Do you get jealous?

[Anonymous]

we made a plan that it was T10 school or it was college plus grad school/down payment.

IOW we did what our college counselor sneered at: "don't be one of those parents who will only pay for SOME colleges". We'll only pay for SOME houses, cars, stocks, high schools .. what makes this different.

This way we were super happy either way and zero envy. Had one kid who did T5. And two kids who - by choice and also by great but not perfect stats - went for merit and one is now in law school paid for out of 529. And a second kid who is already planning on opening a small business. T5 is doing great, but we always knew this wasn't the only path to success.

Have a plan that works for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First kid did unusually well, admitted to HYPS without a hook. A couple of parents ghosted me forever, and a couple more went out of their way to share their views on my child’s social/emotional deficiencies. A couple were genuinely happy for her. You definitely learn who your friends are!

That’s awful! Wtf is wrong with people?

I am currently on a trip with my child who is auditioning for performing arts scholarships at schools this board would laugh at. In the middle of this, I got a text from a teacher begging her to turn in her assignments so she doesn’t get a D in her class.

So even though she managed to get a couple acceptances, I now think I have to tell my child with ADHD and associated other issues we’re not throwing money down a black hole when she is going to have to fight to just graduate high school at this point. If she can’t take school seriously now, I’m not assuming she’s going to magically figure it out next fall.

I am more envious that other people have kids that don’t struggle so darn much. I was a kid that did well in school without much effort, so this child has been such a challenge as a parent because I truly do not understand her and what makes her tick.

I guess my child will be getting a job and going to community college now. Yes, I am sad and frustrated

PP here — sorry you’re frustrated. Parenting is the hardest job there is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First kid did unusually well, admitted to HYPS without a hook. A couple of parents ghosted me forever, and a couple more went out of their way to share their views on my child’s social/emotional deficiencies. A couple were genuinely happy for her. You definitely learn who your friends are!

This is why ivy kids and parents learn to be quiet - except with those who are secure in themselves.

I told nobody. Word spreads very fast!

If you think of yourself as a gifted parent or an Ivy parent then you ARE the problem. We all avoid the lady in our circle who believes that her children are the most successful because she aced parenting and the rest of us failed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First kid did unusually well, admitted to HYPS without a hook. A couple of parents ghosted me forever, and a couple more went out of their way to share their views on my child’s social/emotional deficiencies. A couple were genuinely happy for her. You definitely learn who your friends are!

That’s awful! Wtf is wrong with people?

I am currently on a trip with my child who is auditioning for performing arts scholarships at schools this board would laugh at. In the middle of this, I got a text from a teacher begging her to turn in her assignments so she doesn’t get a D in her class.

So even though she managed to get a couple acceptances, I now think I have to tell my child with ADHD and associated other issues we’re not throwing money down a black hole when she is going to have to fight to just graduate high school at this point. If she can’t take school seriously now, I’m not assuming she’s going to magically figure it out next fall.

I am more envious that other people have kids that don’t struggle so darn much. I was a kid that did well in school without much effort, so this child has been such a challenge as a parent because I truly do not understand her and what makes her tick.

I guess my child will be getting a job and going to community college now. Yes, I am sad and frustrated

PP here — sorry you’re frustrated. Parenting is the hardest job there is.

Thank you for this. We were at one of the schools this morning (we were already at our Airbnb last night). I wasn’t going to pull her out of the auditions last minute. I don’t know-so conflicted because I know she has the potential, she just FAAFO way too much. Yes, parenting is so incredibly hard. I try so hard to do the right thing, and things always seem to backfire.

[Anonymous]

Nope. I’m happy for my kids to get into the best fit college for my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First kid did unusually well, admitted to HYPS without a hook. A couple of parents ghosted me forever, and a couple more went out of their way to share their views on my child’s social/emotional deficiencies. A couple were genuinely happy for her. You definitely learn who your friends are!

That’s awful! Wtf is wrong with people?

I am currently on a trip with my child who is auditioning for performing arts scholarships at schools this board would laugh at. In the middle of this, I got a text from a teacher begging her to turn in her assignments so she doesn’t get a D in her class.

So even though she managed to get a couple acceptances, I now think I have to tell my child with ADHD and associated other issues we’re not throwing money down a black hole when she is going to have to fight to just graduate high school at this point. If she can’t take school seriously now, I’m not assuming she’s going to magically figure it out next fall.

I am more envious that other people have kids that don’t struggle so darn much. I was a kid that did well in school without much effort, so this child has been such a challenge as a parent because I truly do not understand her and what makes her tick.

I guess my child will be getting a job and going to community college now. Yes, I am sad and frustrated

Had similar to this and had hoped tours would spark interes, but instead just talked about the food

[Anonymous]

Prestigious? Not at all.

But as a taxpayer, I am furious that OOS applicants with nearly exact stats get admitted to our in state flagship while in state applicants get denied.

[Anonymous]

My oldest is only a freshman. He is very academically motivated and we would probably feel bad if his friends got in to the schools he wanted but didnt get in. I hope and expect DS to get into some good schools. We will see.

My middle kid isn’t as academically motivated. We know a lot of braggy obnoxious parents. A few families are very competitive and I’m sure their kids will likely get into better colleges than my middle kid. I’m sure I will find them annoying and obnoxious during the college cycle.

What is odd is that my older kid’s friends’ parents are not braggy even though their kids are all accomplished. Middle kid is more sporty. They just seem more competitive in everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When our oldest got into UVA we stopped thinking about this. We knew from that point forward that we could always hold our heads up high at cocktail parties. Even if our younger kids did not get into UVA, we figured, we were still in a position to turn around the conversation to reference that at least our oldest kid did.

So we didn’t have to be jealous.

You sound unbearable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First kid did unusually well, admitted to HYPS without a hook. A couple of parents ghosted me forever, and a couple more went out of their way to share their views on my child’s social/emotional deficiencies. A couple were genuinely happy for her. You definitely learn who your friends are!

That’s awful! Wtf is wrong with people?

I am currently on a trip with my child who is auditioning for performing arts scholarships at schools this board would laugh at. In the middle of this, I got a text from a teacher begging her to turn in her assignments so she doesn’t get a D in her class.

So even though she managed to get a couple acceptances, I now think I have to tell my child with ADHD and associated other issues we’re not throwing money down a black hole when she is going to have to fight to just graduate high school at this point. If she can’t take school seriously now, I’m not assuming she’s going to magically figure it out next fall.

I am more envious that other people have kids that don’t struggle so darn much. I was a kid that did well in school without much effort, so this child has been such a challenge as a parent because I truly do not understand her and what makes her tick.

I guess my child will be getting a job and going to community college now. Yes, I am sad and frustrated

PP here — sorry you’re frustrated. Parenting is the hardest job there is.

Thank you for this. We were at one of the schools this morning (we were already at our Airbnb last night). I wasn’t going to pull her out of the auditions last minute. I don’t know-so conflicted because I know she has the potential, she just FAAFO way too much. Yes, parenting is so incredibly hard. I try so hard to do the right thing, and things always seem to backfire.

NP. I have had similar situations with my kid. And I agree: It is sad. It is frustrating. And it is difficult to look at the kids who seem to preternaturally have it all together, as if they are somehow made of different stuff, and wonder why it is so easy for some, and so, so difficult for others. I have no answers, just a note that what I keep trying to do in these situations is to zoom out and clear my head, and ask, "if this situation, right here, were to become one of those long-term, life-enhancing learning opportunities, what would that look like? If this moment could somehow enhance our relationship, rather than fracturing it, what would *that* look like? What would I, as the parent, need to be doing right now?" I've found that even when I'm still unsure about *what* to do, those questions always nudge me closer to *how* I should approach things, which is to say with a bit more openness and grace than I'd been able to muster.

At any rate, I hope she's proud of herself for the audition. And I hope those little moments of pride can begin to accumulate such that they begin to feel like a compass, pointing her way. I sincerely wish you and your daughter all the best.

[Anonymous]

I admit I get jealous. But I realize that is a bad reaction. I am working on it and try never to show any jealousy.

My older kid does attend an Ivy, so I saw other people hiding their thoughts when we told them. Some people probably thought he didn’t deserve to get in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First kid did unusually well, admitted to HYPS without a hook. A couple of parents ghosted me forever, and a couple more went out of their way to share their views on my child’s social/emotional deficiencies. A couple were genuinely happy for her. You definitely learn who your friends are!

That’s awful! Wtf is wrong with people?

I am currently on a trip with my child who is auditioning for performing arts scholarships at schools this board would laugh at. In the middle of this, I got a text from a teacher begging her to turn in her assignments so she doesn’t get a D in her class.

So even though she managed to get a couple acceptances, I now think I have to tell my child with ADHD and associated other issues we’re not throwing money down a black hole when she is going to have to fight to just graduate high school at this point. If she can’t take school seriously now, I’m not assuming she’s going to magically figure it out next fall.

I am more envious that other people have kids that don’t struggle so darn much. I was a kid that did well in school without much effort, so this child has been such a challenge as a parent because I truly do not understand her and what makes her tick.

I guess my child will be getting a job and going to community college now. Yes, I am sad and frustrated

PP here — sorry you’re frustrated. Parenting is the hardest job there is.

Thank you for this. We were at one of the schools this morning (we were already at our Airbnb last night). I wasn’t going to pull her out of the auditions last minute. I don’t know-so conflicted because I know she has the potential, she just FAAFO way too much. Yes, parenting is so incredibly hard. I try so hard to do the right thing, and things always seem to backfire.

NP. I have had similar situations with my kid. And I agree: It is sad. It is frustrating. And it is difficult to look at the kids who seem to preternaturally have it all together, as if they are somehow made of different stuff, and wonder why it is so easy for some, and so, so difficult for others. I have no answers, just a note that what I keep trying to do in these situations is to zoom out and clear my head, and ask, "if this situation, right here, were to become one of those long-term, life-enhancing learning opportunities, what would that look like? If this moment could somehow enhance our relationship, rather than fracturing it, what would *that* look like? What would I, as the parent, need to be doing right now?" I've found that even when I'm still unsure about *what* to do, those questions always nudge me closer to *how* I should approach things, which is to say with a bit more openness and grace than I'd been able to muster.

At any rate, I hope she's proud of herself for the audition. And I hope those little moments of pride can begin to accumulate such that they begin to feel like a compass, pointing her way. I sincerely wish you and your daughter all the best.

Great post. We have a similar situation but with a twist. Older two kids were independent and kept it together without needing much school-related supervision from us parents which was nice because I am naturally pretty hands off. Although we talked a good bit about goals, what classes to take in HS, where to apply to college but day to day stuff they managed on their own. Both kids are at top 15 schools and doing well. But youngest is a different story and needs different parenting. His grades are all over the place and I have no idea where he will end up at regarding college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When our oldest got into UVA we stopped thinking about this. We knew from that point forward that we could always hold our heads up high at cocktail parties. Even if our younger kids did not get into UVA, we figured, we were still in a position to turn around the conversation to reference that at least our oldest kid did.

So we didn’t have to be jealous.

You sound unbearable.

I am assuming this first response is a parody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First kid did unusually well, admitted to HYPS without a hook. A couple of parents ghosted me forever, and a couple more went out of their way to share their views on my child’s social/emotional deficiencies. A couple were genuinely happy for her. You definitely learn who your friends are!

This is why ivy kids and parents learn to be quiet - except with those who are secure in themselves.

I told nobody. Word spreads very fast!

If you think of yourself as a gifted parent or an Ivy parent then you ARE the problem. We all avoid the lady in our circle who believes that her children are the most successful because she aced parenting and the rest of us failed

Either one is an ivy parent or isn't. Being an ivy parent isn't a crime who need to be avoided like a criminal. This is many stay quiet.

[Anonymous]

It's an interesting question. I don't "get jealous". I admire other people's success, rejoice in my own successes or despair of my own, or my kid's perceived "failures" but do not tend to compare. Maybe there are more people like me out there. I don't think this is unicorn stuff. I would bet only about 25-50% of normal people "get jealous" about anything.