Do all schools play favorites with big donor kids?

[Anonymous]

Please name your school if you think your school is consistent in applying behavior standards to all kids. Trying to figure out if this is rampant at all schools.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so surprised, but have now had our kids at their independent school for five years (3 kids) and seeing a pattern of no strongly enforced values / behavior standards, particularly for kids who have parents who are large donors.

I sort of expected that to be true for the truly large donors (who are giving six and seven figure donations for capital campaigns) but I would estimate there are only 6-8 of these families at our school. In all honesty, I would probably be fine with that since their donations really do benefit the school. But it’s also true for the families who give $25k annual donations.

I’ve seen fights on the playground, awful exclusionary behaviors on social media (during school day!), nasty notes sent with curse words insulting peers, socially harassing behavior, inappropriate leering at peers, etc., and nothing is done to the kids who do it - they get talked to about it over and over again but the HOS for that section.

Fwiw, we aren’t big donors, but we are full pay for 3 kids and do contribute generously. I guess I am wondering if the grass is greener elsewhere…

[Anonymous]

In general, behavior management has declined in all aspects of child development- in home, at school, public, private, domestic, and international. This isn't something unique to your kid or school. I'm not saying it's ok, but there's a reason SNL had a skit about it. "Y'all won."

[Anonymous]

I've worked in DC private schools for almost 20 years. With rare exception, I don't believe that schools play favorites with the children of donors.

Teachers and administrators don't want to know whose kids are more privileged, and when they do get a sense of that, they bend over backwards to avoid favoritism. Remember that educators are not well-compensated themselves and have enormous empathy for less-privileged children.

I suspect that the school IS trying to deal with the behavior you're describing. You're just not in the know about those conversations because it violates the student's right to privacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In general, behavior management has declined in all aspects of child development- in home, at school, public, private, domestic, and international. This isn't something unique to your kid or school. I'm not saying it's ok, but there's a reason SNL had a skit about it. "Y'all won."

Very apt. Thanks for the skit reco.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ttska8oXZP4

[Anonymous]

Yes 100%

[Anonymous]

Of the very small handful of folks I know for a fact to be large donors (because they were named in campaign communications, for example as offering a $100k matching incentive), none of the students of those families are troublemakers. For the vast majority students, I have no idea what their families’ donation status is and whether or not it might have affected discipline, the details of which I generally don’t know about, either.

Maybe just worry about your own kid and not what the school is doing with other kids?

[Anonymous]

Is the Pope Catholic? Is water wet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In general, behavior management has declined in all aspects of child development- in home, at school, public, private, domestic, and international. This isn't something unique to your kid or school. I'm not saying it's ok, but there's a reason SNL had a skit about it. "Y'all won."

+1 you’d experience even worse in public, probably.

Would be different kids and it would be blamed on poverty or SN status.. but it’d be the same result if not worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In general, behavior management has declined in all aspects of child development- in home, at school, public, private, domestic, and international. This isn't something unique to your kid or school. I'm not saying it's ok, but there's a reason SNL had a skit about it. "Y'all won."

+1 you’d experience even worse in public, probably.

Would be different kids and it would be blamed on poverty or SN status.. but it’d be the same result if not worse.

Wrong forum. Stick to the bad behavior in privates.

[Anonymous]

My family was top 5 donor to our private during our time there (including a 7-figure gift) and our kids were treated like absolute garbage. Fact is, teachers don't know or care who the donors are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family was top 5 donor to our private during our time there (including a 7-figure gift) and our kids were treated like absolute garbage. Fact is, teachers don't know or care who the donors are.

Why give to or even keep kids (multiple kids?) at a school where they are treated like garbage?

[Anonymous]

We are large donors. At our school, that means more meetings with the HOS and development office (though mostly that's about asking us to give or get others to give). Preferential treatment? There, you would need to look at board members. At least at our school, some of the board members flaunt their special privileges pretty brazenly. Not a fan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family was top 5 donor to our private during our time there (including a 7-figure gift) and our kids were treated like absolute garbage. Fact is, teachers don't know or care who the donors are.

I call bs. Who gives more than $1M to a school that treats their kids like garbage? Who even stays at a school that treats their kids like garbage? Mistreated kids = meeting w HOS and new school at earliest opportunity.

[Anonymous]

At our school, high donors and Board members' kids got passes for bad behavior and awards at the end of the year for things like tying their shoelaces, breathing, etc.

[Anonymous]

As a former private school teacher, I took care to avoid knowing who the big donors were. I had a colleague get burned once, and she took care to know. So it probably varies on a teacher-to-teacher basis.