If you did not do many chores growing up, do you wish your parents had made you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

I did lots of chores growing up and yet it didn’t make me feel like “I mattered.”

I don’t see why chores would make a kid feel this way? Affection, love, laughter, talking, adventure - those are things that matter.

We know that self confidence comes from mastery - not from being told how amazing you are. Learning skills and increasing independence and responsibility does a world of good for self confidence. Contributing rather than being on the sidelines when it comes to activity for mental health and well-being. If you want to raise kids who have healthy mental health, they need to learn skills, and independence and responsibility and to learn coping skills and resilience. They don't get them from having everything done for them and having nothing but praise and a focus on positive feelings and externalizing responsibility.

You’re extrapolating and making many incorrect assumptions. Chores don’t make kids confident, promise. You’ve been sold on something that isn’t true.

Chores aren't the be all and end all but they are an important way to build responsibility and independence and mastery and to be a contributing member of a family. Sure adults can learn to cook and clean, they can also learn to read and drive and write. It doesn't mean it is ideal to leave learning until later in adulthood.

I used to work at a college and some kids came with few life skills and expected that there would be a 'someone' to meet all their needs and wants. While a few figured it out on the go when they were told they had to do it, many didn't and struggled with homesickness, depression, anxiety and some left school in the first semester. Not being able to make a bed or do your laundry or clean a dish or cook a basic meal or take a bus or manage any money or clean up after themselves or boil water isn't something that a young adult should be proud of. Being a contributing member of a family goes a long way to being able to be a contributing member of a dorm on campus. The kids who think others should do everything for them and that cleaning / cooking is beneath them don't make friends easily outside of others who have had maids / nannies / parents who have done everything for them.

This is a ridiculous comparison.

Also, how long does it take to learn how to boil water?!?

I think you defining cooking as boiling water pretty much proves the point. You still don't know how to cook and haven't been able to learn it as an adult. There is a lot more to cooking than boiling water....and it would have been helpful if your parents had taught you some basic cooking skills as it seems you still lack them.

[Anonymous]

Holy shit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never had "chores" but my parents were pretty neglectful. I was a bit like Matilda - learned to cook and do my own laundry by 3rd grade. If I wanted or needed something I had to make that happen. Eventually found my way through college and grad school fully funded. Then found a great husband, got a high paying job, and had 2 kids. My kids don't do chores, but I ensure they are responsible for their own laundry, hygiene (including room cleaning) and the older ones do all their own shopping. I'm not neglectful and I discuss with them why I parent the way I do.

In the end the neglect served me well. I know I can learn anything on my own and I don't believe people when they say something is difficult. I rarely find a problem I can't solve.

Very similar situation and I adore Matilda. I make my teen sons do their own laundry, cook meals, take out trash, shop for gifts, write thank you notes, use the phone for appointments. The hidden emotional burden that women bear and I wanted to make them aware of it and able to shoulder it. We have housecleaners, so they only need to tidy, not deep clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

I did lots of chores growing up and yet it didn’t make me feel like “I mattered.”

I don’t see why chores would make a kid feel this way? Affection, love, laughter, talking, adventure - those are things that matter.

We know that self confidence comes from mastery - not from being told how amazing you are. Learning skills and increasing independence and responsibility does a world of good for self confidence. Contributing rather than being on the sidelines when it comes to activity for mental health and well-being. If you want to raise kids who have healthy mental health, they need to learn skills, and independence and responsibility and to learn coping skills and resilience. They don't get them from having everything done for them and having nothing but praise and a focus on positive feelings and externalizing responsibility.

You’re extrapolating and making many incorrect assumptions. Chores don’t make kids confident, promise. You’ve been sold on something that isn’t true.

DP. Not chores per se, but independence and responsibility is good for self confidence. Having mommy come pick up your dirty underwear and vacuum up your crumbs is not a sign of good mental health.

More assumptions. Chores refers to household chores - taking out trash, walking dog, unloading dishwasher. I don’t have these chores for my kids. But they’re in charge of their own rooms. One kid keeps a tidy bedroom, my other keeps it messier.

Both have good mental health, I wish people would stop connecting chores to mental health.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a household where we had help to do the chores. This allowed me to focus on schoolwork and extracurricular activities without burden. I made sure my kids enjoy the same opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a household where we had help to do the chores. This allowed me to focus on schoolwork and extracurricular activities without burden. I made sure my kids enjoy the same opportunities.

Ooh lord

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

I did lots of chores growing up and yet it didn’t make me feel like “I mattered.”

I don’t see why chores would make a kid feel this way? Affection, love, laughter, talking, adventure - those are things that matter.

We know that self confidence comes from mastery - not from being told how amazing you are. Learning skills and increasing independence and responsibility does a world of good for self confidence. Contributing rather than being on the sidelines when it comes to activity for mental health and well-being. If you want to raise kids who have healthy mental health, they need to learn skills, and independence and responsibility and to learn coping skills and resilience. They don't get them from having everything done for them and having nothing but praise and a focus on positive feelings and externalizing responsibility.

You’re extrapolating and making many incorrect assumptions. Chores don’t make kids confident, promise. You’ve been sold on something that isn’t true.

Chores aren't the be all and end all but they are an important way to build responsibility and independence and mastery and to be a contributing member of a family. Sure adults can learn to cook and clean, they can also learn to read and drive and write. It doesn't mean it is ideal to leave learning until later in adulthood.

I used to work at a college and some kids came with few life skills and expected that there would be a 'someone' to meet all their needs and wants. While a few figured it out on the go when they were told they had to do it, many didn't and struggled with homesickness, depression, anxiety and some left school in the first semester. Not being able to make a bed or do your laundry or clean a dish or cook a basic meal or take a bus or manage any money or clean up after themselves or boil water isn't something that a young adult should be proud of. Being a contributing member of a family goes a long way to being able to be a contributing member of a dorm on campus. The kids who think others should do everything for them and that cleaning / cooking is beneath them don't make friends easily outside of others who have had maids / nannies / parents who have done everything for them.

This is a ridiculous comparison.

Also, how long does it take to learn how to boil water?!?

I think you defining cooking as boiling water pretty much proves the point. You still don't know how to cook and haven't been able to learn it as an adult. There is a lot more to cooking than boiling water....and it would have been helpful if your parents had taught you some basic cooking skills as it seems you still lack them.

*I* didn't bring up boiling water - the PP did.

I actually do know how to cook and learned so from my parents as well as on my own later in life. You are ridiculous. Next time try reading before you respond. Or just don't respond.

[Anonymous]

I don't think chores are useful, but parents would do well to get kids generally involved/informed about how a household works. Sometimes I insist DS helps me cook, but it's not framed as a chore. Once in a while, I'll take him along on a supermarket shopping trip. Kids should be aware of what happens to keep a household functioning. But it doesn't need to turn into an enforcement of chores.

[Anonymous]

I had a roommate in grad school who was raised by his mother and grandmother who did everything for him. It was awful, and I hated how little respect he had for quickly cleaning up after himself, especially in shared spaces.

I think parents who don't mandate that their kids pick up after themselves (and in a timely manner) are not just doing their kids a disservice, but anyone who many have to live/work/regularly interact with them.