“Not a sign of good breeding”

[Anonymous]

Don’t forget American cheese.

[Anonymous]

Threads like these are why I keep coming to the DCUM forums. It’s a fascinating peak into the most insecure or classist people ever! Almost like reading an ethnography. I have never had anyone tell me something was indicative of being “ill-bred”: are we in Victorian England? What the actual heck.

Getting something more elaborate at a restaurant because you could make the other thing at home is common sense. There’s many reasons to go to a restaurant, and vast majority of people have food at home they could make but make the choice to have the restaurant cook for them. As long as the choice is yummy, who cares?

I really hope I never stumble upon any of these insecure sounding people in my life, been having a good run thus far.

[Anonymous]

Leaving the price tag on a gift

[Anonymous]

OP, you’re disgusting and pathetic!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Going to Ocean City MD for vacation.

Or Virginia Beach.

Unless you’re an old money Richmond-bred type, in which case the north end of Va Beach or Sandbridge are acceptable. But never, ever OBX.

Otherwise, talking about money or how much something costs is a dead giveaway.

I am the OP and I am actually serious. On this forum I have learned that complimenting someone’s home when you visit is considered tacky. That kind of stuff. I had no idea! I mean I know enough not to buy a truck but am genuinely curious about what more subtle things I am doing that blow my cover when I try to pass as someone raised middle or upper class.

I have never heard this. I thought saying something positive and sincere was the right thing to do! And all this time people thought "wow, what a peasant" when I did it.

Because it's incorrect. I am what OP would probably describe as "well-bred." It is customary and gracious to say something nice about your host or hostess's home.

I think it’s a bit more subtle than that - it’s sort of about knowing your place. To make a dramatic example, it is by no means rude to warmly tell a close friend that you think their house is lovely when you go to visit (I would put the outer bounds of this at older relative of close friend, or older person with whom you socialize often. But if someone is absolute leagues above you in importance [perceived that way by most, or very obviously so], then you would come across as extremely arrogant for implying that your opinion on their personal interior decoration matters. Even if you worded the compliment in the most careful way, you may as well have smacked your gum and yelled, “Great job decorating, you!”

Similarly, it’s not a question of French toast vs eggs Benedict per se, as someone upthread claimed, but rather: (1) you’re talking directly about money; (2) you may be making others at the table uncomfortable bc it sounds like you could be saying you can’t afford this brunch; (3) announcing that you can do something yourself at home better might be seen as crass because it takes away from the point, which is to gather together and enjoy the moment; (4) you could be seen as boasting about your cooking, which is awkward etc etc etc

Some of us reject this way of thinking. We are both human beings; you are not more worthy than I, nor vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Going to Ocean City MD for vacation.

Or Virginia Beach.

Unless you’re an old money Richmond-bred type, in which case the north end of Va Beach or Sandbridge are acceptable. But never, ever OBX.

Otherwise, talking about money or how much something costs is a dead giveaway.

I am the OP and I am actually serious. On this forum I have learned that complimenting someone’s home when you visit is considered tacky. That kind of stuff. I had no idea! I mean I know enough not to buy a truck but am genuinely curious about what more subtle things I am doing that blow my cover when I try to pass as someone raised middle or upper class.

Complimenting someone’s home is not tacky.
Your original post was not tacky either
Stop trying so hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was told my an old money boyfriend thirty years ago to “make sure I didn’t dip anything” - like bread in sauce or whatever- in front of his grandmother or she’s consider me low class.

I remember being so shocked. I’m Italian. We dip. Apparently, Ill bred

Are you a real Italian as in born and raised there or from Philly? Because there's a huge difference. And the Italian uperclasses aren't dipping anything either.

My father-in-law is from 30 minutes outside of Rome and dips things all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parochial schools aren’t private?

They are, obviously. PP's just displaying ill-bred bigotry.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It is the striving bourgeoisie who desperately seeks to judge others on their breeding, or lack thereof.

The poor and aristocrats don't care. The former because they believe they will never arrive, and the latter because their ancestors already secured their place for them. The middle classes are the ones who face the strongest social pressures and the most incentive to signal their belonging to desired groups.

- European aristocrat. My family would never think to judge you or anyone else on such ridiculous details as personal habits, casual remarks or clothing choices, OP. They will always be courteous no matter what.

Why, oh why, is everyone "European" always so coy about the actual country? Do you think we'll instantly know who you are if say you're Lithuanian or Danish or Greek or whatever? It's really annoying, almost as if none of you know that Europe is a continent with 40+ countries

I've never someone say "I'm from South America", it's generally always I'm Colombian, Peruvian, Brazilian.

I mean, it also sounds weird to say "I'm from North America" instead of Canada, the US or Mexico.

Yes, it's absurd. Maybe we should start an OT thread and ask all of the "Europeans" that seem to permeate DCUM why they can never name the country!

Because they are ‘Muricans and have no idea

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asking for or giving "house tours" to dinner or party guests.

Not true. I see the always rich giving house tours on instagram all the time

[Anonymous]

LOL at the nonsense here. French toast is simply stale bread with eggs, a meal that can last longer than something that the rich will throw away. Eggs Benedict was for people who could afford lovely eggs on their own, as it was not a part of a breaded process. There is nothing more to it.
We are decades upon decades removed from such poverty for it to mean anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is the striving bourgeoisie who desperately seeks to judge others on their breeding, or lack thereof.

The poor and aristocrats don't care. The former because they believe they will never arrive, and the latter because their ancestors already secured their place for them. The middle classes are the ones who face the strongest social pressures and the most incentive to signal their belonging to desired groups.

- European aristocrat. My family would never think to judge you or anyone else on such ridiculous details as personal habits, casual remarks or clothing choices, OP. They will always be courteous no matter what.

You post here all the time. I find you incredibly irritating. Your so-called aristocratic status matters nothing at all. Half the European aristocracy have nothing but an old house and a silly costume these days, particularly in France. The fact that your great great uncle managed to save a small part of the family estate by making a side deal with Robespierre to kill all monarchists in the village, in exchange for some hectares of grape vines to avoid your mansion being sacked isn’t the impressive lineage you think it is. Weasel stock that avoided the guillotine. Hurray!!

Just stop bringing it up. Repeating it over and over again doesn’t make it more impressive or believable.

+1

It's ridiculous and makes me cringe every time. This PP must be insufferable IRL.

I agree; she is horrid. I am also from Europe and allegedly had some aristocratic ancestors. But, I am from former Yugoslavia! How dare I even mention I had aristos in my family tree! We are nothing but savages to the nobility of Western Europe! That's what they called us, savages for centuries and monsters. I ate stale bread dipped in eggs and fried all the time.

Plus, all the world messes we have due to these Western European aristos, but they called my people savages while they were murdering millions at home and overseas!

[Anonymous]

I was raised by a long line of uppity judgers. But comments about "poor breeding" (or weight, or divorce, or bad homemaking skills, etc.) are made in hushed tones to people you 100% trust and NEVER EVER to the person's face! Come on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is the striving bourgeoisie who desperately seeks to judge others on their breeding, or lack thereof.

The poor and aristocrats don't care. The former because they believe they will never arrive, and the latter because their ancestors already secured their place for them. The middle classes are the ones who face the strongest social pressures and the most incentive to signal their belonging to desired groups.

- European aristocrat. My family would never think to judge you or anyone else on such ridiculous details as personal habits, casual remarks or clothing choices, OP. They will always be courteous no matter what.

You post here all the time. I find you incredibly irritating. Your so-called aristocratic status matters nothing at all. Half the European aristocracy have nothing but an old house and a silly costume these days, particularly in France. The fact that your great great uncle managed to save a small part of the family estate by making a side deal with Robespierre to kill all monarchists in the village, in exchange for some hectares of grape vines to avoid your mansion being sacked isn’t the impressive lineage you think it is. Weasel stock that avoided the guillotine. Hurray!!

Just stop bringing it up. Repeating it over and over again doesn’t make it more impressive or believable.

+1

It's ridiculous and makes me cringe every time. This PP must be insufferable IRL.

I have a friend who is obsessed with old money. She married an old money. Basically his great grandfather made a fortune and his grandfather grew up extremely wealthy. My friend married a grandson and not one of them did well academically or professionally. They all live off this one grandfather. It is actually quite sad and kind of pathetic. I know they like to look down at others who did better than them professionally. Everything is low class to them while they can’t afford to eat out or do home repairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asking for or giving "house tours" to dinner or party guests.

Not true. I see the always rich giving house tours on instagram all the time

Rich people giving house tours on instagram are the definition of “poorly bred.”