DD says she wants a nicer house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD8 has been going to friends houses and many live in very nice houses. We live in an inner suburb with primarily older houses, but she is in an activity where most of her friends live in the exurbs where there are mainly new builds. She goes over to their houses and has started saying she wished we lived in a nicer house like that. Happened again last night.

The spread between what our house would sell for and what theirs would sell for isn’t as astronomical as I’m sure she thinks. We are just in a far more desirable and practical location, making our modest home more desirable.

We bought our house in 2009 for cheap and have re-fi’d a couple times into 2.5% interest rate. Our house would sell for more than double we bought it for, but it’s such a great place to be in to have a small mortgage payment and we will have no payment before she goes to college. It’s financial freedom.

Last night when she said she wished we lived in a nicer house like that, she said she knows we can’t afford it. However, we very much could and then some. We may about $500k a year. The approach I’m taking with DD is very practical to explain why we stay … we have no debt, we can pay for college for her, we can pay for her crazy expensive activity, we can retire earlier, she won’t ever need to help us financially when we are older, etc. Is this too much info for an 8 year old? Would you explain it a different way? She’s pretty mature, so I’ve taken to just telling her how it is with a lot of things recently.

I think that’s fine. You’re being pragmatic. Another point is your short commute allows you to spend more time with her. Good time for the comparison is the thief of joy lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This actually might be the perfect time to introduce the “grass is always greener” concept.

x100000

[Anonymous]

A lot of wives are like your child in this sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of wives are like your child in this sense.

i know some husbands that are the same way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD8 has been going to friends houses and many live in very nice houses. We live in an inner suburb with primarily older houses, but she is in an activity where most of her friends live in the exurbs where there are mainly new builds. She goes over to their houses and has started saying she wished we lived in a nicer house like that. Happened again last night.

The spread between what our house would sell for and what theirs would sell for isn’t as astronomical as I’m sure she thinks. We are just in a far more desirable and practical location, making our modest home more desirable.

We bought our house in 2009 for cheap and have re-fi’d a couple times into 2.5% interest rate. Our house would sell for more than double we bought it for, but it’s such a great place to be in to have a small mortgage payment and we will have no payment before she goes to college. It’s financial freedom.

Last night when she said she wished we lived in a nicer house like that, she said she knows we can’t afford it. However, we very much could and then some. We may about $500k a year. The approach I’m taking with DD is very practical to explain why we stay … we have no debt, we can pay for college for her, we can pay for her crazy expensive activity, we can retire earlier, she won’t ever need to help us financially when we are older, etc. Is this too much info for an 8 year old? Would you explain it a different way? She’s pretty mature, so I’ve taken to just telling her how it is with a lot of things recently.

I think that’s fine. You’re being pragmatic. Another point is your short commute allows you to spend more time with her. Good time for the comparison is the thief of joy lesson.

Op here. Thank you. I did include the bit about commuting. I have to go downtown at least 3x a week (annd DH used to) and the commute would be awful at some of her friends’ houses. She also commented driving down there that it was soooooo far. Now there are some truly beautiful homes nearer to the city … those are the ones we probably can’t afford!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask her what she likes about those houses. There are some things you can't change (bigger yard or modern features) but maybe it's just that Larla has a pink room with a fluffy comforter and she wants one too.

And explain the things you can't change - yes we have a smaller yard but we bought the house because we like that we can walk to all these other parks, or whatever.

And it's ok to explain basic budgeting and tradeoffs.

Op here. Thank you. We did touch on this, but undoubtedly this will come up again, so I think it’s great to lead with that.

[Anonymous]

I think you should ask her if there’s anything she is grateful for about your house. And good time to teach her that comparison is the thief of joy. And that the vast majority of the world barely has clean running water. And then explain how it’s so much more important to donate money to make other people’s lives more bearable than to have the newest and biggest of everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of wives are like your child in this sense.

i know some husbands that are the same way

It’s almost always the women who want to keep up with the joneses

[Anonymous]

Op here… just a little context as to why I’m a little apprehensive on how to explain this. DH and I grew up with different kids of financial insecurity. My parents lived like they were rich and they weren’t. Every couple years, sh*t would hit the fan and we had no money and they did a poor job of shielding us. DH’s parents were solidly middle class and lived like they were poor. Would only buy him one pair of shoes to last an entire school year, regardless of his feet growing or them falling apart. Now as an adult, he is managing their finances and it’s been kind of eye opening that while they were never rich, they were absolutely not poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should ask her if there’s anything she is grateful for about your house. And good time to teach her that comparison is the thief of joy. And that the vast majority of the world barely has clean running water. And then explain how it’s so much more important to donate money to make other people’s lives more bearable than to have the newest and biggest of everything.

No, don’t introduce the fallacy of relative privation.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to try hard to see this less as a personal attack and more as a nascent and possibly fleeting interest in real estate/interior design.

[Anonymous]

my 10 yr old thinks we are poor and I like it that way.
Now my 13 yr old has figured it out but I remind him that He's poor. But even he's not with that 12K child transfer annually.

[Anonymous]

^^ Gads. I just realized my son has a net worth of over 100K and he's an idiot with money.

[Anonymous]

You can tell your DD we live in a two bedroom apartment with three kids. My DS is the same age your DD and commonly asks for a bigger house. His friends all have SFH with backyards.

We can’t afford it. I wish we would afford to move but we can’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t give this too much life. “Yes, isn’t Larla’s big bedroom fun! It’d be nice to live in a house like that. I’d love to have a big family room like theirs to throw parties in! There’s lots of reasons our house makes more sense for our family though - it’s close to our jobs, and your school, and let’s us live within our means so you can do fun things like riding lessons.” And if she keeps bringing it up “yes, those houses and nice, but I’ve told you why this house works better for our family and we aren’t moving” then change the conversation. She’s eight and does not need a full accounting of your finances or life choices or to get everything she wants.

This.