DD says she wants a nicer house

[Anonymous]

“People make different choices. These are the ones [other parent] and I made for our family and when you have your own family you will get to decide what choices you make.”

The end.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, my kids around the same age as your DD have similar thoughts as a lot of their friends live in bigger houses. Ours is a small townhouse. We recently painted our house, chose a paint of their choice for their rooms and bought new desks and some small furniture items for them. Since then, they are doing okay. Maybe try some renovations in your house especially in DD's room and see if that helps.

We also talk to our kids about how blessed we are to have a house, a good community and a good school. We take them to library and other places and always emphasize on how cool it is to be living where we live to enjoy all these other benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have two gorgeous homes but mine was telling me that his classmates have pools and we do not. Mine was older, so we explained that our homes fit our needs perfectly. We also told him that, as an adult, he'll get a chance to buy the home of his dreams with a pool, so he needs to work hard to accomplish that.

I’m the pp with a 10,000sf house. We also don’t have a pool. My kids have complained over all sorts of things over the years including not having a pool, not being close to a playground, not having a dog, having a screen time limit. I just tell them every family is different. I don’t think I give explanations or reasons.

I grew up in a humble home. I quietly liked others’ homes. I gathered all the little things I liked and now have the home I want. I wanted a giant kitchen and giant play space for my kids.

My kids may want something different, like a townhouse with a playground or a house with a pool. I think one kid wants to live somewhere to dock a boat.

PP here and yes. They wanted a dog, we got the dog and now they want a cat too lol. We're basically in the city, and my little one would love to be on a big farm with chickens and goats.

[Anonymous]

It’s kind of silly to go on about how you make a lot of money and can pay for all the extras and college . The big house people can probably do the same.

People live in different size houses, apartments, townhomes, riverboats, vans down by the river. Good people don’t choose their friends based on their house or clothes or car. They choose friends because they like being with the person and it doesn’t matter if it’s in a big house or small house.

My DD just slept over her friends house who came from South America. They have a two bedroom apartment and the two daughters sleep in one bed.

[Anonymous]

There are pros and cons to all types of home and we are in the house that works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t something to explain to an 8yo. Just make vague “mm hmms” when she says it or talks about the big McMansions.

+1. An 8 year old does not, and probably cannot at that age, grasp all of the tradeoffs that OP outlined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great. This can be incentive to her to get awesome grades and a great career where she can afford what she wants.

You guys are setting your kids up for disappointment if you instill this nonsense. Millennials are the first generation to do materially worse than their parents; Gen Z and alpha will be even worse off. “Work hard for good grades and prosper” is dead. You either come from money or you don’t. Class mobility via college isn’t happening.

. Just because this is the case as a whole, does not mean it’s not possible as an individual. It’s absolutely not dead and I know dozens of people who are exceptions to this.

[Anonymous]

You sure are putting a lot of energy into a random comment by an 8 yr old.
They have a nice house and so do we.
It’s not that hard OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At that age I would just say "this is the house that works for our family! I love the x and the y" help her focus on what you have, not what you don't have.

This. And why does OP care so much that her eight-year-old daughter thinks they aren’t as well-off as they are? Screams insecurity.

[Anonymous]

She’s 8. Just acknowledge that Larla’s house is big/new/fancy/has a chandelier with parrots and monkeys/whatever. Then move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At that age I would just say "this is the house that works for our family! I love the x and the y" help her focus on what you have, not what you don't have.

This. And why does OP care so much that her eight-year-old daughter thinks they aren’t as well-off as they are? Screams insecurity.

NP, exactly.

OP just say every family makes different choices for different reasons, and when she's the adult making money she will get to decide which scenario she wants.

I also think 8-9 is a pretty standard age to want a room redo, I would consider bringing some new-ness to her house.

Or get some design ap and let her build her own house on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD8 has been going to friends houses and many live in very nice houses. We live in an inner suburb with primarily older houses, but she is in an activity where most of her friends live in the exurbs where there are mainly new builds. She goes over to their houses and has started saying she wished we lived in a nicer house like that. Happened again last night.

The spread between what our house would sell for and what theirs would sell for isn’t as astronomical as I’m sure she thinks. We are just in a far more desirable and practical location, making our modest home more desirable.

We bought our house in 2009 for cheap and have re-fi’d a couple times into 2.5% interest rate. Our house would sell for more than double we bought it for, but it’s such a great place to be in to have a small mortgage payment and we will have no payment before she goes to college. It’s financial freedom.

Last night when she said she wished we lived in a nicer house like that, she said she knows we can’t afford it. However, we very much could and then some. We may about $500k a year. The approach I’m taking with DD is very practical to explain why we stay … we have no debt, we can pay for college for her, we can pay for her crazy expensive activity, we can retire earlier, she won’t ever need to help us financially when we are older, etc. Is this too much info for an 8 year old? Would you explain it a different way? She’s pretty mature, so I’ve taken to just telling her how it is with a lot of things recently.

At her age, she doesn't need to understand the details but its time for a lesson on importance of keeping balance between income and expenses is due.

[Anonymous]

Just say “Larla has a nice house and so do we! Our home is so close to your ice skating rink and you have your own room.” And move on.

[Anonymous]

You are way overthinking it. “Well your dad and I like this house, you get to decide what kind of house you want to live in when you grow up” is fine. And, like other pps suggested, see if she would be into a bedroom makeover of some sort

[Anonymous]

I would give a little economics lesson since she is missing several factors about "nice" and "affordable."

She should know that all that glitters is not gold; that vintage things tend to have greater value than newer cheaply made items; that many factors go into decisions about want is personally valuable; that many factors go into pricing a home that have little to do with what it looks like, etc.

You do not need to discuss your personal income or net worth, and you should teach your child not to as well. But a basic understanding is important because when your child doesn't get it, they may make comments or complaints that make them look like a clueless rich kid.