Seeking Advice: Nanny Refuses to Drive Teen After Weed Incident

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 100% team nanny.

Sounds like your kid isn't old enough to drive (<16?) and you dont seem to GAF that your child had drugs? And you dont GAF that your nanny could have had her car impounded? Because of your POS kid? How dare you call her paranoid. I hope she quits on you with 0 notice. You sound like an awful person to work for.

It's our car and we don't side with our teen the nanny is refusing to drive the teen anymore

As she should. Your teen clearly does not care about the consequences for your nanny, should she get pulled over with an underage kid with weed in his possession. She could get arrested and will never be able to work again. She is not being paranoid; YOU and YOUR SON do not care enough about other people. Your family seems to care more about getting your son to practice than possibly ruining your nanny's future. Are you so out-of-touch that you can't see that your nanny is 100% is the right here? You and your son owe her a big apology.

Okay and then what after the apology? Presumably there has already been an apology. Then what? Is OP supposed to pay the nanny to sit at home with the teen since he won’t be at camp? Or pay the nanny to do nothing? Should OP or her spouse quit their jobs to care for a 14/15 year old? Or should the teen be left home alone?

Also a lot of you are really being holier than thou about OP’s kid smoking weed. I hope you all know what your teens are up to 100% of the time before you cast stones …

I posted above that OP and other parent need to adjust their work schedule this summer to get their kid to camp, assuming it’s important to still go to this camp. I also posted that OP should not avoid the natural consequences here, which is people who aren’t your family don’t want to drive you when you break their trust like this. I don’t think that’s holier than thou - it’s just life given where they are right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think this is an issue of her refusing to perform her duties? I see it as you knowingly and willingly asking her to break the law. Which is illegal. I hope she sues your ass.

She’s not asking the nanny to be a drug mule. This hyperbole is ridiculous.

There are solutions like drug testing and searches. The goal is to *not* have drugs transported. It’s understandable if the nanny doesn’t want to stay at this job, but it’s disingenuous to say OP wants the nanny to break the law.

But she is.
-Kid carries drugs
-Nanny finds out
-OP "deals" with kid
-Op expects nanny to continue on, not knowing if he will be carrying drugs again and putting her at risk

OP already knows her kid is a drug risk, how can she guarantee nanny will be safe? How many "strikes" does kid need before OP is knowingly using nanny as drug mule?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 100% team nanny.

Sounds like your kid isn't old enough to drive (<16?) and you dont seem to GAF that your child had drugs? And you dont GAF that your nanny could have had her car impounded? Because of your POS kid? How dare you call her paranoid. I hope she quits on you with 0 notice. You sound like an awful person to work for.

It's our car and we don't side with our teen the nanny is refusing to drive the teen anymore

As she should. Your teen clearly does not care about the consequences for your nanny, should she get pulled over with an underage kid with weed in his possession. She could get arrested and will never be able to work again. She is not being paranoid; YOU and YOUR SON do not care enough about other people. Your family seems to care more about getting your son to practice than possibly ruining your nanny's future. Are you so out-of-touch that you can't see that your nanny is 100% is the right here? You and your son owe her a big apology.

Okay and then what after the apology? Presumably there has already been an apology. Then what? Is OP supposed to pay the nanny to sit at home with the teen since he won’t be at camp? Or pay the nanny to do nothing? Should OP or her spouse quit their jobs to care for a 14/15 year old? Or should the teen be left home alone?

Also a lot of you are really being holier than thou about OP’s kid smoking weed. I hope you all know what your teens are up to 100% of the time before you cast stones …

The Nanny can watch the kid, at home. Sitting at home, and being watched, sounds like exactly what this kid needs right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think this is an issue of her refusing to perform her duties? I see it as you knowingly and willingly asking her to break the law. Which is illegal. I hope she sues your ass.

She’s not asking the nanny to be a drug mule. This hyperbole is ridiculous.

There are solutions like drug testing and searches. The goal is to *not* have drugs transported. It’s understandable if the nanny doesn’t want to stay at this job, but it’s disingenuous to say OP wants the nanny to break the law.

Has OP instituted any of the things your mentioned? Doesn’t sound like it. All I read from op is that she wants the nanny to suck it up and that “the kid has been dealt with.” The nanny is smarter than the op honestly because she knows that kid will have pot on him at some point again. So yes, without having done anything to prevent the teen from having pot on him in nanny’s car, she is asking her to break the law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 100% team nanny.

Sounds like your kid isn't old enough to drive (<16?) and you dont seem to GAF that your child had drugs? And you dont GAF that your nanny could have had her car impounded? Because of your POS kid? How dare you call her paranoid. I hope she quits on you with 0 notice. You sound like an awful person to work for.

It's our car and we don't side with our teen the nanny is refusing to drive the teen anymore

As she should. Your teen clearly does not care about the consequences for your nanny, should she get pulled over with an underage kid with weed in his possession. She could get arrested and will never be able to work again. She is not being paranoid; YOU and YOUR SON do not care enough about other people. Your family seems to care more about getting your son to practice than possibly ruining your nanny's future. Are you so out-of-touch that you can't see that your nanny is 100% is the right here? You and your son owe her a big apology.

Okay and then what after the apology? Presumably there has already been an apology. Then what? Is OP supposed to pay the nanny to sit at home with the teen since he won’t be at camp? Or pay the nanny to do nothing? Should OP or her spouse quit their jobs to care for a 14/15 year old? Or should the teen be left home alone?

Also a lot of you are really being holier than thou about OP’s kid smoking weed. I hope you all know what your teens are up to 100% of the time before you cast stones …

I posted above that OP and other parent need to adjust their work schedule this summer to get their kid to camp, assuming it’s important to still go to this camp. I also posted that OP should not avoid the natural consequences here, which is people who aren’t your family don’t want to drive you when you break their trust like this. I don’t think that’s holier than thou - it’s just life given where they are right now.

Okay so you offered actual an actual solution (which appears to be no longer employing the nanny in favor of the parents managing transportation). Not sure if that is an effective natural consequence for the teen since it’s the parents being inconvenienced, not the kid, but at least it’s an actual recommendation.

But so many other PPs didn’t offer anything except omg your kid is awful, you are awful, I’m “team nanny” (what does this mean as a practical manner?), your son should apologize, etc. It’s all emotional reactions without any substance. There’s no point except for those posters to feel morally superior as they pound their keyboards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 100% team nanny.

Sounds like your kid isn't old enough to drive (<16?) and you dont seem to GAF that your child had drugs? And you dont GAF that your nanny could have had her car impounded? Because of your POS kid? How dare you call her paranoid. I hope she quits on you with 0 notice. You sound like an awful person to work for.

It's our car and we don't side with our teen the nanny is refusing to drive the teen anymore

As she should. Your teen clearly does not care about the consequences for your nanny, should she get pulled over with an underage kid with weed in his possession. She could get arrested and will never be able to work again. She is not being paranoid; YOU and YOUR SON do not care enough about other people. Your family seems to care more about getting your son to practice than possibly ruining your nanny's future. Are you so out-of-touch that you can't see that your nanny is 100% is the right here? You and your son owe her a big apology.

Okay and then what after the apology? Presumably there has already been an apology. Then what? Is OP supposed to pay the nanny to sit at home with the teen since he won’t be at camp? Or pay the nanny to do nothing? Should OP or her spouse quit their jobs to care for a 14/15 year old? Or should the teen be left home alone?

Also a lot of you are really being holier than thou about OP’s kid smoking weed. I hope you all know what your teens are up to 100% of the time before you cast stones …

The Nanny can watch the kid, at home. Sitting at home, and being watched, sounds like exactly what this kid needs right now.

Great. OP can offer that to the nanny. But I wonder if a nanny who is used to driving and cooking is going to want to sit in a house tethered to a teen?

[Anonymous]

Your nanny is 100% in the right here. Not getting rides to his activities sounds like a very good way to punish your child for possessing marijuana.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the replies, but it seems like you are not getting much helpful advice, OP.

Personally, I would offer to reimburse nanny for consulting with a lawyer on what her responsibility would be if the child had weed in their possession while she was driving.

This will either reassure the nanny or she will dig in her heels, and either way you have your answer.

And the lawyer will tell her that when you’re the driver of a car with passengers, and one is found in possession of drugs, you can be charged with constructive drug possession because you have control and dominion over the vehicle (and the minor child in this case). More problematic, when the drug holder tosses the drugs on the floor "not mine!" -- that can be straight up possession for everyone in the car. Whether or not local law enforcement will bother with this charge is another matter, and whether or not a case can be proven after the long process of a arrest, arraignment, plea bargaining, and trial is also another matter (it isn't easy to prove), but you are playing roulette with the driver's freedom and record and ability to get another job. Given that the minor child will likely face zero consequences, they are more likely to go after the adult in the car.

OP, this applies to you driving your kid around too. Can your career take this hit?

BTW folks, if your kids drive their friends around, they should know this too -- also can apply to open containers of alcohol and guns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you think this is an issue of her refusing to perform her duties? I see it as you knowingly and willingly asking her to break the law. Which is illegal. I hope she sues your ass.

She’s not asking the nanny to be a drug mule. This hyperbole is ridiculous.

There are solutions like drug testing and searches. The goal is to *not* have drugs transported. It’s understandable if the nanny doesn’t want to stay at this job, but it’s disingenuous to say OP wants the nanny to break the law.

But she is.
-Kid carries drugs
-Nanny finds out
-OP "deals" with kid
-Op expects nanny to continue on, not knowing if he will be carrying drugs again and putting her at risk

OP already knows her kid is a drug risk, how can she guarantee nanny will be safe? How many "strikes" does kid need before OP is knowingly using nanny as drug mule?

She asked advice on how to reassure the nanny. That advice can include things like drug testing, drug searches, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 100% team nanny.

Sounds like your kid isn't old enough to drive (<16?) and you dont seem to GAF that your child had drugs? And you dont GAF that your nanny could have had her car impounded? Because of your POS kid? How dare you call her paranoid. I hope she quits on you with 0 notice. You sound like an awful person to work for.

It's our car and we don't side with our teen the nanny is refusing to drive the teen anymore

As she should. Your teen clearly does not care about the consequences for your nanny, should she get pulled over with an underage kid with weed in his possession. She could get arrested and will never be able to work again. She is not being paranoid; YOU and YOUR SON do not care enough about other people. Your family seems to care more about getting your son to practice than possibly ruining your nanny's future. Are you so out-of-touch that you can't see that your nanny is 100% is the right here? You and your son owe her a big apology.

Okay and then what after the apology? Presumably there has already been an apology. Then what? Is OP supposed to pay the nanny to sit at home with the teen since he won’t be at camp? Or pay the nanny to do nothing? Should OP or her spouse quit their jobs to care for a 14/15 year old? Or should the teen be left home alone?

Also a lot of you are really being holier than thou about OP’s kid smoking weed. I hope you all know what your teens are up to 100% of the time before you cast stones …

The Nanny can watch the kid, at home. Sitting at home, and being watched, sounds like exactly what this kid needs right now.

Great. OP can offer that to the nanny. But I wonder if a nanny who is used to driving and cooking is going to want to sit in a house tethered to a teen?

Since nanny is the one who doesn’t want to drive, that seems like it would be fine with her. Since the nanny also makes meals, DS can learn to cook instead this summer.

[Anonymous]

If your kid is capable of buying weed, then he is capable of getting himself to and from school and after school activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the replies, but it seems like you are not getting much helpful advice, OP.

Personally, I would offer to reimburse nanny for consulting with a lawyer on what her responsibility would be if the child had weed in their possession while she was driving.

This will either reassure the nanny or she will dig in her heels, and either way you have your answer.

And the lawyer will tell her that when you’re the driver of a car with passengers, and one is found in possession of drugs, you can be charged with constructive drug possession because you have control and dominion over the vehicle (and the minor child in this case). More problematic, when the drug holder tosses the drugs on the floor "not mine!" -- that can be straight up possession for everyone in the car. Whether or not local law enforcement will bother with this charge is another matter, and whether or not a case can be proven after the long process of a arrest, arraignment, plea bargaining, and trial is also another matter (it isn't easy to prove), but you are playing roulette with the driver's freedom and record and ability to get another job. Given that the minor child will likely face zero consequences, they are more likely to go after the adult in the car.

OP, this applies to you driving your kid around too. Can your career take this hit?

BTW folks, if your kids drive their friends around, they should know this too -- also can apply to open containers of alcohol and guns.

OP hasn’t said which jurisdiction she is in, we don’t even know if weed possession is illegal there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 100% team nanny.

Sounds like your kid isn't old enough to drive (<16?) and you dont seem to GAF that your child had drugs? And you dont GAF that your nanny could have had her car impounded? Because of your POS kid? How dare you call her paranoid. I hope she quits on you with 0 notice. You sound like an awful person to work for.

It's our car and we don't side with our teen the nanny is refusing to drive the teen anymore

As she should. Your teen clearly does not care about the consequences for your nanny, should she get pulled over with an underage kid with weed in his possession. She could get arrested and will never be able to work again. She is not being paranoid; YOU and YOUR SON do not care enough about other people. Your family seems to care more about getting your son to practice than possibly ruining your nanny's future. Are you so out-of-touch that you can't see that your nanny is 100% is the right here? You and your son owe her a big apology.

Okay and then what after the apology? Presumably there has already been an apology. Then what? Is OP supposed to pay the nanny to sit at home with the teen since he won’t be at camp? Or pay the nanny to do nothing? Should OP or her spouse quit their jobs to care for a 14/15 year old? Or should the teen be left home alone?

Also a lot of you are really being holier than thou about OP’s kid smoking weed. I hope you all know what your teens are up to 100% of the time before you cast stones …

I posted above that OP and other parent need to adjust their work schedule this summer to get their kid to camp, assuming it’s important to still go to this camp. I also posted that OP should not avoid the natural consequences here, which is people who aren’t your family don’t want to drive you when you break their trust like this. I don’t think that’s holier than thou - it’s just life given where they are right now.

Okay so you offered actual an actual solution (which appears to be no longer employing the nanny in favor of the parents managing transportation). Not sure if that is an effective natural consequence for the teen since it’s the parents being inconvenienced, not the kid, but at least it’s an actual recommendation.

But so many other PPs didn’t offer anything except omg your kid is awful, you are awful, I’m “team nanny” (what does this mean as a practical manner?), your son should apologize, etc. It’s all emotional reactions without any substance. There’s no point except for those posters to feel morally superior as they pound their keyboards.

Kid has to deal with his parents who will likely be more upset at him now that his behavior actually inconveniences them. I suspect it will actually both more unpleasant initially and then very good for DS to have a little alone time each day with a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the replies, but it seems like you are not getting much helpful advice, OP.

Personally, I would offer to reimburse nanny for consulting with a lawyer on what her responsibility would be if the child had weed in their possession while she was driving.

This will either reassure the nanny or she will dig in her heels, and either way you have your answer.

And the lawyer will tell her that when you’re the driver of a car with passengers, and one is found in possession of drugs, you can be charged with constructive drug possession because you have control and dominion over the vehicle (and the minor child in this case). More problematic, when the drug holder tosses the drugs on the floor "not mine!" -- that can be straight up possession for everyone in the car. Whether or not local law enforcement will bother with this charge is another matter, and whether or not a case can be proven after the long process of a arrest, arraignment, plea bargaining, and trial is also another matter (it isn't easy to prove), but you are playing roulette with the driver's freedom and record and ability to get another job. Given that the minor child will likely face zero consequences, they are more likely to go after the adult in the car.

OP, this applies to you driving your kid around too. Can your career take this hit?

BTW folks, if your kids drive their friends around, they should know this too -- also can apply to open containers of alcohol and guns.

OP hasn’t said which jurisdiction she is in, we don’t even know if weed possession is illegal there.

It's still likely child endangerment having it in the car with OP's little innocent angel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all the replies, but it seems like you are not getting much helpful advice, OP.

Personally, I would offer to reimburse nanny for consulting with a lawyer on what her responsibility would be if the child had weed in their possession while she was driving.

This will either reassure the nanny or she will dig in her heels, and either way you have your answer.

And the lawyer will tell her that when you’re the driver of a car with passengers, and one is found in possession of drugs, you can be charged with constructive drug possession because you have control and dominion over the vehicle (and the minor child in this case). More problematic, when the drug holder tosses the drugs on the floor "not mine!" -- that can be straight up possession for everyone in the car. Whether or not local law enforcement will bother with this charge is another matter, and whether or not a case can be proven after the long process of a arrest, arraignment, plea bargaining, and trial is also another matter (it isn't easy to prove), but you are playing roulette with the driver's freedom and record and ability to get another job. Given that the minor child will likely face zero consequences, they are more likely to go after the adult in the car.

OP, this applies to you driving your kid around too. Can your career take this hit?

BTW folks, if your kids drive their friends around, they should know this too -- also can apply to open containers of alcohol and guns.

OP hasn’t said which jurisdiction she is in, we don’t even know if weed possession is illegal there.

It is still a federal offense. Criminal Penalties for Simple Possession, 21 U.S.C.A. § 844

Also, is it legal anywhere for a minor?