Do all schools play favorites with big donor kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a kid constantly causing problems and has been physical on multiple occasions at my child’s private. His Dad is an alum. School sends out emails about donors/can see at the galas and the family is never even on it. Definitely not big money so the entire thing is very confusing considering there are always waitlists and they could easily replace the student.

Or they’re donating a ton anonymously.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is sort of ironic. Elite, wealthy, entitled people at a private school complaining about even wealthier people getting slightly more preferential treatment than they are getting!

all are not elite or wealthy. some are on financial aid or really giving up a lot to afford to send their kids to these schools. Small houses, used cars, no vacations, etc....

Nope, it’s ironic that the people complaining about rich people getting special treatment choose to be part of a school that perpetuates that special treatment, presumably because they want it for themselves and/or their kids.

[Anonymous]

Every year we donate an amount equal to the yearly cost of tuition at our children's 2 privates, I have never noticed being treated differently, except once when an administrator waived a minor cost for us.

[Anonymous]

I have seen it at Beauvoir.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is sort of ironic. Elite, wealthy, entitled people at a private school complaining about even wealthier people getting slightly more preferential treatment than they are getting!

all are not elite or wealthy. some are on financial aid or really giving up a lot to afford to send their kids to these schools. Small houses, used cars, no vacations, etc....

Nope, it’s ironic that the people complaining about rich people getting special treatment choose to be part of a school that perpetuates that special treatment, presumably because they want it for themselves and/or their kids.

It’s like people complaining that the monarchy isn’t fair. No, the monarchy isn’t fair. Neither are private schools. These places are inherently elitest. You bought into them wanting to be part of the elite, but within the schools, you’re not elite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a kid constantly causing problems and has been physical on multiple occasions at my child’s private. His Dad is an alum. School sends out emails about donors/can see at the galas and the family is never even on it. Definitely not big money so the entire thing is very confusing considering there are always waitlists and they could easily replace the student.

Or they’re donating a ton anonymously.

Or the kid has documented special needs and the school is making a good-faith effort to try to work with the family. If this is the case, and seriously problematic behavior continues, then the school eventually will counsel-out and help place the child into a special-needs school. I have seen this happen once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Providing unfair benefits to big donors is a BOGUS practice. Schools should be more FAIR.

Nothing about private schooling is “fair”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not at our school. The college admits follow the GPAs. I know this doesn't follow your drama narrative but it's the case at my kids' Big3--I have seen it play out several times with several kids. The kids getting into the top colleges are the kids at the top of the class or academically strong kids with legacy at the colleges or minorities--not random big donor kids at the high school. Some of the biggest donors in my kids' classes had kids matriculate to the least competitive schools in the class.

Big3 school does not have specific pull at top10 University A: "hey, please take this mediocre, big donor kid. We owe it to this family." They just don't.

At my school, the kids with alumni/donor hooks to the college (e.g., Harvard) were the ones who got into the Ivys, NOT the high GPA / strong academic students, and this was true even for students whose parents had Ivy hooks but were not significant donors to the private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not at our school. The college admits follow the GPAs. I know this doesn't follow your drama narrative but it's the case at my kids' Big3--I have seen it play out several times with several kids. The kids getting into the top colleges are the kids at the top of the class or academically strong kids with legacy at the colleges or minorities--not random big donor kids at the high school. Some of the biggest donors in my kids' classes had kids matriculate to the least competitive schools in the class.

Big3 school does not have specific pull at top10 University A: "hey, please take this mediocre, big donor kid. We owe it to this family." They just don't.

At my school, the kids with alumni/donor hooks to the college (e.g., Harvard) were the ones who got into the Ivys, NOT the high GPA / strong academic students, and this was true even for students whose parents had Ivy hooks but were not significant donors to the private school.

And that is why private schools ask parents of children applying for preK where they went to college and grad school. The legacy continues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please name your school if you think your school is consistent in applying behavior standards to all kids. Trying to figure out if this is rampant at all schools.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised, but have now had our kids at their independent school for five years (3 kids) and seeing a pattern of no strongly enforced values / behavior standards, particularly for kids who have parents who are large donors.

I sort of expected that to be true for the truly large donors (who are giving six and seven figure donations for capital campaigns) but I would estimate there are only 6-8 of these families at our school. In all honesty, I would probably be fine with that since their donations really do benefit the school. But it’s also true for the families who give $25k annual donations.

I’ve seen fights on the playground, awful exclusionary behaviors on social media (during school day!), nasty notes sent with curse words insulting peers, socially harassing behavior, inappropriate leering at peers, etc., and nothing is done to the kids who do it - they get talked to about it over and over again but the HOS for that section.

Fwiw, we aren’t big donors, but we are full pay for 3 kids and do contribute generously. I guess I am wondering if the grass is greener elsewhere…

Op to answer your question - at some schools yes.

Look at the Governing Boards at some schools. They literally allow current board members to replace their seats with their best friend. You can not get into the circle of consideration unless you are friends or at the same club as certain people.

Not sure how this may or may not apply to kids but possibly favorites in regards to not getting expelled when others were expelled for the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please name your school if you think your school is consistent in applying behavior standards to all kids. Trying to figure out if this is rampant at all schools.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised, but have now had our kids at their independent school for five years (3 kids) and seeing a pattern of no strongly enforced values / behavior standards, particularly for kids who have parents who are large donors.

I sort of expected that to be true for the truly large donors (who are giving six and seven figure donations for capital campaigns) but I would estimate there are only 6-8 of these families at our school. In all honesty, I would probably be fine with that since their donations really do benefit the school. But it’s also true for the families who give $25k annual donations.

I’ve seen fights on the playground, awful exclusionary behaviors on social media (during school day!), nasty notes sent with curse words insulting peers, socially harassing behavior, inappropriate leering at peers, etc., and nothing is done to the kids who do it - they get talked to about it over and over again but the HOS for that section.

Fwiw, we aren’t big donors, but we are full pay for 3 kids and do contribute generously. I guess I am wondering if the grass is greener elsewhere…

Op to answer your question - at some schools yes.

Look at the Governing Boards at some schools. They literally allow current board members to replace their seats with their best friend. You can not get into the circle of consideration unless you are friends or at the same club as certain people.

Not sure how this may or may not apply to kids but possibly favorites in regards to not getting expelled when others were expelled for the same thing.

Op, look at the governing boards recently announced at your kids schools and this will give you the answer to your question.

Kudos to some schools that have really made the process transparent and more fair and open to all while others have actually gone backwards in regards to an open fair process and are still nominating and selecting from the same insular group. This is what happens when too much power is placed in one insular group.

[Anonymous]

Actually, I've seen it backfire when donor parents try and swing their weight around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please name your school if you think your school is consistent in applying behavior standards to all kids. Trying to figure out if this is rampant at all schools.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised, but have now had our kids at their independent school for five years (3 kids) and seeing a pattern of no strongly enforced values / behavior standards, particularly for kids who have parents who are large donors.

I sort of expected that to be true for the truly large donors (who are giving six and seven figure donations for capital campaigns) but I would estimate there are only 6-8 of these families at our school. In all honesty, I would probably be fine with that since their donations really do benefit the school. But it’s also true for the families who give $25k annual donations.

I’ve seen fights on the playground, awful exclusionary behaviors on social media (during school day!), nasty notes sent with curse words insulting peers, socially harassing behavior, inappropriate leering at peers, etc., and nothing is done to the kids who do it - they get talked to about it over and over again but the HOS for that section.

Fwiw, we aren’t big donors, but we are full pay for 3 kids and do contribute generously. I guess I am wondering if the grass is greener elsewhere…

You didn’t name your school OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I've seen it backfire when donor parents try and swing their weight around.

All new board members belonging to the same country club? Is there something written in the school bylaws that requires this? Just curious.