If you did not do many chores growing up, do you wish your parents had made you?

[Anonymous]

Gobsmacked that some PPs think "packing their own backpack" or "hanging up their towel after a shower" are chores. Does anyone NOT hang up their towel after using it? If not, who does hang the towel? The bar is on the floor.

[Anonymous]

The men I’ve dated that were raised to do more domestic chores always impressed me and were better partners - self-sufficient, helpful, and more egalitarian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The men I’ve dated that were raised to do more domestic chores always impressed me and were better partners - self-sufficient, helpful, and more egalitarian.

Sample size or 1

[Anonymous]

I had endless chores and even made-up chores to fill whatever free time I might want or encounter. My DH had zero chores.

I think that having children do enough chores that they become competent at using things, cleaning things, and organizing things is important. But I think that chores for the sake of lightening an adult's load or punishing a child or filling up free time is really dangerous. It taught me that as an adult, I don't deserve free time and that my work should never be done. That's not healthy and it's taken me a long time to accept that I can sit and read a book or play with my child even if I haven't wiped out the spice cupboard or cleaned fingerprints off every doorjamb. Meanwhile, DH doesn't have the basic skills to do chores without intervention or frustration.

The goal of chores should be that they're part of raising a capable adult who can take care of their surroundings.

[Anonymous]

I did no chores because in my country having maids is normal for middle class families. So adulthood in the US came as a big unpleasant shock. I took years, for some reason, to come up with a routine that worked well for me.

I am adamant on my child doing chores on the weekend (not counting everyday responsibilities for keeping their things wherw they belong). I pay him, there is no allowance. This just one way to teach him about time and money management.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did no chores because in my country having maids is normal for middle class families. So adulthood in the US came as a big unpleasant shock. I took years, for some reason, to come up with a routine that worked well for me.

I am adamant on my child doing chores on the weekend (not counting everyday responsibilities for keeping their things wherw they belong). I pay him, there is no allowance. This just one way to teach him about time and money management.

Why didn’t you hire a maid like you had growing up? Not being facetious but was it a cultural change for you? Or simply that your home country had much cheaper help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did no chores because in my country having maids is normal for middle class families. So adulthood in the US came as a big unpleasant shock. I took years, for some reason, to come up with a routine that worked well for me.

I am adamant on my child doing chores on the weekend (not counting everyday responsibilities for keeping their things wherw they belong). I pay him, there is no allowance. This just one way to teach him about time and money management.

Why didn’t you hire a maid like you had growing up? Not being facetious but was it a cultural change for you? Or simply that your home country had much cheaper help?

hiring a person to come in daily would still be prohibitively for us. we have a biweekly cleaner but they only focus on the deep cleaning (which obviously my child isnt expected to do).

there is also a moral component to this for me. we intentionally bought a smaller house, are minimalists etc and part of the reason was to minimize domestic drudgery (which requires you to feel some of the pain of domestic drudgery).

[Anonymous]

I grew up on a farm so I had lots of chores. I fed the horses before school and cleaned stalls for our boarding operation after school. I had a lot of seasonal chores like planting, spraying, putting up hay and tobacco, vaccinating and dehorning cattle, etc. and in winter we heated our home with wood stoves so we split wood and stacked it by the house.

I have an incredible work ethic and am not above doing anything, no matter how menial or disgusting. It served me well in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The men I’ve dated that were raised to do more domestic chores always impressed me and were better partners - self-sufficient, helpful, and more egalitarian.

This is why I have my boys do chores. They’re still young (elementary age), but they help with unloading the dishwasher, sorting and putting away laundry, wiping down the bathroom sink, clearing the table after dinner, making beds in the morning, etc. plus are expected to pick up after themselves like towels, shoes, etc.

I have no desire to raise men who think a mother figure is always going to come behind them and clean their messes/keep track of their belongings.

My DH also models this as well. One of the things I liked when we were dating was that his bedroom and bathroom were clean. Poor guy would try to maintain the kitchen but his roommates were slobs (and their now-wives complain about them not helping around the house).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

+1 I was also raised in a home with a SAHM who did everything for me. My only “job” was school work and I was pushed to make the best grades I could (and I did). But I also had too much downtime to skirt with falling into the wrong crowd. I felt sort of purposeless. I had to BEG my parents to let me get a part time job and once I finally did, that gave me structure and taught me responsibility.

I think it’s good for kids to feel like an integral part of the family.

Also when I went to college I was just so clueless about things. It didn’t help that I had no student loans like my roommates. I got treated like a dumb, rich princess who couldn’t properly load a dishwasher or run a vacuum. I cringe in retrospect.

Obviously I’ve figured it out now and I maintain a clean home, but my kids are part of that as well so they understand what goes into running a household.

[Anonymous]

I barely did any chores. I don't count cleaning up after myself as a "chore," of course I had to do that. But cooking, dishes, vacuuming, mopping, bathroom cleaning, garbage, etc., rarely did any of that. I had no problem doing these on my own when I got to college. I watched my parents do them and knew that they needed to get done and I didn't want to live in a house where they weren't. I don't really have an opinion on whether I should have been required. It doesn't feel like it would have changed much.

My DH did have chores and somehow was kind of clueless about cleaning for a long time (he's way better now). My brother didn't do any chores either and he's super tidy like me.

[Anonymous]

No, our house was always a mess. I wish my mom or dad did some cleaning instead of pawning it off on us whenever we were having guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Did you not feel like part of your family unit? lol

[Anonymous]

Our kids do chores simply because they are members of the household and everyone contributes. Also there is an expectation that they respect property and people.

I have zero desire to raise them to think that they don't need to lift a finger and everyone around them will run circles to clean up after them, keep everything clean and tidy and ready for them.

Sure there are many things you could choose to not teach your kids as children / teens and leave them to learn as adults. But it is developmentally appropriate to learn basic domestic care as your grow and what it means to be part of a family and household and how to respect people and property. I can't imagine just running around behind my teens cleaning up after them and anticipating their every need to be sure they never had to lift a finger.