Angry at sibling for abdicating her role

[Anonymous]

What a horrible narcissistic post, op! Team sister all the way, you are a horrible person.

[Anonymous]

Yes you are the A.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually can’t move closer because of my DH’s job.

She could have asked for help or we could have hired it.

Move her in with you, it will be so awesome for you, problem solved.

[Anonymous]

How totally narc like, to be angry at the person who was doing everything. No self reflection whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, YATA

Why would it be solely your sisters job to care for your mom?

+1

Your sister abdicated responsibility because the burden fell solely to her and you were happy with that arrangement. If she shared her plan you would have done anything to stop her. You should have prevented it by being more involved in the first place.

+1

Hire people to take mom to the doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How totally narc like, to be angry at the person who was doing everything. No self reflection whatsoever.

Yep.

Poor you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually can’t move closer because of my DH’s job.

She could have asked for help or we could have hired it.

she shouldn’t have had to ask for help. She is done. Your turn now.

[Anonymous]

I've assumed all along that OP is a troll. Certain lines just hit that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've assumed all along that OP is a troll. Certain lines just hit that way.

I thought so too initially but she's been back earnestly making her case and said she's posted about this before. I think she's a real person who is a bit selfish and feels like people should be siding with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've assumed all along that OP is a troll. Certain lines just hit that way.

I thought so too initially but she's been back earnestly making her case and said she's posted about this before. I think she's a real person who is a bit selfish and feels like people should be siding with her.

I think, unfortunately, so many of us responding have similar siblings, who have such a bizarre take on caregiving, and “abdicating” responsibility, that it rings true.

My mom is starting to decline, and my brother (who lives on the opposite coast and rarely visits) suggested that I sell my own house to free up money for my mom’s care and move in with her to be the primary caregiver, so her house wouldn’t need to be sold to pay for her care if/when she needs skilled nursing care. I’ve remote worked for years, which translates to my brother thinking this is the perfect set up.

My brother is in his 50s and has zero retirement, and is counting on mom’s house as his retirement fund. But he’d still want an equal share in her house and would likely want to sell it the second she passes away. So then I’d be significantly poorer and homeless if I agreed to his grand plan.

Utterly.Delusional. And he gets mad that I don’t want to even entertain it. Fortunately, I have medical and durable POA for my mom, put in place many years ago, so I’ll be able to sell her house if needed to pay for quality care as long as possible. And this shouldn’t come as a surprise to my brother, but just like OP, he’ll act shocked when his plan doesn’t come to pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've assumed all along that OP is a troll. Certain lines just hit that way.

I thought so too initially but she's been back earnestly making her case and said she's posted about this before. I think she's a real person who is a bit selfish and feels like people should be siding with her.

I sort of wonder if she’s the sister who moved away and is trying to get a perspective on her sister’s point of view by “pretending” to be her. Sometimes it’s useful to argue the other person’s side and get feedback from outsiders just to check your own take on a situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've assumed all along that OP is a troll. Certain lines just hit that way.

I thought so too initially but she's been back earnestly making her case and said she's posted about this before. I think she's a real person who is a bit selfish and feels like people should be siding with her.

I sort of wonder if she’s the sister who moved away and is trying to get a perspective on her sister’s point of view by “pretending” to be her. Sometimes it’s useful to argue the other person’s side and get feedback from outsiders just to check your own take on a situation.

I wondered the same thing. If so, she clearly is getting feedback that confirms she isn't the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've assumed all along that OP is a troll. Certain lines just hit that way.

I thought so too initially but she's been back earnestly making her case and said she's posted about this before. I think she's a real person who is a bit selfish and feels like people should be siding with her.

I think, unfortunately, so many of us responding have similar siblings, who have such a bizarre take on caregiving, and “abdicating” responsibility, that it rings true.

My mom is starting to decline, and my brother (who lives on the opposite coast and rarely visits) suggested that I sell my own house to free up money for my mom’s care and move in with her to be the primary caregiver, so her house wouldn’t need to be sold to pay for her care if/when she needs skilled nursing care. I’ve remote worked for years, which translates to my brother thinking this is the perfect set up.

My brother is in his 50s and has zero retirement, and is counting on mom’s house as his retirement fund. But he’d still want an equal share in her house and would likely want to sell it the second she passes away. So then I’d be significantly poorer and homeless if I agreed to his grand plan.

Utterly.Delusional. And he gets mad that I don’t want to even entertain it. Fortunately, I have medical and durable POA for my mom, put in place many years ago, so I’ll be able to sell her house if needed to pay for quality care as long as possible. And this shouldn’t come as a surprise to my brother, but just like OP, he’ll act shocked when his plan doesn’t come to pass.

Wow. I'm speechless with this one.

We all could've used even 4 digit inheritances from our parents, but it wasn't to be (they worked hard their whole lives, but not every job comes with great pay and benefits). But none of my siblings tried to scam each other or our parents.

And great that you know how you will be left if you were to follow your brother's directions. Too many folks - female adult children - do this and it ends up in a bad way for them - no home and lost years of savings and asset accumulation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've assumed all along that OP is a troll. Certain lines just hit that way.

I thought so too initially but she's been back earnestly making her case and said she's posted about this before. I think she's a real person who is a bit selfish and feels like people should be siding with her.

I think, unfortunately, so many of us responding have similar siblings, who have such a bizarre take on caregiving, and “abdicating” responsibility, that it rings true.

My mom is starting to decline, and my brother (who lives on the opposite coast and rarely visits) suggested that I sell my own house to free up money for my mom’s care and move in with her to be the primary caregiver, so her house wouldn’t need to be sold to pay for her care if/when she needs skilled nursing care. I’ve remote worked for years, which translates to my brother thinking this is the perfect set up.

My brother is in his 50s and has zero retirement, and is counting on mom’s house as his retirement fund. But he’d still want an equal share in her house and would likely want to sell it the second she passes away. So then I’d be significantly poorer and homeless if I agreed to his grand plan.

Utterly.Delusional. And he gets mad that I don’t want to even entertain it. Fortunately, I have medical and durable POA for my mom, put in place many years ago, so I’ll be able to sell her house if needed to pay for quality care as long as possible. And this shouldn’t come as a surprise to my brother, but just like OP, he’ll act shocked when his plan doesn’t come to pass.

My dad was friends with a middle aged woman taking care of her mom through Alzheimer's. Ironically, it was the middle aged woman grand-daughter, the mother with dementia and the grandmother without dementia who was in better condition than the mother. Anyways, they all lived in a very modest house owned by the mother. The grand-daughter had 3 other siblings and got zero help. Took 10 years of care for the mother to pass. When she died the 3 siblings came out of the woodwork with their hands out thinking the house should be sold and split 4 ways.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think I’ve ever been so on the team of someone the OP is trying to complain about.