Do all schools play favorites with big donor kids?

[Anonymous]

We have seen it at NPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Potomac definitely does.

At recent graduation, Board member handed out diplomas and hugged her kid's friends. While it might have been because she had a connection to them, she should definitely have been the adult and told them that it would not be appropriate to hug some kids and not others. A very bad look for Potomac.

100% TRUE!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a kid constantly causing problems and has been physical on multiple occasions at my child’s private. His Dad is an alum. School sends out emails about donors/can see at the galas and the family is never even on it. Definitely not big money so the entire thing is very confusing considering there are always waitlists and they could easily replace the student.

Might be one of two things. They are wealthier than you think and the school is hoping for a donation or they are well-connected and could cause all kinds of problems if their snowflake were expelled.

There’s a family at one of my DS’ school that never donates but they are extremely wealthy and well-connected and the school treats their children with kid gloves. Even cheating didn’t result in any kind of discipline,

Wow? Cheating if proven in my kids' day at a top 3 was automatic expulsion. Is that not the case anymore??

No longer the case.

Not just donors, when DEI students are caught cheating, they just get a slap on the wrist or a warning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is sort of ironic. Elite, wealthy, entitled people at a private school complaining about even wealthier people getting slightly more preferential treatment than they are getting!

all are not elite or wealthy. some are on financial aid or really giving up a lot to afford to send their kids to these schools. Small houses, used cars, no vacations, etc....

Nope, it’s ironic that the people complaining about rich people getting special treatment choose to be part of a school that perpetuates that special treatment, presumably because they want it for themselves and/or their kids.

Ignorant assumption. Choosing a school that offers better academics than zoned for public school is not seeking special treatment.

If you’re rich, you can live in an area where the public schools are strong. If you live in an area where your public school sucks, you send your kids to private school.

[Anonymous]

As parents of two kids who are almost 100% Financial Aid at two different big 3 schools, both of them are well above 50k/year, I am very grateful for those big donor families. Without those families, my kids would be in low-level performing public schools. If the administration favors kids from big donor families, I am absolutely OK with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As parents of two kids who are almost 100% Financial Aid at two different big 3 schools, both of them are well above 50k/year, I am very grateful for those big donor families. Without those families, my kids would be in low-level performing public schools. If the administration favors kids from big donor families, I am absolutely OK with it.

Man, you are totally sucked into the class mentality.

It’s good that you’re grateful for yourself but it is downright crazy to say that it’s okay for kids to be treated differently because of their family’s wealth. We pay full tuition for our kids and don’t appreciate the differential treatment extended to donor families. Everything from tolerating cheating when other non big donor kids are expelled for the same offense to allowing bullying and hazing to go unchecked.

*🦆 people who think this is ok for any reason.

[Anonymous]

We are a big donor family so it was really interesting to see what happened when a kid from another family known as a big prospect (but not current big donor) engaged in a long campaign of bullying my child.

The bully kid is one of 4 kids and has several cousins at the school. The school definitely did a calculation of (tuition per year * child)+future possible donation when working through disciplinary action.

We’ve also noticed that families with siblings are much more likely to repeatedly get the “good” teachers year after year. Most rely on tuition for their operating budgets so it makes sense, but was still a bit surprising to see it play out, especially as the parent of an only child in a cohort with many younger siblings.

So I would say it’s not just about being a big donor but also that longevity at the school and full-pay relatives is another financial factor that dictates how students are treated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a kid constantly causing problems and has been physical on multiple occasions at my child’s private. His Dad is an alum. School sends out emails about donors/can see at the galas and the family is never even on it. Definitely not big money so the entire thing is very confusing considering there are always waitlists and they could easily replace the student.

Might be one of two things. They are wealthier than you think and the school is hoping for a donation or they are well-connected and could cause all kinds of problems if their snowflake were expelled.

There’s a family at one of my DS’ school that never donates but they are extremely wealthy and well-connected and the school treats their children with kid gloves. Even cheating didn’t result in any kind of discipline,

We have a family like that. Their kids are hellions but the family is so connected that they’re untouchable. And I don’t mean rich-and-famous people kind of connections- they’ve just been in the community for decades and know seemingly everyone and anyone who can or will ever want to go to any private school in our area. They’re sitting on hundreds of millions of dollars. They don’t donate, they don’t volunteer. They’ve got us all by the b@lls and they know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We have seen it at NPS.

Agreed on NPS playing favorites with donors, as well as with kids of staff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the Pope Catholic? Is water wet?

+1 Yes. OP you want to name and shame-not sure if you're trying to write an expose for the Washingtonian, which of course would be a good read, but the answer is yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are large donors. At our school, that means more meetings with the HOS and development office (though mostly that's about asking us to give or get others to give). Preferential treatment? There, you would need to look at board members. At least at our school, some of the board members flaunt their special privileges pretty brazenly. Not a fan.

This is true at our K-8 also. Donor status is nothing compared to board status or heavy volunteer status.

[Anonymous]

Trustee and big donor here, and unfortunately my DD’s school is clearly trying to make a point to the community because those of us trustees who have a child at the school got assigned the very worst teachers this year. My family got pretty stuck last year during a bullying situation because of the need to stay for me to stay at arm’s length from the administration (beyond the HOS). It was eventually resolved but dealing with it was more delicate than it needed to be. I’m considering not entering a second term as a trustee because I think it puts my child in an unfair position.

I will not be increasing my donations this year and really don’t want to have that conversation with development. I didn’t expect anything for my donations or board service, but I didn’t expect to be treated worse than others in order for the school to show that they don’t play favorites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Potomac definitely does.

At recent graduation, Board member handed out diplomas and hugged her kid's friends. While it might have been because she had a connection to them, she should definitely have been the adult and told them that it would not be appropriate to hug some kids and not others. A very bad look for Potomac.

100% TRUE!

Potomac has much deeper issues than hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family was top 5 donor to our private during our time there (including a 7-figure gift) and our kids were treated like absolute garbage. Fact is, teachers don't know or care who the donors are.

I call bs. Who gives more than $1M to a school that treats their kids like garbage? Who even stays at a school that treats their kids like garbage? Mistreated kids = meeting w HOS and new school at earliest opportunity.

People don't donate as much as you think they do. Take a look at a school's annual report for normal donation levels.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the school. I went to a private school where the board presidents son sexually assaulted another student and even boasted about it with no consequences. He also refused to answer questions from the police. I went to another private school where the son of a major donor was expelled. Different schools have different cultures and ethics.