DD says she wants a nicer house

[Anonymous]

DD8 has been going to friends houses and many live in very nice houses. We live in an inner suburb with primarily older houses, but she is in an activity where most of her friends live in the exurbs where there are mainly new builds. She goes over to their houses and has started saying she wished we lived in a nicer house like that. Happened again last night.

The spread between what our house would sell for and what theirs would sell for isn’t as astronomical as I’m sure she thinks. We are just in a far more desirable and practical location, making our modest home more desirable.

We bought our house in 2009 for cheap and have re-fi’d a couple times into 2.5% interest rate. Our house would sell for more than double we bought it for, but it’s such a great place to be in to have a small mortgage payment and we will have no payment before she goes to college. It’s financial freedom.

Last night when she said she wished we lived in a nicer house like that, she said she knows we can’t afford it. However, we very much could and then some. We may about $500k a year. The approach I’m taking with DD is very practical to explain why we stay … we have no debt, we can pay for college for her, we can pay for her crazy expensive activity, we can retire earlier, she won’t ever need to help us financially when we are older, etc. Is this too much info for an 8 year old? Would you explain it a different way? She’s pretty mature, so I’ve taken to just telling her how it is with a lot of things recently.

[Anonymous]

She just doesn't have the long-term mindset yet to appreciate your real rationale. I would stick to near-term benefits. "We can pay for your riding lessons, and we spend so much less time on cleaning the house."

[Anonymous]

Good for her. Tell her to pursue a skill and get a job or start a business so she can buy what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She just doesn't have the long-term mindset yet to appreciate your real rationale. I would stick to near-term benefits. "We can pay for your riding lessons, and we spend so much less time on cleaning the house."

Op hers. I did try that and she said “well their parents have to pay for that too” and I think that’s how she surmised we don’t make much money. I have no issue letting her think that from an ego perspective, but I never want her to feel any type of financial insecurity from us. DH and I have both been through that (probably why we are the way we are with the house) and know how awful that feeling is.

Worth noting, she has many school friends whose houses are less “nice” than ours and that’s never once come up.

[Anonymous]

Teach her about climate justice.

Explain to her that your money pays for more important things than expensive toys, like helping girls around the world have enough food to eat and clean water to drink.

[Anonymous]

At that age I would just say "this is the house that works for our family! I love the x and the y" help her focus on what you have, not what you don't have.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t give this too much life. “Yes, isn’t Larla’s big bedroom fun! It’d be nice to live in a house like that. I’d love to have a big family room like theirs to throw parties in! There’s lots of reasons our house makes more sense for our family though - it’s close to our jobs, and your school, and let’s us live within our means so you can do fun things like riding lessons.” And if she keeps bringing it up “yes, those houses and nice, but I’ve told you why this house works better for our family and we aren’t moving” then change the conversation. She’s eight and does not need a full accounting of your finances or life choices or to get everything she wants.

[Anonymous]

Wow you are insecure. She's eight. Handle it. I grew up in a house with wallpaper peeling off the walls.

[Anonymous]

8 years old?! You don’t need to explain anything. You just say “Larla’s house is really nice, isn’t it? We’re really lucky to have this one, too.” If anything, you could ask “what kind of house do you think you’ll want when you’re a grown-up?”

[Anonymous]

This isn’t something to explain to an 8yo. Just make vague “mm hmms” when she says it or talks about the big McMansions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD8 has been going to friends houses and many live in very nice houses. We live in an inner suburb with primarily older houses, but she is in an activity where most of her friends live in the exurbs where there are mainly new builds. She goes over to their houses and has started saying she wished we lived in a nicer house like that. Happened again last night.

The spread between what our house would sell for and what theirs would sell for isn’t as astronomical as I’m sure she thinks. We are just in a far more desirable and practical location, making our modest home more desirable.

We bought our house in 2009 for cheap and have re-fi’d a couple times into 2.5% interest rate. Our house would sell for more than double we bought it for, but it’s such a great place to be in to have a small mortgage payment and we will have no payment before she goes to college. It’s financial freedom.

Last night when she said she wished we lived in a nicer house like that, she said she knows we can’t afford it. However, we very much could and then some. We may about $500k a year. The approach I’m taking with DD is very practical to explain why we stay … we have no debt, we can pay for college for her, we can pay for her crazy expensive activity, we can retire earlier, she won’t ever need to help us financially when we are older, etc. Is this too much info for an 8 year old? Would you explain it a different way? She’s pretty mature, so I’ve taken to just telling her how it is with a lot of things recently.

I love picturing OP trying to explain this to her 8 year old.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t go into all of that. I’d just say this is the house we want and you look forward to seeing what she chooses when she’s an adult. Definitely no need to talk about how you are just as well off (even richer, in fact!) than all her friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow you are insecure. She's eight. Handle it. I grew up in a house with wallpaper peeling off the walls.

Actually not at all. We are very secure. I’m asking the best way to handle it.

[Anonymous]

I think you tell her house prices depend more on location than niceness. You like yours because it’s closer to the things you guys do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t go into all of that. I’d just say this is the house we want and you look forward to seeing what she chooses when she’s an adult. Definitely no need to talk about how you are just as well off (even richer, in fact!) than all her friends.

We absolutely do not discuss income. At all or in comparison with others.