yells or gets mad or “nags,” that absolves the man of all responsibility.

(Actually this is exactly what my exDH believed: that unless/until I was “nicer” he didn’t need to do anything at home. He didn’t deny what he was doing but literally told me it was my fault. Mind you I wasn’t a yeller but he certainly believed me being “nicer” was the whole issue. He tanked our relationship that way. And of course for himself, he had zero issues with escalating physically and never apologizing.)

If you’re not a yeller and your DH escalates physically, obviously he’s the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the person can deserve to be yelled at AND the yelling can be dysfunctional, both at the same time.

No one deserves to be yelled at. The abusive a holes on this thread need to calmly use their words or think of an alternate solution. I don’t feel one bit sorry for women who choose to overlook all sorts of red flags when dating, marry anyway, and have kids with a useless DH.

So why all the pity for the man who got himself into this situation? Just say you don’t like women.

I like smart women who own their decisions, not the whiners on here who blame their DH for everything, including their own bad behavior. If I saw a DH on here whining I’d blame him too, so no need for your victim mentality.

for someone who presumably believes himself to be smart, you have zero ability to learn about what actually happens in some types of marriages. so I guess your purpose for being here is to tell everyone how superior you are. that’s great, you seem like a great guy!

There’s nothing special happening in these marriages that doesn’t happen in millions of other marriages. The only difference is the way the people handle things and the personality disordered people on here are obviously not managing well if they’re yelling at their spouses. They have no one to blame but themselves. Own your behavior instead of attacking others.

Why don’t the henpecked men leave? Who is forcing them to stay and be abused? They don’t really want a partnership or to pull their weight. So, go?

Sure they can go but maybe there’s financial, emotional barriers, who knows? Anyway, you’re deflecting. We’re talking about the problematic yelling not why the guy isn’t leaving. Learn to stay on topic.

The yelling is a symptom of the disease. He’s made his bed and he can lie in it, big boy that he is. Or he probably knows life will only get worse without someone doing the heavy lifting for him.

The disease is the marriage the wife and husband entered into despite being completely unsuitable for one another. He’s not the only one responsible for this. It’s on both people and one or both don’t get to engage in abusive behaviors just bc it sucks, especially when there are children present. Either get out or suffer in silence.

[Anonymous]

This is enlightening to see how many believe that a woman can not claim to be abused if her husband can justify berating, scolding, screaming, yelling at her by identifying things she did or didn't do that led to his frustration and behaviour.

It is interesting as on many threads where a woman says her husband was screaming, yelling, berating her...people call it abuse. They don't ask but did you do anything or not do anything that led to him being frustrated or overwhelmed - is their something in your relationship dynamic that explains why he has no choice but to act that way.

I wonder if we will see more comments saying the same as this thread that if she is the cause (via action or inaction) of his frustration - then it isn't abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the person can deserve to be yelled at AND the yelling can be dysfunctional, both at the same time.

No one deserves to be yelled at. The abusive a holes on this thread need to calmly use their words or think of an alternate solution. I don’t feel one bit sorry for women who choose to overlook all sorts of red flags when dating, marry anyway, and have kids with a useless DH.

So why all the pity for the man who got himself into this situation? Just say you don’t like women.

I like smart women who own their decisions, not the whiners on here who blame their DH for everything, including their own bad behavior. If I saw a DH on here whining I’d blame him too, so no need for your victim mentality.

for someone who presumably believes himself to be smart, you have zero ability to learn about what actually happens in some types of marriages. so I guess your purpose for being here is to tell everyone how superior you are. that’s great, you seem like a great guy!

There’s nothing special happening in these marriages that doesn’t happen in millions of other marriages. The only difference is the way the people handle things and the personality disordered people on here are obviously not managing well if they’re yelling at their spouses. They have no one to blame but themselves. Own your behavior instead of attacking others.

Ok you’re right. Whenever a woman yells or gets mad or “nags,” that absolves the man of all responsibility.

(Actually this is exactly what my exDH believed: that unless/until I was “nicer” he didn’t need to do anything at home. He didn’t deny what he was doing but literally told me it was my fault. Mind you I wasn’t a yeller but he certainly believed me being “nicer” was the whole issue. He tanked our relationship that way. And of course for himself, he had zero issues with escalating physically and never apologizing.)

If you’re not a yeller and your DH escalates physically, obviously he’s the problem.

But I have yelled at times and said harsh words. Is it all my fault? And of course when you see a couple where the woman gets mad you have ZERO knowledge of what happens behind closed doors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the person can deserve to be yelled at AND the yelling can be dysfunctional, both at the same time.

No one deserves to be yelled at. The abusive a holes on this thread need to calmly use their words or think of an alternate solution. I don’t feel one bit sorry for women who choose to overlook all sorts of red flags when dating, marry anyway, and have kids with a useless DH.

So why all the pity for the man who got himself into this situation? Just say you don’t like women.

I like smart women who own their decisions, not the whiners on here who blame their DH for everything, including their own bad behavior. If I saw a DH on here whining I’d blame him too, so no need for your victim mentality.

for someone who presumably believes himself to be smart, you have zero ability to learn about what actually happens in some types of marriages. so I guess your purpose for being here is to tell everyone how superior you are. that’s great, you seem like a great guy!

There’s nothing special happening in these marriages that doesn’t happen in millions of other marriages. The only difference is the way the people handle things and the personality disordered people on here are obviously not managing well if they’re yelling at their spouses. They have no one to blame but themselves. Own your behavior instead of attacking others.

Ok you’re right. Whenever a woman yells or gets mad or “nags,” that absolves the man of all responsibility.

(Actually this is exactly what my exDH believed: that unless/until I was “nicer” he didn’t need to do anything at home. He didn’t deny what he was doing but literally told me it was my fault. Mind you I wasn’t a yeller but he certainly believed me being “nicer” was the whole issue. He tanked our relationship that way. And of course for himself, he had zero issues with escalating physically and never apologizing.)

If you’re not a yeller and your DH escalates physically, obviously he’s the problem.

But I have yelled at times and said harsh words. Is it all my fault? And of course when you see a couple where the woman gets mad you have ZERO knowledge of what happens behind closed doors. [/quote

Same thing when a man gets mad. You have zero knowledge of what happens behing closed doors or how she has treated him or what she has or hasn't done to deserve that anger. It might not be his fault at all.

[Anonymous]

^^most of the time on DCUM we have women coming here to describe just how unfairly they are being treated by their DH. Then the incels come and claim it’s actually her fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^most of the time on DCUM we have women coming here to describe just how unfairly they are being treated by their DH. Then the incels come and claim it’s actually her fault.

According to this thread, it could well be her fault. According to this thread, she might be doing or not doing something that is making him act that way and it is on her to not do those things or to do what he asks so he doesn't get frustrated or overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is enlightening to see how many believe that a woman can not claim to be abused if her husband can justify berating, scolding, screaming, yelling at her by identifying things she did or didn't do that led to his frustration and behaviour.

It is interesting as on many threads where a woman says her husband was screaming, yelling, berating her...people call it abuse. They don't ask but did you do anything or not do anything that led to him being frustrated or overwhelmed - is their something in your relationship dynamic that explains why he has no choice but to act that way.

I wonder if we will see more comments saying the same as this thread that if she is the cause (via action or inaction) of his frustration - then it isn't abuse.

It’s behavior, incel. We’re in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the person can deserve to be yelled at AND the yelling can be dysfunctional, both at the same time.

No one deserves to be yelled at. The abusive a holes on this thread need to calmly use their words or think of an alternate solution. I don’t feel one bit sorry for women who choose to overlook all sorts of red flags when dating, marry anyway, and have kids with a useless DH.

So why all the pity for the man who got himself into this situation? Just say you don’t like women.

I like smart women who own their decisions, not the whiners on here who blame their DH for everything, including their own bad behavior. If I saw a DH on here whining I’d blame him too, so no need for your victim mentality.

for someone who presumably believes himself to be smart, you have zero ability to learn about what actually happens in some types of marriages. so I guess your purpose for being here is to tell everyone how superior you are. that’s great, you seem like a great guy!

There’s nothing special happening in these marriages that doesn’t happen in millions of other marriages. The only difference is the way the people handle things and the personality disordered people on here are obviously not managing well if they’re yelling at their spouses. They have no one to blame but themselves. Own your behavior instead of attacking others.

Why don’t the henpecked men leave? Who is forcing them to stay and be abused? They don’t really want a partnership or to pull their weight. So, go?

Sure they can go but maybe there’s financial, emotional barriers, who knows? Anyway, you’re deflecting. We’re talking about the problematic yelling not why the guy isn’t leaving. Learn to stay on topic.

The yelling is a symptom of the disease. He’s made his bed and he can lie in it, big boy that he is. Or he probably knows life will only get worse without someone doing the heavy lifting for him.

The disease is the marriage the wife and husband entered into despite being completely unsuitable for one another. He’s not the only one responsible for this. It’s on both people and one or both don’t get to engage in abusive behaviors just bc it sucks, especially when there are children present. Either get out or suffer in silence.

That’s between the two people involved. It’s not for anyone else to judge who is the abuser and who is the abused with such limited information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is enlightening to see how many believe that a woman can not claim to be abused if her husband can justify berating, scolding, screaming, yelling at her by identifying things she did or didn't do that led to his frustration and behaviour.

It is interesting as on many threads where a woman says her husband was screaming, yelling, berating her...people call it abuse. They don't ask but did you do anything or not do anything that led to him being frustrated or overwhelmed - is their something in your relationship dynamic that explains why he has no choice but to act that way.

I wonder if we will see more comments saying the same as this thread that if she is the cause (via action or inaction) of his frustration - then it isn't abuse.

It’s behavior, incel. We’re in the US.

You don't have to be in the US to post and you don't know what an incel is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is enlightening to see how many believe that a woman can not claim to be abused if her husband can justify berating, scolding, screaming, yelling at her by identifying things she did or didn't do that led to his frustration and behaviour.

It is interesting as on many threads where a woman says her husband was screaming, yelling, berating her...people call it abuse. They don't ask but did you do anything or not do anything that led to him being frustrated or overwhelmed - is their something in your relationship dynamic that explains why he has no choice but to act that way.

I wonder if we will see more comments saying the same as this thread that if she is the cause (via action or inaction) of his frustration - then it isn't abuse.

It’s behavior, incel. We’re in the US.

You don't have to be in the US to post and you don't know what an incel is.

Nice try, troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just google yelling in homes impact on kids. The results aren’t pretty.

When they are being yelled at. Yelling at a hard of hearing dad is different.

Actually no. Parents yelling at each other has about the same harm as spanking. Anger and aggression in the home has a significant detrimental effect on kids.

Better than getting divorced. Have you seen that effect on kids?

Witnessing and being victim of bullying in the home is far more detrimental than visiting two calm parents in separate living spaces.

The problem of course is that most parents are terrible at self assessment for all the reasons that would be so, and many are unwilling to admit how much of a bully they may be to partner and to kids.

Very few bully parents do it only to the spouse and are always kind and patient with the children. Beyond which, subjecting your children to witnessing the bullying of their parent is abuse in itself. A partner who abuses their children's parent cannot themselves claim to be a good parent - they are among the worst kind of parent there is, creating a 'home' filled with tension and heightened anxiety in which little developing brains and bodies stew, learning unhealthy coping mechanisms that will become their lifetime struggle to overcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just google yelling in homes impact on kids. The results aren’t pretty.

When they are being yelled at. Yelling at a hard of hearing dad is different.

Actually no. Parents yelling at each other has about the same harm as spanking. Anger and aggression in the home has a significant detrimental effect on kids.

Better than getting divorced. Have you seen that effect on kids?

Witnessing and being victim of bullying in the home is far more detrimental than visiting two calm parents in separate living spaces.

The problem of course is that most parents are terrible at self assessment for all the reasons that would be so, and many are unwilling to admit how much of a bully they may be to partner and to kids.

Very few bully parents do it only to the spouse and are always kind and patient with the children. Beyond which, subjecting your children to witnessing the bullying of their parent is abuse in itself. A partner who abuses their children's parent cannot themselves claim to be a good parent - they are among the worst kind of parent there is, creating a 'home' filled with tension and heightened anxiety in which little developing brains and bodies stew, learning unhealthy coping mechanisms that will become their lifetime struggle to overcome.

So the kids are screwed either way if the parents divorce. But now the kids get to roam back and forth between homes and maybe there will be additional financial stress on top of having bad parents. Divorce won’t make like better for kids. Which is why i said what i said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is enlightening to see how many believe that a woman can not claim to be abused if her husband can justify berating, scolding, screaming, yelling at her by identifying things she did or didn't do that led to his frustration and behaviour.

It is interesting as on many threads where a woman says her husband was screaming, yelling, berating her...people call it abuse. They don't ask but did you do anything or not do anything that led to him being frustrated or overwhelmed - is their something in your relationship dynamic that explains why he has no choice but to act that way.

I wonder if we will see more comments saying the same as this thread that if she is the cause (via action or inaction) of his frustration - then it isn't abuse.

It’s behavior, incel. We’re in the US.

PP has a valid point and you weren’t able to formulate a better response than this? Safe to say your side lost. Maybe you can vent your frustration by screaming at your DH and kids. Your anger is always justified right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is enlightening to see how many believe that a woman can not claim to be abused if her husband can justify berating, scolding, screaming, yelling at her by identifying things she did or didn't do that led to his frustration and behaviour.

It is interesting as on many threads where a woman says her husband was screaming, yelling, berating her...people call it abuse. They don't ask but did you do anything or not do anything that led to him being frustrated or overwhelmed - is their something in your relationship dynamic that explains why he has no choice but to act that way.

I wonder if we will see more comments saying the same as this thread that if she is the cause (via action or inaction) of his frustration - then it isn't abuse.

It’s behavior, incel. We’re in the US.

PP has a valid point and you weren’t able to formulate a better response than this? Safe to say your side lost. Maybe you can vent your frustration by screaming at your DH and kids. Your anger is always justified right?

PP is not in the US or American and wants to lecture women on how to deal with husbands? I wonder what egalitarian place that wonderful PP is posting from.