My teenage daughter is worrie that her parents' bad relationship makes her a less desirable future partner

[Anonymous]

There are people of both sexes who do look with a jaundiced eye at a potential mate who is a child of divorce. Children of divorce has a much higher rate of divorcing their spouse. That is just fact, OP. So yes, your teen has a valid concern. She's a bright cookie.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't like you. Why would he mention you when talking to his mother. I wouldn't have even told him as he doesn't want to be with you or hear from you. Let him go and he will treat you better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I took the bar exam in CA where the first time pass rate was low compared to other states besides New York. The day after law school graduation we had to be at the bar study center at 8 am for our first prep session. I couldn't socialize or deal with anything besides studying/sleeping/eating/exercising for about two months. I was single at the time, but if I were with a partner that would have impacted heavily on him. For a mom, this would be a huge deal for the family to endure. I can't imagine my partner not feeling personally involved in the experience and its outcome. I think OP's husband is a weirdo.

Meh when you have teenage kids I think you have all been balancing a lot more so this experience is not applicable. If OP's MIL asked and the DH didn't respond or changed subject, yeah he may be a narcissist. If it just never came up it seems likely they will speak again in the near future and this news will eventually be conveyed to the MIL - OP sounds very insecure and nitpicky.

[Anonymous]

This is a statistically proven fact, not just some personal bias.

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2013/10/21/is-divorce-contagious/

[Anonymous]

In my experience the girls who come from chaos and family trauma are the FIRST girls ti be in relationships. And are serial monogamists who are never single.

Sadly - unhealthy ones bc they seek external and put up with bad behavior in partners bc most people replay their childhoods in adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I took the bar exam in CA where the first time pass rate was low compared to other states besides New York. The day after law school graduation we had to be at the bar study center at 8 am for our first prep session. I couldn't socialize or deal with anything besides studying/sleeping/eating/exercising for about two months. I was single at the time, but if I were with a partner that would have impacted heavily on him. For a mom, this would be a huge deal for the family to endure. I can't imagine my partner not feeling personally involved in the experience and its outcome. I think OP's husband is a weirdo.

Meh when you have teenage kids I think you have all been balancing a lot more so this experience is not applicable. If OP's MIL asked and the DH didn't respond or changed subject, yeah he may be a narcissist. If it just never came up it seems likely they will speak again in the near future and this news will eventually be conveyed to the MIL - OP sounds very insecure and nitpicky.

It’s a huge accomplishment, especially for a second career. I don’t understand why OP is being attacked here. What’s plainly obvious is the fact that DH doesn’t really like his wife and doesn’t celebrate her accomplishments. Is he feeling emasculated by his successful wife? Is he insecure? What a horrible thing, not wanting to celebrate his wife’s success!

[Anonymous]

I'm willing to bet that DH is 100% a narcissist and there are several examples. Maybe the "telling Mom about the bar exam" wasn't the best example of exactly showing narcissistic behavior, but something that happened recently, or otherwise really bothers OP. I am sure for good reason. I don't understand why we can't ever give Grace to the person who comes here asking for help. It actually takes a lot more mental gymnastics to conceive a scenario where OP is the bad guy. It's not hard to understand where she is coming from, if you just try. Your reluctance to do so says a lot more about you than it does about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I took the bar exam in CA where the first time pass rate was low compared to other states besides New York. The day after law school graduation we had to be at the bar study center at 8 am for our first prep session. I couldn't socialize or deal with anything besides studying/sleeping/eating/exercising for about two months. I was single at the time, but if I were with a partner that would have impacted heavily on him. For a mom, this would be a huge deal for the family to endure. I can't imagine my partner not feeling personally involved in the experience and its outcome. I think OP's husband is a weirdo.

Meh when you have teenage kids I think you have all been balancing a lot more so this experience is not applicable. If OP's MIL asked and the DH didn't respond or changed subject, yeah he may be a narcissist. If it just never came up it seems likely they will speak again in the near future and this news will eventually be conveyed to the MIL - OP sounds very insecure and nitpicky.

It’s a huge accomplishment, especially for a second career. I don’t understand why OP is being attacked here. What’s plainly obvious is the fact that DH doesn’t really like his wife and doesn’t celebrate her accomplishments. Is he feeling emasculated by his successful wife? Is he insecure? What a horrible thing, not wanting to celebrate his wife’s success!

OP doesn't have good relations with him, probably not with her MIL either and everyone knows she is only waiting to become financially independent to ditch them all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm willing to bet that DH is 100% a narcissist and there are several examples. Maybe the "telling Mom about the bar exam" wasn't the best example of exactly showing narcissistic behavior, but something that happened recently, or otherwise really bothers OP. I am sure for good reason. I don't understand why we can't ever give Grace to the person who comes here asking for help. It actually takes a lot more mental gymnastics to conceive a scenario where OP is the bad guy. It's not hard to understand where she is coming from, if you just try. Your reluctance to do so says a lot more about you than it does about her.

We are all devil's advocates so giving grace to absentee

[Anonymous]

I have told my son that it is important to marry a girl from a happy intact family. Of course it matters!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Since PPs seem to be so hung up on the "not sharing MIL the bar result" example, here is perhaps a better one: whenever DD brings up something that happened in school that is bothering her, H never remarks specifically on DD's situation or asks follow-up questions about her situation. Instead, he immediately launches on a description of his own similar school issues back in the day.

Or he considers that he carries the (admittedly high) mortgage (PITI) entirely alone, and therefore my own contribution to the household income is almost not valuable. In reality, all other expenses (private school tuition 5k, maintenance, food, vacations, home repairs, entertainment, etc.) is paid from my income (deposited in a joint checking account), including the $7k credit card invoice that he runs up every month.

[Anonymous]

Go to marriage counseling/ couples therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Since PPs seem to be so hung up on the "not sharing MIL the bar result" example, here is perhaps a better one: whenever DD brings up something that happened in school that is bothering her, H never remarks specifically on DD's situation or asks follow-up questions about her situation. Instead, he immediately launches on a description of his own similar school issues back in the day.

Or he considers that he carries the (admittedly high) mortgage (PITI) entirely alone, and therefore my own contribution to the household income is almost not valuable. In reality, all other expenses (private school tuition 5k, maintenance, food, vacations, home repairs, entertainment, etc.) is paid from my income (deposited in a joint checking account), including the $7k credit card invoice that he runs up every month.

He sounds very annoying.

[Anonymous]

This is ridiculous. People have allllllll kinds of family drama and issues. But maybe she’s really just saying she’s be too embarrassed to bring a boyfriend to an acrimonious house. That I can see. My parents fought a lot and I basically lived at my HS bf’s house to reduce my exposure

[Anonymous]

Your best hope would you have divorced this ahole and remarried a good man.

I do think that it will be harder for her without a good male role model but it just means she needs to work harder.