Vent: Invited to 4 child-free weddings this summer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My favorite way to do this is to split parents. The parent who is related to the couple or knows them best goes, and the parent who doesn’t stays home with the kids. It’s great to have a solo night, it makes travel much easier and cheaper, and a wedding is a great place to go stag. You probably already know people and if not, you can always make friends at a wedding. We do this even if our kids are invited. I don’t want to wrangle my kids at a wedding unless I really have to.

I love getting away to a quick solo wedding, and so does my spouse. Try it!

Yes! We are seeing this more and more. It makes so much more sense than airfares for a family of 5, with the kids skipping school for a parent's cousin's wedding the kids barely know.

Also feel free to say no to a wedding. We had to, eventually, at the height of weddings for our cohort. It got to be too much with taking up all our travel budget and leave time, and having to forego other fun longer trips, to dash from a wedding in a random city for the weekend, without even getting travel deals, chaotic.

DP. I'd be questioning why the family as a whole is fine with a convicted pedophile being at a wedding, even a childfree one, much less IN the wedding. Maybe he's done his time and is in serious therapy and is remorseful etc. and shouldn't be excluded. But the one family I know where there was a convicted pedophile cut hin out of everything, forever. No remorse in that guy's case, though, and no treatment after he got out of prison. Sorry to derail. Just noting that if the pedophile cousin is reason to exclude kids from an event where those kids would (supposedly) be watched at all times, then he's nowhere near ready to be included in any events at all.

I think, for us, the disappointing part is that there isn't one family wedding we can go to because of this. So I don't mind skipping all or most but we don't get to see family even once because they all are not allowing kids.

I totally get the one wedding where the best man is a pedophile (no joke) but the rest it just sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many of the weddings I’ve been to have included *some* kids - usually +/- 5 nieces/nephews but not kids of friends or cousins. I feel like this is a reasonable compromise.

I feel like you should invite people by category (kids over whatever age but not toddlers, long-term relationships but not random dates), not by “I feel like inviting this person’s partner but not that person’s”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been attending weddings for 20 years and this is the 2nd to 5th time I've been invited to child-free weddings. I don't get it. At least for one wedding we know we're one of only 2 people with kids in the family. It's just so off putting. I'd frankly rather not be invited.

NP. I don’t have young kids and I hate child-free weddings. They are always boring, always just tedious exercises in narcissism. I agree, I would rather just not be invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been attending weddings for 20 years and this is the 2nd to 5th time I've been invited to child-free weddings. I don't get it. At least for one wedding we know we're one of only 2 people with kids in the family. It's just so off putting. I'd frankly rather not be invited.

NP. I don’t have young kids and I hate child-free weddings. They are always boring, always just tedious exercises in narcissism. I agree, I would rather just not be invited.

If you're that bored, you'd probably be bored in any environment geared towards adults. That's nothing to brag about. It speaks to some poor social skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we are not planning a child free wedding but I expect that the parents will look after them and remove them if they are too destructive.

Your in for a surprise!

+1

[Anonymous]

As someone who had a child free wedding; we did this partially because we did not want certain people to come (but felt obligated to invite them).

[Anonymous]

I don’t really want to take my kids to a wedding. I want to eat an uninterrupted dinner, enjoy the bar, and dance. But if it’s too difficult to arrange a sitter, we just skip or one of us goes solo. It’s not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are entitled to have the kind of wedding they want, OP. Just decline, nbd.

I think that there may be a little too much entitlement going on with these spoiled brides today. Weddings are about friends and family too. If they weren’t, more people would just go to the courthouse.

But where do you draw the line? I got married recently, had a small-ish wedding (around 70 people). I don't have young nieces, nephews, etc. so the "children" invited would largely be people I'd never met before (e.g., husband's college roommate's three kids under 5). I didn't invite actual friends I wished I could've invited; I can't justify a spot for 15+ kids that neither me or my husband are close to.

FWIW, my wedding was local to 90% of the attendees. We did have one couple decline due to childcare but I did not want them to come anyways, my mom made me invite them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think more people are having child free weddings because parents aren’t parenting kids. Kids are wild and parents think it’s just so cute, but it’s not.

—parent and teacher

As a kid that was so fun! We always free ranged at big parties and looked out for one another. It was awesome. We laughed at the grown ups, danced, hid under tables calling it a clubhouse. Different times.

Charming. Crashing into adult legs while playing tag under the tables and being obnoxious running around. This is why people don't want kids at their receptions. And the type of people who desperately want their kids there are the least likely to adequately supervise. They are just too cheap and too enmeshed to hire sitters. The bride and groom know exactly what they are doing planning for these child free weddings, they expect certain people to decline, it's all part of the headcount plan.

Go on with your outraged self(ie).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gives me a great reason not to attend. Weddings blow anyways

/End Thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think more people are having child free weddings because parents aren’t parenting kids. Kids are wild and parents think it’s just so cute, but it’s not.

—parent and teacher

As a kid that was so fun! We always free ranged at big parties and looked out for one another. It was awesome. We laughed at the grown ups, danced, hid under tables calling it a clubhouse. Different times.

Charming. Crashing into adult legs while playing tag under the tables and being obnoxious running around. This is why people don't want kids at their receptions. And the type of people who desperately want their kids there are the least likely to adequately supervise. They are just too cheap and too enmeshed to hire sitters. The bride and groom know exactly what they are doing planning for these child free weddings, they expect certain people to decline, it's all part of the headcount plan.

Go on with your outraged self(ie).

Enjoy your nights home alone with your children. Everyone wins that way.

[Anonymous]

Maybetween girls want to attend a wedding, but that’s the last place on earth my sons would have wanted to be at that tween and teen age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many of the weddings I’ve been to have included *some* kids - usually +/- 5 nieces/nephews but not kids of friends or cousins. I feel like this is a reasonable compromise.

I feel like you should invite people by category (kids over whatever age but not toddlers, long-term relationships but not random dates), not by “I feel like inviting this person’s partner but not that person’s”

I agree with this — as the parent of two toddlers who were the only kids at a wedding (kids were in the wedding party), it’s miserable being the only parent wrangling kids anyway especially since they don’t have anyone they’re age to play with and the schedule/behavior expectations are adult-focused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kids take over the dance floor, spill things, cry, etc. Just not cute. IMO weddings are for adults.

Oh my goodness. The kids taking over the dance floor was just about my FAVORITE thing at my wedding!!!! I loved it so much. Still makes me smile after all these years.

By the way I think this is a cultural thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aren’t most weddings mostly childfree? The only weddings my children have been invited to are family ones. I can’t remember a wedding where everyone’s children were invited. I am almost 60.

Not for Catholics in the midwest they aren't.