My teenage daughter is worrie that her parents' bad relationship makes her a less desirable future partner

[Anonymous]

The DD is a lot more self aware than OP and the DH - instead of telling her boys only care about looks let her know that her awareness will be helpful in finding a future partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I took the bar exam in CA where the first time pass rate was low compared to other states besides New York. The day after law school graduation we had to be at the bar study center at 8 am for our first prep session. I couldn't socialize or deal with anything besides studying/sleeping/eating/exercising for about two months. I was single at the time, but if I were with a partner that would have impacted heavily on him. For a mom, this would be a huge deal for the family to endure. I can't imagine my partner not feeling personally involved in the experience and its outcome. I think OP's husband is a weirdo.

It is kind and caring of a spouse to be proud of your achievement and share it with others. It is not evidence of narcissism that he did not. (- signed another attorney who took and passed California and New York bars).

Agreed. Another lawyer.

My DH is really absent-minded (he is incredibly successful in his career, internationally known as a top person in his field) and he forgot/didn’t inform his parents that our beloved pet died very traumatically. They showed up last summer expecting to be greeted at the door while he was at work, and I got to break the news to them. My MIL could not believe it! She was so upset. Doesn’t mean he didn’t care…he’s just a super genius spaz who didn’t want to upset them, and put it off until I got to do it.

Doesn’t make him a narcissist. He definitely isn’t. Just what occurs to him as conversation fodder on the phone is not at all the same as a normal woman’s.

He also didn’t tell them of a very significant medical diagnosis of mine (think cancer), not because it wasn’t news but because he didn’t feel like it. I don’t care, he can deal with his own parents.

[Anonymous]

Tell your daughter she doesn’t have to get married to be happy.

[Anonymous]

OP might be a troll, but I'll be honest and say I frequently think life would be easier if DHs parents weren't divorced. We have such limited time during the holidays and I resent dividing that time by 3 instead of 2. We've been married 20 years but I still think about how easier it could be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP might be a troll, but I'll be honest and say I frequently think life would be easier if DHs parents weren't divorced. We have such limited time during the holidays and I resent dividing that time by 3 instead of 2. We've been married 20 years but I still think about how easier it could be.

Yes, it would probably be so miserable you wouldn't be visiting at all.

[Anonymous]

It does make her a less desirable future partner to less desirable partners.

[Anonymous]

Is religion playing a role here? The only people I knew with these biases were very religious. It may have an impact on future relationships but I think the suggestion of therapy is a good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a statistically proven fact, not just some personal bias.

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2013/10/21/is-divorce-contagious/

Statistics can only prove correlation, not causation.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately your daughter is correct. Eveyone looks at what kind of family they would be marrying into. Unless you have a lot of family money, she will have to work harder at making herself worthy and attractive in other ways, bc it will be a point against her even though it t isn’t her fault.

[Anonymous]

Forget the boyfriends. Your daughter doesn't want be stuck with a pair of parents that hate each other. She can't choose different parents

[Anonymous]

This doesn't matter until marriage age, at which point her parents might be dead, and doesn't matter at all if she's good in bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you are really getting a lot of mileage out of this narcissist husband thing. Very thrifty!

Your complainy quote about him neglecting to mention the bar exam to his mom speaks volumes. As is often the case, the partner of the accused narcissist is probably one herself.

OP here. I am quite sure that there are more than a few women on this board with narcissist husbands. You cannot assume that one person starts all threads, if I understand your assumptions correctly.

LOL that OP didn't actually get the comment. I'm a NP, but I got it.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all 7 pages, so maybe OP posted an update that made the original post less weird. But if not, well, this is just a weird post. I mean, what kind of teenager worries that boys won't like her because her parents don't have a happy marriage? That's so incredibly unlikely, that I think either the daughter is making it up as a way to express to OP that her relationship sucks and it's having a bad effect on DD, or OP actually has no idea what DD is thinking and has it all mixed up. The bar exam comment definitely made me wonder about OP's connection to reality.

OP, I think you and DD might need some professional help. Something is very very wrong here, and either your perception of reality is off or your reality itself is off. But something is off here for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all 7 pages, so maybe OP posted an update that made the original post less weird. But if not, well, this is just a weird post. I mean, what kind of teenager worries that boys won't like her because her parents don't have a happy marriage? That's so incredibly unlikely, that I think either the daughter is making it up as a way to express to OP that her relationship sucks and it's having a bad effect on DD, or OP actually has no idea what DD is thinking and has it all mixed up. The bar exam comment definitely made me wonder about OP's connection to reality.

OP, I think you and DD might need some professional help. Something is very very wrong here, and either your perception of reality is off or your reality itself is off. But something is off here for sure.

It's classic projecting.

[Anonymous]

Colleges often provide free therapy. Sign up early in the semester.

2. She needs to put boundaries around her dad. I’d never tell my son to avoid a girl with a troubled parent if she’s able to deal with it in an emotionally healthy manner. If she insists on doing everything daddy’s way and walking on eggshells around him, I’d tell my son to steer clear. This is about how she *navigates* the situation, not the situation itself. 💯 within her control.