Seeking Advice: Nanny Refuses to Drive Teen After Weed Incident

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She knows if they get pulled over and the drugs are founds your son will throw her right under the bus. It’s sad but she probably wants to quit but can’t afford it.

This is what I was thinking. This little POS will never face consequences for his actions. I'd be so livid if I was this nanny getting treated like OP is treating her.

How do you know whether the teen will face consequences, that is a separate issue and has been handled. This is about the nanny, so much assumption without the facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 100% team nanny.

Sounds like your kid isn't old enough to drive (<16?) and you dont seem to GAF that your child had drugs? And you dont GAF that your nanny could have had her car impounded? Because of your POS kid? How dare you call her paranoid. I hope she quits on you with 0 notice. You sound like an awful person to work for.

It's our car and we don't side with our teen the nanny is refusing to drive the teen anymore

What do you mean you don’t side with your teen? This whole post is about how to keep your teen’s schedule (driving) on track. Not a mention that maybe it shouldn’t on track anymore.

We already setup and paid for camps, and other summer activities that need to be driven to while we work. Not doing them aren't punishments, punishments are already handled.

Wow. I see where your priorities are. You aren’t taking this seriously at all.

Some of you on this board are really crazy. Is OP supposed to quit her job and not have childcare for the summer because her kid possessed weed? Also it is likely better for her son to be active at a camp with supervision than home unattended while she works.

Needing transportation/childcare is a separate issue than punishment for weed use (which OP indicates has been addressed).

Also, I think while of course this is reasonably a huge deal to the nanny and her feelings are justified, that in order to actually be convicted of a crime, the prosecutors would have to show knowledge of the drugs and some sort of implied possession/control. Not to mention in many jurisdictions weed use is decriminalized. So from a purely legal standpoint, I don’t think this is catastrophe some posters are making it out to be. Although I totally get why the nanny would want to avoid any potential hassles of this altogether.

Ultimately this comes down to a matter of the family needing to regain the nanny’s trust. Which I think means validating her feelings and making sure the son understands the seriousness of dragging an innocent person into this. Maybe there could even be some sort of addition to the contract about OP’s family being financially liable for any legal fees, missed work, etc. caused by any teenage misconduct. Also, she should have free rein to search and/or question him for the foreseeable future and he should be making his amends to her.

Ultimately though if she was hired to drive OP’s kids around and she doesn’t feel comfortable doing the job duties, then this employment isn’t going to work out. If it seems non salvageable trust-wise then I’d offer a severance and voluntary termination of employment with promise of good references if that is what the nanny prefers (versus resuming her job duties).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the nanny is let go I hope she lets the parents of all the teen’s friends as well as his private school know what happened. She should also be filing for unemployment. The OP has created unsafe working conditions for her at no fault of her own. Hope this keeps Larlo out of Ivy League and the nanny isn’t harmed financially.

If this isn’t a troll post it makes me wonder how the drug use came to light to the family and the nanny.

Not to get into it but we have all our nannies sign ndas it's pretty standard.

[Anonymous]

I think the PP suggestion of letting the nanny search his belongings is a good one. His sports uniform probably doesn’t have pockets. Perhaps he now needs to carry all his equipment separately in his hands versus bringing a practice bag.

Given the prevalence of weed everywhere now, I am sure that there are a lot of Nannies and parents kn rhis situation that don’t even know it. I’m pretty anti drug (and I think my kids are too)—but they are constantly telling me that lots of the kids at their “good” schools are using weed.

Fqiw, I voted against legalization bexuase I thought the increase in teen usage was predictable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She knows if they get pulled over and the drugs are founds your son will throw her right under the bus. It’s sad but she probably wants to quit but can’t afford it.

This is what I was thinking. This little POS will never face consequences for his actions. I'd be so livid if I was this nanny getting treated like OP is treating her.

How do you know whether the teen will face consequences, that is a separate issue and has been handled. This is about the nanny, so much assumption without the facts.

What, did you take his phone away for a day or something?

[Anonymous]

You could also offer the nanny drug testing on your kid — they sell them in drug stores now. I would be okay with going full Nancy Regan on my teen in these circumstances — testing and searches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 100% team nanny.

Sounds like your kid isn't old enough to drive (<16?) and you dont seem to GAF that your child had drugs? And you dont GAF that your nanny could have had her car impounded? Because of your POS kid? How dare you call her paranoid. I hope she quits on you with 0 notice. You sound like an awful person to work for.

It's our car and we don't side with our teen the nanny is refusing to drive the teen anymore

What do you mean you don’t side with your teen? This whole post is about how to keep your teen’s schedule (driving) on track. Not a mention that maybe it shouldn’t on track anymore.

We already setup and paid for camps, and other summer activities that need to be driven to while we work. Not doing them aren't punishments, punishments are already handled.

Wow. I see where your priorities are. You aren’t taking this seriously at all.

Some of you on this board are really crazy. Is OP supposed to quit her job and not have childcare for the summer because her kid possessed weed? Also it is likely better for her son to be active at a camp with supervision than home unattended while she works.

Needing transportation/childcare is a separate issue than punishment for weed use (which OP indicates has been addressed).

Also, I think while of course this is reasonably a huge deal to the nanny and her feelings are justified, that in order to actually be convicted of a crime, the prosecutors would have to show knowledge of the drugs and some sort of implied possession/control. Not to mention in many jurisdictions weed use is decriminalized. So from a purely legal standpoint, I don’t think this is catastrophe some posters are making it out to be. Although I totally get why the nanny would want to avoid any potential hassles of this altogether.

Ultimately this comes down to a matter of the family needing to regain the nanny’s trust. Which I think means validating her feelings and making sure the son understands the seriousness of dragging an innocent person into this. Maybe there could even be some sort of addition to the contract about OP’s family being financially liable for any legal fees, missed work, etc. caused by any teenage misconduct. Also, she should have free rein to search and/or question him for the foreseeable future and he should be making his amends to her.

Ultimately though if she was hired to drive OP’s kids around and she doesn’t feel comfortable doing the job duties, then this employment isn’t going to work out. If it seems non salvageable trust-wise then I’d offer a severance and voluntary termination of employment with promise of good references if that is what the nanny prefers (versus resuming her job duties).

A kid under 16 who is not driving and has weed would be sent away to summer camp where he or she could be supervised so they wouldn't have time to buy weed. If they can afford a nanny they could afford a sleep away camp.

A kid that age who has week is most likely a difficult kid and the nanny probably doesn't want to have to spend any time with him or her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, 100% team nanny.

Sounds like your kid isn't old enough to drive (<16?) and you dont seem to GAF that your child had drugs? And you dont GAF that your nanny could have had her car impounded? Because of your POS kid? How dare you call her paranoid. I hope she quits on you with 0 notice. You sound like an awful person to work for.

It's our car and we don't side with our teen the nanny is refusing to drive the teen anymore

As she should. Your teen clearly does not care about the consequences for your nanny, should she get pulled over with an underage kid with weed in his possession. She could get arrested and will never be able to work again. She is not being paranoid; YOU and YOUR SON do not care enough about other people. Your family seems to care more about getting your son to practice than possibly ruining your nanny's future. Are you so out-of-touch that you can't see that your nanny is 100% is the right here? You and your son owe her a big apology.

Okay and then what after the apology? Presumably there has already been an apology. Then what? Is OP supposed to pay the nanny to sit at home with the teen since he won’t be at camp? Or pay the nanny to do nothing? Should OP or her spouse quit their jobs to care for a 14/15 year old? Or should the teen be left home alone?

Also a lot of you are really being holier than thou about OP’s kid smoking weed. I hope you all know what your teens are up to 100% of the time before you cast stones …

[Anonymous]

The nanny could absolutely be prosecuted. If she isn’t a citizen, she could get deported. She isn’t paranoid - it really happens.

If I were her, I wouldnt drive the kid either. No job is worth the risk.

OP, you need a new plan for summer that doesn’t include a nanny at all. Mass transit or Uber if you can’t drive the kid and he needs to go places (this isn’t a kid I would want hanging out at home - camp is better.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's be practical here. Your nanny needs to quit and if your nanny won't drive your child (reasonable), your nanny needs to be let go.

I'd cancel the kid's activities for the summer or drive them yourself I guess.

A kid not even of driving age yet with weed...you have bigger issues than this. Focus OP.

You don't think that 14-15 year olds are getting weed and carts from vape shops? Surveys for even affluent areas show almost 1/4 do. So get out of your bubble maybe we were better at finding it.

I’m not in a bubble. I have a 14 year old and I make damn sure my kid isn’t in the percentage doing this. Clearly more people than not manage to parent kids this age through not doing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The nanny could absolutely be prosecuted. If she isn’t a citizen, she could get deported. She isn’t paranoid - it really happens.

If I were her, I wouldnt drive the kid either. No job is worth the risk.

OP, you need a new plan for summer that doesn’t include a nanny at all. Mass transit or Uber if you can’t drive the kid and he needs to go places (this isn’t a kid I would want hanging out at home - camp is better.)

if the nanny is too worried about it why wouldn't the uber driver be the same? This doesn't make sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's be practical here. Your nanny needs to quit and if your nanny won't drive your child (reasonable), your nanny needs to be let go.

I'd cancel the kid's activities for the summer or drive them yourself I guess.

A kid not even of driving age yet with weed...you have bigger issues than this. Focus OP.

You don't think that 14-15 year olds are getting weed and carts from vape shops? Surveys for even affluent areas show almost 1/4 do. So get out of your bubble maybe we were better at finding it.

I’m not in a bubble. I have a 14 year old and I make damn sure my kid isn’t in the percentage doing this. Clearly more people than not manage to parent kids this age through not doing this.

how do you know? Do you drug test your kid regularly? We do and the weed thing still happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny is absolutely in the right here. Why are you posting about the nanny when you should be asking advice on how to deal with a teen that’s using weed?

Cause the nanny already knows the teen was punished but doesn't want to drive the teen

Judging by what OP wrote and how she called her paranoid, I think nanny deems the consequence and the parenting questionable and probably for a good reason. I just don’t think OP dealt with her son in a proper way and the nanny sees that. Team Nanny!!!

[Anonymous]

I hope this nanny manages to sue this family for something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope this nanny manages to sue this family for something.

good idea teach the teen to take advantage of other's misfortunes