Reply to Angry at sibling for abdicating her role

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've assumed all along that OP is a troll. Certain lines just hit that way.[/quote]

I thought so too initially but she's been back earnestly making her case and said she's posted about this before. I think she's a real person who is a bit selfish and feels like people should be siding with her.[/quote]

I think, unfortunately, so many of us responding have similar siblings, who have such a bizarre take on caregiving, and “abdicating” responsibility, that it rings true.

My mom is starting to decline, and my brother (who lives on the opposite coast and rarely visits) suggested that I sell my own house to free up money for my mom’s care and move in with her to be the primary caregiver, so her house wouldn’t need to be sold to pay for her care if/when she needs skilled nursing care. I’ve remote worked for years, which translates to my brother thinking this is the perfect set up.

My brother is in his 50s and has zero retirement, and is counting on mom’s house as his retirement fund.  But he’d still want an equal share in her house and would likely want to sell it the second she passes away.  So then I’d be significantly poorer and homeless if I agreed to his grand plan.

Utterly.Delusional.  And he gets mad that I don’t want to even entertain it.  Fortunately, I have medical and durable POA for my mom, put in place many years ago, so I’ll be able to sell her house if needed to pay for quality care as long as possible.  And this shouldn’t come as a surprise to my brother, but just like OP, he’ll act shocked when his plan doesn’t come to pass.[/quote]
My dad was friends with a middle aged woman taking care of her mom through Alzheimer's. Ironically, it was the middle aged woman grand-daughter, the mother with dementia and the grandmother without dementia who was in better condition than the mother. Anyways, they all lived in a very modest house owned by the mother. The grand-daughter had 3 other siblings and got zero help. Took 10 years of care for the mother to pass. When she died the 3 siblings came out of the woodwork with their hands out thinking the house should be sold and split 4 ways. [/quote]

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