If you did not do many chores growing up, do you wish your parents had made you?

[Anonymous]

I lived in a duplex next door to four college student who had grown up with no chores. Their mothers rotated coming every 7-10 days to clean the house, do their laundry, cook them meals, do all the nasty dishes and everything else. The house was a pigsty between visits. They had parties and had never learned at all to clean up after themselves and expected their mothers to do everything...which they did. I chatted with the mothers quite often. Lovely people but I certainly judged that their young adults sons created a disgusting mess and expected their mothers to clean it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lived in a duplex next door to four college student who had grown up with no chores. Their mothers rotated coming every 7-10 days to clean the house, do their laundry, cook them meals, do all the nasty dishes and everything else. The house was a pigsty between visits. They had parties and had never learned at all to clean up after themselves and expected their mothers to do everything...which they did. I chatted with the mothers quite often. Lovely people but I certainly judged that their young adults sons created a disgusting mess and expected their mothers to clean it.

I bet their wives are now on DCUM venting in the relationship forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lived in a duplex next door to four college student who had grown up with no chores. Their mothers rotated coming every 7-10 days to clean the house, do their laundry, cook them meals, do all the nasty dishes and everything else. The house was a pigsty between visits. They had parties and had never learned at all to clean up after themselves and expected their mothers to do everything...which they did. I chatted with the mothers quite often. Lovely people but I certainly judged that their young adults sons created a disgusting mess and expected their mothers to clean it.

I bet their wives are now on DCUM venting in the relationship forum.

Very true! And their mothers lived 2-5 hours away....yet made the trek to clean and cook. Sigh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lived in a duplex next door to four college student who had grown up with no chores. Their mothers rotated coming every 7-10 days to clean the house, do their laundry, cook them meals, do all the nasty dishes and everything else. The house was a pigsty between visits. They had parties and had never learned at all to clean up after themselves and expected their mothers to do everything...which they did. I chatted with the mothers quite often. Lovely people but I certainly judged that their young adults sons created a disgusting mess and expected their mothers to clean it.

I bet their wives are now on DCUM venting in the relationship forum.

Very true! And their mothers lived 2-5 hours away....yet made the trek to clean and cook. Sigh!

That's so gross. I hate everything about it.

[Anonymous]

Why can't a UMC family have a cleaning lady?

[Anonymous]

Intensive parenting doesn’t attach much importance to chores. The goal is to cultivate the child so they can attend as an elite a college as possible and then make money.

I’ve got a kid with some challenges. He’s not getting a 4.0 GPA. I’d be happy with a 3.0! Chore are another way that he can learn skills, contribute to the household and cultivate independence. For that reason, I find them incredibly valuable.

We’re also middle class and overloaded as we both work. My kids need to help and it is good for them.

I don’t do what my mother did, which is criticizing whatever chores are requested.

[Anonymous]

Controversial opinion, but I think chores are more effective (in terms of lifetime consequences) for boys than girls. Girls will eventually do the majority of cleaning anyway, but boys need (and enjoy!) being useful, working hard and doing things with their hands.

[Anonymous]

No, I worked very hard in school and had little time. As an adult I work ft and do all my own chores, yard work, cook every night, do small repairs, no help… Not being lazy matters more than chores. My kids do very few chores and are like me as a teen, busy and productive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

I did lots of chores growing up and yet it didn’t make me feel like “I mattered.”

I don’t see why chores would make a kid feel this way? Affection, love, laughter, talking, adventure - those are things that matter.

We know that self confidence comes from mastery - not from being told how amazing you are. Learning skills and increasing independence and responsibility does a world of good for self confidence. Contributing rather than being on the sidelines when it comes to activity for mental health and well-being. If you want to raise kids who have healthy mental health, they need to learn skills, and independence and responsibility and to learn coping skills and resilience. They don't get them from having everything done for them and having nothing but praise and a focus on positive feelings and externalizing responsibility.

You’re extrapolating and making many incorrect assumptions. Chores don’t make kids confident, promise. You’ve been sold on something that isn’t true.

Chores aren't the be all and end all but they are an important way to build responsibility and independence and mastery and to be a contributing member of a family. Sure adults can learn to cook and clean, they can also learn to read and drive and write. It doesn't mean it is ideal to leave learning until later in adulthood.

I used to work at a college and some kids came with few life skills and expected that there would be a 'someone' to meet all their needs and wants. While a few figured it out on the go when they were told they had to do it, many didn't and struggled with homesickness, depression, anxiety and some left school in the first semester. Not being able to make a bed or do your laundry or clean a dish or cook a basic meal or take a bus or manage any money or clean up after themselves or boil water isn't something that a young adult should be proud of. Being a contributing member of a family goes a long way to being able to be a contributing member of a dorm on campus. The kids who think others should do everything for them and that cleaning / cooking is beneath them don't make friends easily outside of others who have had maids / nannies / parents who have done everything for them.

This is a ridiculous comparison.

Also, how long does it take to learn how to boil water?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised that so many people think kids should not have any household responsibilities. Mine are late elementary now, and have been responsible for taking out the trash and putting away their (already folded) laundry for years now. I actually feel like I'm failing a little bit by not requiring that they contribute more. I think it’s important that kids understand they are part of a larger household, and that we all need to work together to keep things orderly and running smoothly. Life skills are an added bonus.

I guess the question is WHO is otherwise doing the work? If the parents are scrubbing toilets on weekends after working 60 hours then it makes more sense to ask the kids to help with that. But my parents didn’t scrub toilets and neither do I so why would I have my kids do it? And yes, I know how to clean. It takes very little brainpower to learn how to do that and magically when I was at a point in my life when I did need to scrub toilets, I figured it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

I did lots of chores growing up and yet it didn’t make me feel like “I mattered.”

I don’t see why chores would make a kid feel this way? Affection, love, laughter, talking, adventure - those are things that matter.

We know that self confidence comes from mastery - not from being told how amazing you are. Learning skills and increasing independence and responsibility does a world of good for self confidence. Contributing rather than being on the sidelines when it comes to activity for mental health and well-being. If you want to raise kids who have healthy mental health, they need to learn skills, and independence and responsibility and to learn coping skills and resilience. They don't get them from having everything done for them and having nothing but praise and a focus on positive feelings and externalizing responsibility.

You’re extrapolating and making many incorrect assumptions. Chores don’t make kids confident, promise. You’ve been sold on something that isn’t true.

Chores aren't the be all and end all but they are an important way to build responsibility and independence and mastery and to be a contributing member of a family. Sure adults can learn to cook and clean, they can also learn to read and drive and write. It doesn't mean it is ideal to leave learning until later in adulthood.

I used to work at a college and some kids came with few life skills and expected that there would be a 'someone' to meet all their needs and wants. While a few figured it out on the go when they were told they had to do it, many didn't and struggled with homesickness, depression, anxiety and some left school in the first semester. Not being able to make a bed or do your laundry or clean a dish or cook a basic meal or take a bus or manage any money or clean up after themselves or boil water isn't something that a young adult should be proud of. Being a contributing member of a family goes a long way to being able to be a contributing member of a dorm on campus. The kids who think others should do everything for them and that cleaning / cooking is beneath them don't make friends easily outside of others who have had maids / nannies / parents who have done everything for them.

This is a ridiculous comparison.

Also, how long does it take to learn how to boil water?!?

Yes, it’s so easy that a 10 year old can and should know how to do it.

[Anonymous]

I liked doing chores as a kid when my dad actually remembered I was a kid and bothered to teach me stuff about what we were doing, but he could also be a really impatient prick and I wound up hating it a lot of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lived in a duplex next door to four college student who had grown up with no chores. Their mothers rotated coming every 7-10 days to clean the house, do their laundry, cook them meals, do all the nasty dishes and everything else. The house was a pigsty between visits. They had parties and had never learned at all to clean up after themselves and expected their mothers to do everything...which they did. I chatted with the mothers quite often. Lovely people but I certainly judged that their young adults sons created a disgusting mess and expected their mothers to clean it.

Did they do the same for their DDs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

I did lots of chores growing up and yet it didn’t make me feel like “I mattered.”

I don’t see why chores would make a kid feel this way? Affection, love, laughter, talking, adventure - those are things that matter.

We know that self confidence comes from mastery - not from being told how amazing you are. Learning skills and increasing independence and responsibility does a world of good for self confidence. Contributing rather than being on the sidelines when it comes to activity for mental health and well-being. If you want to raise kids who have healthy mental health, they need to learn skills, and independence and responsibility and to learn coping skills and resilience. They don't get them from having everything done for them and having nothing but praise and a focus on positive feelings and externalizing responsibility.

You’re extrapolating and making many incorrect assumptions. Chores don’t make kids confident, promise. You’ve been sold on something that isn’t true.

Chores aren't the be all and end all but they are an important way to build responsibility and independence and mastery and to be a contributing member of a family. Sure adults can learn to cook and clean, they can also learn to read and drive and write. It doesn't mean it is ideal to leave learning until later in adulthood.

I used to work at a college and some kids came with few life skills and expected that there would be a 'someone' to meet all their needs and wants. While a few figured it out on the go when they were told they had to do it, many didn't and struggled with homesickness, depression, anxiety and some left school in the first semester. Not being able to make a bed or do your laundry or clean a dish or cook a basic meal or take a bus or manage any money or clean up after themselves or boil water isn't something that a young adult should be proud of. Being a contributing member of a family goes a long way to being able to be a contributing member of a dorm on campus. The kids who think others should do everything for them and that cleaning / cooking is beneath them don't make friends easily outside of others who have had maids / nannies / parents who have done everything for them.

Sorry, but you cannot equate learning how to clean with a real education. It is simply not in the least bit hard to learn--or just know--how to run a vacuum or make your bed. Please stop equating cleaning with learning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lived in a duplex next door to four college student who had grown up with no chores. Their mothers rotated coming every 7-10 days to clean the house, do their laundry, cook them meals, do all the nasty dishes and everything else. The house was a pigsty between visits. They had parties and had never learned at all to clean up after themselves and expected their mothers to do everything...which they did. I chatted with the mothers quite often. Lovely people but I certainly judged that their young adults sons created a disgusting mess and expected their mothers to clean it.

Did they do the same for their DDs?

I have no idea! Probably not.