Do all schools play favorites with big donor kids?

[Anonymous]

Providing unfair benefits to big donors is a BOGUS practice. Schools should be more FAIR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our experience it doesn't matter in high school at all. Donor or board member kids do not preferentially get better/popular teachers, better grades, better college placement, etc.

Yes they do! Percentage wise - board members kids get into their first choice school at a much higher rate. In fact the ones I know was a list 100 percent.

Not at our school. The college admits follow the GPAs. I know this doesn't follow your drama narrative but it's the case at my kids' Big3--I have seen it play out several times with several kids. The kids getting into the top colleges are the kids at the top of the class or academically strong kids with legacy at the colleges or minorities--not random big donor kids at the high school. Some of the biggest donors in my kids' classes had kids matriculate to the least competitive schools in the class.

Big3 school does not have specific pull at top10 University A: "hey, please take this mediocre, big donor kid. We owe it to this family." They just don't.

Noone said they were mediocre. What was said that two equally great applicants apply and the board members kid gets into the top 10 school and the other gets into top 25. that is the different time and time again.

What’s also true is that you get on the board by being an alum or donating a lot of money or being politically/socially connected. All that overlaps with privileges that help you get admitted to top 10 schools: inter generational wealth (alum status) and connections in addition to plain old money.

[Anonymous]

There is a kid constantly causing problems and has been physical on multiple occasions at my child’s private. His Dad is an alum. School sends out emails about donors/can see at the galas and the family is never even on it. Definitely not big money so the entire thing is very confusing considering there are always waitlists and they could easily replace the student.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a kid constantly causing problems and has been physical on multiple occasions at my child’s private. His Dad is an alum. School sends out emails about donors/can see at the galas and the family is never even on it. Definitely not big money so the entire thing is very confusing considering there are always waitlists and they could easily replace the student.

Might be one of two things. They are wealthier than you think and the school is hoping for a donation or they are well-connected and could cause all kinds of problems if their snowflake were expelled.

There’s a family at one of my DS’ school that never donates but they are extremely wealthy and well-connected and the school treats their children with kid gloves. Even cheating didn’t result in any kind of discipline,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a kid constantly causing problems and has been physical on multiple occasions at my child’s private. His Dad is an alum. School sends out emails about donors/can see at the galas and the family is never even on it. Definitely not big money so the entire thing is very confusing considering there are always waitlists and they could easily replace the student.

Might be one of two things. They are wealthier than you think and the school is hoping for a donation or they are well-connected and could cause all kinds of problems if their snowflake were expelled.

There’s a family at one of my DS’ school that never donates but they are extremely wealthy and well-connected and the school treats their children with kid gloves. Even cheating didn’t result in any kind of discipline,

Another reason for high teacher turnover nowadays. If admin won't support a teacher trying to uphold standards and order in the classroom, there are lots of other schools where maybe they will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a kid constantly causing problems and has been physical on multiple occasions at my child’s private. His Dad is an alum. School sends out emails about donors/can see at the galas and the family is never even on it. Definitely not big money so the entire thing is very confusing considering there are always waitlists and they could easily replace the student.

Might be one of two things. They are wealthier than you think and the school is hoping for a donation or they are well-connected and could cause all kinds of problems if their snowflake were expelled.

There’s a family at one of my DS’ school that never donates but they are extremely wealthy and well-connected and the school treats their children with kid gloves. Even cheating didn’t result in any kind of discipline,

Another reason for high teacher turnover nowadays. If admin won't support a teacher trying to uphold standards and order in the classroom, there are lots of other schools where maybe they will.

Can’t teachers stand up as a group against this kind of favoritism? Having kids earn grades honestly seems the bare minimum a school should be doing.

[Anonymous]

This thread is sort of ironic. Elite, wealthy, entitled people at a private school complaining about even wealthier people getting slightly more preferential treatment than they are getting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is sort of ironic. Elite, wealthy, entitled people at a private school complaining about even wealthier people getting slightly more preferential treatment than they are getting!

all are not elite or wealthy. some are on financial aid or really giving up a lot to afford to send their kids to these schools. Small houses, used cars, no vacations, etc....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a kid constantly causing problems and has been physical on multiple occasions at my child’s private. His Dad is an alum. School sends out emails about donors/can see at the galas and the family is never even on it. Definitely not big money so the entire thing is very confusing considering there are always waitlists and they could easily replace the student.

Might be one of two things. They are wealthier than you think and the school is hoping for a donation or they are well-connected and could cause all kinds of problems if their snowflake were expelled.

There’s a family at one of my DS’ school that never donates but they are extremely wealthy and well-connected and the school treats their children with kid gloves. Even cheating didn’t result in any kind of discipline,

Wow? Cheating if proven in my kids' day at a top 3 was automatic expulsion. Is that not the case anymore??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please name your school if you think your school is consistent in applying behavior standards to all kids. Trying to figure out if this is rampant at all schools.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised, but have now had our kids at their independent school for five years (3 kids) and seeing a pattern of no strongly enforced values / behavior standards, particularly for kids who have parents who are large donors.

I sort of expected that to be true for the truly large donors (who are giving six and seven figure donations for capital campaigns) but I would estimate there are only 6-8 of these families at our school. In all honesty, I would probably be fine with that since their donations really do benefit the school. But it’s also true for the families who give $25k annual donations.

I’ve seen fights on the playground, awful exclusionary behaviors on social media (during school day!), nasty notes sent with curse words insulting peers, socially harassing behavior, inappropriate leering at peers, etc., and nothing is done to the kids who do it - they get talked to about it over and over again but the HOS for that section.

Fwiw, we aren’t big donors, but we are full pay for 3 kids and do contribute generously. I guess I am wondering if the grass is greener elsewhere…

Depends and also their parents. Souse of board member says anti semitic comments openly frequently despite husband being born Jewish but non practicing. Many parents have heard comments and school does nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a kid constantly causing problems and has been physical on multiple occasions at my child’s private. His Dad is an alum. School sends out emails about donors/can see at the galas and the family is never even on it. Definitely not big money so the entire thing is very confusing considering there are always waitlists and they could easily replace the student.

Might be one of two things. They are wealthier than you think and the school is hoping for a donation or they are well-connected and could cause all kinds of problems if their snowflake were expelled.

There’s a family at one of my DS’ school that never donates but they are extremely wealthy and well-connected and the school treats their children with kid gloves. Even cheating didn’t result in any kind of discipline,

Wow? Cheating if proven in my kids' day at a top 3 was automatic expulsion. Is that not the case anymore??

No longer the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a kid constantly causing problems and has been physical on multiple occasions at my child’s private. His Dad is an alum. School sends out emails about donors/can see at the galas and the family is never even on it. Definitely not big money so the entire thing is very confusing considering there are always waitlists and they could easily replace the student.

Might be one of two things. They are wealthier than you think and the school is hoping for a donation or they are well-connected and could cause all kinds of problems if their snowflake were expelled.

There’s a family at one of my DS’ school that never donates but they are extremely wealthy and well-connected and the school treats their children with kid gloves. Even cheating didn’t result in any kind of discipline,

Another reason for high teacher turnover nowadays. If admin won't support a teacher trying to uphold standards and order in the classroom, there are lots of other schools where maybe they will.

Can’t teachers stand up as a group against this kind of favoritism? Having kids earn grades honestly seems the bare minimum a school should be doing.

Not if they want to be sure about a job at that same school next year. Most teachers aren't going to risk their livelihood for another teacher's problem unless you can coalesce all 5-6 teachers who deal with the problem student at once. More likely, disgruntled teachers will just leave for greener pastures. Almost any experienced teacher still breathing today can get a job elsewhere without much trouble.

Private school teaching employment is "at will" and can be terminated anytime for almost any reason, by both sides. Very little firm ground for collective bargaining.

[Anonymous]

Yes, even as a student I knew the donor kids were more special than everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Holton did back when my kid attended.

One girl assaulted and bullied another girl (a financial aid recipient) for years, and the big donor/ board member parents weren’t even informed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Potomac definitely does.

At recent graduation, Board member handed out diplomas and hugged her kid's friends. While it might have been because she had a connection to them, she should definitely have been the adult and told them that it would not be appropriate to hug some kids and not others. A very bad look for Potomac.

This is so inappropriate. STA also allows board members to present their children with diplomas. Bad look that says that some grads and their parents are more special than others.

Potomac treats the donors specially, as in the example above, but not the kids. I mentioned earlier the garbage treatment, so ask me how I know. And they stayed there because the decision to send them or keep them there was not up to me and led to many many arguments. Spouse and extended family obsessed with the place.