Seeking Advice: Nanny Refuses to Drive Teen After Weed Incident

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 100% team nanny.

Sounds like your kid isn't old enough to drive (<16?) and you dont seem to GAF that your child had drugs? And you dont GAF that your nanny could have had her car impounded? Because of your POS kid? How dare you call her paranoid. I hope she quits on you with 0 notice. You sound like an awful person to work for.

It's our car and we don't side with our teen the nanny is refusing to drive the teen anymore

What do you mean you don’t side with your teen? This whole post is about how to keep your teen’s schedule (driving) on track. Not a mention that maybe it shouldn’t on track anymore.

We already setup and paid for camps, and other summer activities that need to be driven to while we work. Not doing them aren't punishments, punishments are already handled.

Wow. I see where your priorities are. You aren’t taking this seriously at all.

Some of you on this board are really crazy. Is OP supposed to quit her job and not have childcare for the summer because her kid possessed weed? Also it is likely better for her son to be active at a camp with supervision than home unattended while she works.

Needing transportation/childcare is a separate issue than punishment for weed use (which OP indicates has been addressed).

Also, I think while of course this is reasonably a huge deal to the nanny and her feelings are justified, that in order to actually be convicted of a crime, the prosecutors would have to show knowledge of the drugs and some sort of implied possession/control. Not to mention in many jurisdictions weed use is decriminalized. So from a purely legal standpoint, I don’t think this is catastrophe some posters are making it out to be. Although I totally get why the nanny would want to avoid any potential hassles of this altogether.

Ultimately this comes down to a matter of the family needing to regain the nanny’s trust. Which I think means validating her feelings and making sure the son understands the seriousness of dragging an innocent person into this. Maybe there could even be some sort of addition to the contract about OP’s family being financially liable for any legal fees, missed work, etc. caused by any teenage misconduct. Also, she should have free rein to search and/or question him for the foreseeable future and he should be making his amends to her.

Ultimately though if she was hired to drive OP’s kids around and she doesn’t feel comfortable doing the job duties, then this employment isn’t going to work out. If it seems non salvageable trust-wise then I’d offer a severance and voluntary termination of employment with promise of good references if that is what the nanny prefers (versus resuming her job duties).

A kid under 16 who is not driving and has weed would be sent away to summer camp where he or she could be supervised so they wouldn't have time to buy weed. If they can afford a nanny they could afford a sleep away camp.

A kid that age who has week is most likely a difficult kid and the nanny probably doesn't want to have to spend any time with him or her.

I know you want to think this, but it’s not necessarily the case. I know because I was smoking pot by 14/15 years old and was a gifted/honors student. Homework done every night. Abided by curfew. Looked like a goody two shoes on the surface. I knew friends with super religious parents doing drugs. Kids from good families who were very nice. Parents had no clue. We could all be sneaky and knew where to hide things.

I realize it makes you feel safe to assume only the difficult kids are doing stuff, but these accusations aren’t reflective of the truth. There’s a lot of facts being filled in her to make OP out to be the villain to make other people feel immune from this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope this nanny manages to sue this family for something.

good idea teach the teen to take advantage of other's misfortunes

misfortunes? nahhh thats consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the nanny is let go I hope she lets the parents of all the teen’s friends as well as his private school know what happened. She should also be filing for unemployment. The OP has created unsafe working conditions for her at no fault of her own. Hope this keeps Larlo out of Ivy League and the nanny isn’t harmed financially.

If this isn’t a troll post it makes me wonder how the drug use came to light to the family and the nanny.

Not to get into it but we have all our nannies sign ndas it's pretty standard.

That’s ridiculous. Who cares about you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the nanny is let go I hope she lets the parents of all the teen’s friends as well as his private school know what happened. She should also be filing for unemployment. The OP has created unsafe working conditions for her at no fault of her own. Hope this keeps Larlo out of Ivy League and the nanny isn’t harmed financially.

If this isn’t a troll post it makes me wonder how the drug use came to light to the family and the nanny.

Not to get into it but we have all our nannies sign ndas it's pretty standard.

That’s ridiculous. Who cares about you?

Also, that NDA is virtually unenforceable but how despicable that you try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the nanny is let go I hope she lets the parents of all the teen’s friends as well as his private school know what happened. She should also be filing for unemployment. The OP has created unsafe working conditions for her at no fault of her own. Hope this keeps Larlo out of Ivy League and the nanny isn’t harmed financially.

If this isn’t a troll post it makes me wonder how the drug use came to light to the family and the nanny.

If OP fires her nanny for refusing unsafe work environment, couldn't she sue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's be practical here. Your nanny needs to quit and if your nanny won't drive your child (reasonable), your nanny needs to be let go.

I'd cancel the kid's activities for the summer or drive them yourself I guess.

A kid not even of driving age yet with weed...you have bigger issues than this. Focus OP.

You don't think that 14-15 year olds are getting weed and carts from vape shops? Surveys for even affluent areas show almost 1/4 do. So get out of your bubble maybe we were better at finding it.

75% don't. What are you better at?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the nanny is let go I hope she lets the parents of all the teen’s friends as well as his private school know what happened. She should also be filing for unemployment. The OP has created unsafe working conditions for her at no fault of her own. Hope this keeps Larlo out of Ivy League and the nanny isn’t harmed financially.

If this isn’t a troll post it makes me wonder how the drug use came to light to the family and the nanny.

Not to get into it but we have all our nannies sign ndas it's pretty standard.

Does an NDA stand up with regards to illegal activities/practices? I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

I’d love to see this posted in the Nanny Forum.

OP, you need to give her a great severance package and hope she doesn’t spread the word to the nanny network about how you think she’s paranoid and how little respect you have for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 100% team nanny.

Sounds like your kid isn't old enough to drive (<16?) and you dont seem to GAF that your child had drugs? And you dont GAF that your nanny could have had her car impounded? Because of your POS kid? How dare you call her paranoid. I hope she quits on you with 0 notice. You sound like an awful person to work for.

It's our car and we don't side with our teen the nanny is refusing to drive the teen anymore

As she should. Your teen clearly does not care about the consequences for your nanny, should she get pulled over with an underage kid with weed in his possession. She could get arrested and will never be able to work again. She is not being paranoid; YOU and YOUR SON do not care enough about other people. Your family seems to care more about getting your son to practice than possibly ruining your nanny's future. Are you so out-of-touch that you can't see that your nanny is 100% is the right here? You and your son owe her a big apology.

Okay and then what after the apology? Presumably there has already been an apology. Then what? Is OP supposed to pay the nanny to sit at home with the teen since he won’t be at camp? Or pay the nanny to do nothing? Should OP or her spouse quit their jobs to care for a 14/15 year old? Or should the teen be left home alone?

Also a lot of you are really being holier than thou about OP’s kid smoking weed. I hope you all know what your teens are up to 100% of the time before you cast stones …

Its not just smoking. Its possession. And endangering other people with his choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 100% team nanny.

Sounds like your kid isn't old enough to drive (<16?) and you dont seem to GAF that your child had drugs? And you dont GAF that your nanny could have had her car impounded? Because of your POS kid? How dare you call her paranoid. I hope she quits on you with 0 notice. You sound like an awful person to work for.

It's our car and we don't side with our teen the nanny is refusing to drive the teen anymore

As she should. Your teen clearly does not care about the consequences for your nanny, should she get pulled over with an underage kid with weed in his possession. She could get arrested and will never be able to work again. She is not being paranoid; YOU and YOUR SON do not care enough about other people. Your family seems to care more about getting your son to practice than possibly ruining your nanny's future. Are you so out-of-touch that you can't see that your nanny is 100% is the right here? You and your son owe her a big apology.

Okay and then what after the apology? Presumably there has already been an apology. Then what? Is OP supposed to pay the nanny to sit at home with the teen since he won’t be at camp? Or pay the nanny to do nothing? Should OP or her spouse quit their jobs to care for a 14/15 year old? Or should the teen be left home alone?

Also a lot of you are really being holier than thou about OP’s kid smoking weed. I hope you all know what your teens are up to 100% of the time before you cast stones …

It’s not about smoking weed; it’s about bringing weed into the car unbeknownst to the adult driver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's be practical here. Your nanny needs to quit and if your nanny won't drive your child (reasonable), your nanny needs to be let go.

I'd cancel the kid's activities for the summer or drive them yourself I guess.

A kid not even of driving age yet with weed...you have bigger issues than this. Focus OP.

You don't think that 14-15 year olds are getting weed and carts from vape shops? Surveys for even affluent areas show almost 1/4 do. So get out of your bubble maybe we were better at finding it.

I’m not in a bubble. I have a 14 year old and I make damn sure my kid isn’t in the percentage doing this. Clearly more people than not manage to parent kids this age through not doing this.

how do you know? Do you drug test your kid regularly? We do and the weed thing still happened.

How is it happening if youre drug testing? Either your tests are inaccurate, youre doing them wrong, or you arent doing them frequently enough.

[Anonymous]

So you think this is an issue of her refusing to perform her duties? I see it as you knowingly and willingly asking her to break the law. Which is illegal. I hope she sues your ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you think this is an issue of her refusing to perform her duties? I see it as you knowingly and willingly asking her to break the law. Which is illegal. I hope she sues your ass.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you think this is an issue of her refusing to perform her duties? I see it as you knowingly and willingly asking her to break the law. Which is illegal. I hope she sues your ass.

She’s not asking the nanny to be a drug mule. This hyperbole is ridiculous.

There are solutions like drug testing and searches. The goal is to *not* have drugs transported. It’s understandable if the nanny doesn’t want to stay at this job, but it’s disingenuous to say OP wants the nanny to break the law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP. Instead of dealing with your son, you are calling the nanny “paranoid”?? You are a POS.

I am 100% in agreement and I was a pot-smoking teen. No job is worth getting arrested for and I can't believe that you want the nanny to risk it rather than dealing with your son.