If you did not do many chores growing up, do you wish your parents had made you?

[Anonymous]

Growing up we had a full-time housekeeper, so although I would pick up after myself around the house, I didn't do laundry, wash dishes, and I definitely never vacuumed or cleaned a bathroom. We kept the house "neat" (i.e. I didn't leave clothes on my bed/floor or dishes on the table) but none of us cleaned because that's what the housekeeper did.

When I got to college, I had no problem making my bed every day, doing my own laundry, and dusting my room (I don't remember vacuuming in college but I'm not sure how the floor stayed clean so I must have?). As an adult, I have always kept a very, very neat and clean house. I've had cleaners (not full-time, once a week) since I could afford it, but I had no problem figuring out how to clean a toilet when I moved into my first apartment out of college.

Now that I have kids, we have cleaners, and I do their laundry because they're not old enough to stain treat and do it properly, but my kids are expected to clean up their stuff around the house and keep their bedrooms neat. We all kind of help with the dishes on a regular basis (my kids don't wash them but they are expected to load the dishwasher and will help unload the things they can). I'm sure when they can do it sufficiently well I would ask them to run the vacuum if needed, although we have a Roomba that goes during the week and then the cleaners vacuum so mostly our house is pretty clean.

To answer your question, I do not wish my parents had made me do chores. They both worked so it's not like I saw my mom scrubbing floors while my dad was watching TV or anything. We all did things around the house but none of us cleaned. I was in charge of the dog (food, water, and walks although we had a big back yard so she could be let out that way) so I guess that was a chore. But I never cleaned or did my own laundry and I don't think it impacted my ability to do those things later in life at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never had chores except to straighten up here and there sometimes. My mom was a Sahm and she did it all somehow. No, I don't think it would have made me better, as soon as I moved out of the house I noticed quite quickly that if I didn't clean up after myself the dishes would just stay there or the laundry wouldn't wash and dry themselves. It's really not that hard a lesson to learn as an adult.

And no I don't regret not having more chores, no matter what the research says BUT I did carry a superiority complex over housekeepers and maids which I know now as a mom was silly. But as a 20 or 30 something fabulous person, I thought they were lower than me so to speak but I don't think that way anymore after becoming a mom and having to cook, clean and do laundry 24/7.

To me, that's a parenting fail. We had a full-time housekeeper and she was like a member of our family until she died a few years ago. My parents would never have tolerated me thinking or treating her like she was below me, nor did I ever feel that way. I knew how important she was to the running of our house and I never thought I was better than her.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I definitely wish my parents had taught me more about cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. I had to learn it all myself and it was honestly kind of a steep learning curve. When I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband) he was seriously unimpressed by my domestic skills. He grew up with a single mother and was an extremely clean and tidy person and a great cook. He has now trained me well, and I can do all these things, too, but I don't know why my parents didn't expect more of me in this regard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the definition of a chore? My kids have to clear their places after eating, hang up towels after bathing, etc. I don't have them take out the garbage, they have helped me and once or twice proactively put it out on trash day. Those of you that never had chores, how did you learn what/how to do things around the house?

Laundry I figured out when I went to college. I had a little book that talked about stain treatments for various things but otherwise all clothes have labels that tell you what to do...
Cleaning a toilet is basically wiping it until it's clean. Wipe all the spots and you're good to go. It takes five seconds to figure that out.
Dishwashers do all the work for you, and if you have to hand wash something, you do the same thing as the toilet - wipe/scrub it all until it's clean. Drying is...obvious?
Picking up after yourself is something I think most people have to do even if they don't do chores, but to the extent you had someone following you around to do it as a kid, at some point as an adult you would figure out that if you never picked your socks up then you would just have socks everywhere. Actions = consequences.
Having cleaners growing up meant our house was pretty much always spotless, so as an adult you learn what to do by seeing what is dirty.

[Anonymous]

It's not about the chores themselves, it's about the attitude that everyone lives here and makes messes, therefore everyone helps out and cleans up. I can tell you which college housemates did not do chores because they were the ones who did not pitch in and let everyone else do the mutual chores like taking out trash, vacuuming etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll be an outlier here and say that yes, I do wish I'd graduated a college as a more competent adult. I did learn quite a lot after school, but I'm still very shaky on things like how to properly mop. And I never knew things like not to cut vegetables on the same cutting board as raw chicken. That seems obvious, but I was sort of an academic space cadet... the type of person that didn't have a ton of common sense.

You Tube

[Anonymous]

I had to wake up at 6 to hand mop through floor of entire house and furnitures and prepare part of breakfast, then right after school sweep entire house, clean dishes, collect and fold clothes from laundry, and prepare part of supper, everyday since I was 7. I sure would get beaten if I forgot or didn’t do the chores well. I think it helped me to organize everything in a very short time or impossible time limit, although it’s a terrible life experience for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d helped my mom with cooking and dishes, vacuuming, etc. I did clean/tidy on my own, mostly because I enjoyed it. But our house was neither spotless nor truly organized. Now that I’ve had my own home for 20 years, I’m pretty good at keeping it tidy but not spotless. I think a lot of pressure to do X, y times a week or moth is just bs pressure women put on ourselves. I’ve told my girls to hire cleaners if they have jobs where it’s just too much to handle. We don’t currently have cleaners.

I sincerely hope you've told your boys the same thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish DH had chores growing up, because his mother did everything, even his laundry when he was in college . He still won’t do laundry or clean. I make my sons do chores so that their future wives don’t hate me.

This is a good point. I posted earlier but I'm a mom with only girls so I didn't think about this from a male perspective. My husband had some chores but not a lot growing up but he does things equally around the house and actually is the one who cleaned during COVID when our cleaners didn't come for a few months. After college he had to clean his own apartment and it wasn't until we met and I had a cleaner that he learned the beauty of that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn't have much. Our rooms had to be clean by Sunday night to get our allowance for the week, but that was about it. Our "job" was academics, sports, ECs, and we did them well.

Both of us went to college and learned to do laundry the first week in the dorms. Cooking was learned in our first apartment. It's not rocket science.

I think kids need responsibilities, but it doesn't need to be in the form of chores. Homework, volunteering, work, practicing piano, getting themselves to sports practice on time...all teach following through on a committment.

I agree with this. To the PP who mentioned "discipline," I had to learn/exercise discipline in order to do well at school and at my time-intensive sport in addition to the other things I did like church and volunteering. I had to plan my time and deal with unexpected issues and put forth the effort required to do well at everything. I didn't need to be mopping floors to learn how to work hard.

[Anonymous]

I wish my mom had handed off more stuff to us. I think it was overwhelming for her with three kids and she sometimes felt taken for granted and taken advantage of. For her sake, I wish I had been more help, for sure.

I have one son, and I refuse to let him be man baby, so he has "chores." Garbage, empty and load the dishwasher, clean his own bathroom and room.

Before we got a lawn service, he would occasionally do the lawn.

I think of chores less as character building, and more of reminding him that he is part of a family and a household and we all contribute to these things--as well as our jobs.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t have a lot of chores per se, but I did a lot of things my single mom dropped the ball on, and I learned to be independent and resourceful. I wish I’d persisted a bit more with my kids on cleaning and laundry, but we’re a family that entertains a lot, and they did learn to pitch in before and after meals. And both are pretty good cooks. On the flip side, I’ll never forget visiting my daughter’s freshman dorm room between semesters and realizing that neither she nor her roommate understood the importance of cleaning the toilet in their shared bathroom. OMG the stench. Parenting fail there, but she knows now.

[Anonymous]

I was expected to generally clean up after myself...so take dishes to the sink, clean up messes I made and put my stuff away at the end of the day, keep my room somewhat organized. But that was it. No, I don't wish I had more chores in the slightest. And I'm doing it the same with my kids. I do love to cook and so do my kids, in particular my oldest, so we do that together often.

I easily figured it all out in college. Not difficult! And as soon as I could afford a cleaning lady -- well before I got married or had kids -- I hired one. All my homes have been clean and organized. The home I grew up in was, so I became accustomed to that.

My kids are responsible for things like packing their own backpacks and sports bags.

[Anonymous]

I make my kids do chores not so that they turn out a better person, but because I need help. I need them to be able to pick up after themselves. Are my 3 kids going to just watch me cook, set the table and clean it all up? No, they all pitch in and then we can all be doing other fun stuff together afterwards.

[Anonymous]

No. I wish my mother had taught me how to cook and bake more than she did, but I don’t wish she had assigned me to cook dinners or anything like that. I think it’s a perfectly fine option for a parent to do that, but I don’t have life regrets that my parents did not, just that I wish I had learned to cook more.