Do all schools play favorites with big donor kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was class captain for my kid’s school’s major fundraising effort last year. You’d be surprised. Most people give a pretty small amount, just so we stop bothering them.

If you give above a few thousand dollars, you’ll be invited to special donor events. Just to give some perspective.

A 7-figure gift would be exceptionally unusual in this area.

Agreed. Also, a local school also had a fundraising round in which they weren't accepting anything below $100,000 - so there are also distinctions being made below $1m. I can assure you that are families giving over $100,000 (published in public reports) that had better college placement outcomes, especially if also legacy (even some with very striking low rigor and low GPA).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We happily give a few thousand plus each year. Get all the invites but never go. No visible favoritism for our kids.

A few thousand is not enough in HS to make a difference. Perhaps at a k-8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please name your school if you think your school is consistent in applying behavior standards to all kids. Trying to figure out if this is rampant at all schools.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised, but have now had our kids at their independent school for five years (3 kids) and seeing a pattern of no strongly enforced values / behavior standards, particularly for kids who have parents who are large donors.

I sort of expected that to be true for the truly large donors (who are giving six and seven figure donations for capital campaigns) but I would estimate there are only 6-8 of these families at our school. In all honesty, I would probably be fine with that since their donations really do benefit the school. But it’s also true for the families who give $25k annual donations.

I’ve seen fights on the playground, awful exclusionary behaviors on social media (during school day!), nasty notes sent with curse words insulting peers, socially harassing behavior, inappropriate leering at peers, etc., and nothing is done to the kids who do it - they get talked to about it over and over again but the HOS for that section.

Fwiw, we aren’t big donors, but we are full pay for 3 kids and do contribute generously. I guess I am wondering if the grass is greener elsewhere…

It appears that way. This past year they have showed the grossest over the top display of favoritism but more for the parents themselves.

Sadly they will now loose many large donations. Still will receive small donations from those families but many families have expressed they are annoyed and will donate a much smaller amount this year than they are able to do.

Board Member and VIPS taking up all of HOS's time at every event and every sporting event and school gala is so tacky. HOS should know better and know this sort of thing makes them loose money overall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please name your school if you think your school is consistent in applying behavior standards to all kids. Trying to figure out if this is rampant at all schools.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised, but have now had our kids at their independent school for five years (3 kids) and seeing a pattern of no strongly enforced values / behavior standards, particularly for kids who have parents who are large donors.

I sort of expected that to be true for the truly large donors (who are giving six and seven figure donations for capital campaigns) but I would estimate there are only 6-8 of these families at our school. In all honesty, I would probably be fine with that since their donations really do benefit the school. But it’s also true for the families who give $25k annual donations.

I’ve seen fights on the playground, awful exclusionary behaviors on social media (during school day!), nasty notes sent with curse words insulting peers, socially harassing behavior, inappropriate leering at peers, etc., and nothing is done to the kids who do it - they get talked to about it over and over again but the HOS for that section.

Fwiw, we aren’t big donors, but we are full pay for 3 kids and do contribute generously. I guess I am wondering if the grass is greener elsewhere…

Usually, the big donors’ kids have lower grades and receive certificates of recognition for their academic performance. It’s disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How big is a big donor?
A million dollars is not considered a big donor. If your kid cheat, you will still get an F. If your kid steals, you will get expelled.

But 10 million and above donation may be another story. They will pay some attention to the kid to avoid those awkward situation.

With that amount of donation, I am sure all the teachers will keep an eye on him to make sure he will not run into that "awkward situation". It doesn't take much extra effort, only takes some preventive measures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please name your school if you think your school is consistent in applying behavior standards to all kids. Trying to figure out if this is rampant at all schools.

I have no idea who the big donors are at out school, who there kids might be, or which kids are getting in trouble - or not - whether or not they should be.

At our previous k-8 I knew a few families who were big donors because they had gardens named after them or were called out as offering $50,000 matching gift incentives, and it was a pretty small school. Never got the impression their kids were troublemakers but overlooked, however, or treated any differently. In HS? No clue. Don’t care.