DD says she wants a nicer house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD8 has been going to friends houses and many live in very nice houses. We live in an inner suburb with primarily older houses, but she is in an activity where most of her friends live in the exurbs where there are mainly new builds. She goes over to their houses and has started saying she wished we lived in a nicer house like that. Happened again last night.

The spread between what our house would sell for and what theirs would sell for isn’t as astronomical as I’m sure she thinks. We are just in a far more desirable and practical location, making our modest home more desirable.

We bought our house in 2009 for cheap and have re-fi’d a couple times into 2.5% interest rate. Our house would sell for more than double we bought it for, but it’s such a great place to be in to have a small mortgage payment and we will have no payment before she goes to college. It’s financial freedom.

Last night when she said she wished we lived in a nicer house like that, she said she knows we can’t afford it. However, we very much could and then some. We may about $500k a year. The approach I’m taking with DD is very practical to explain why we stay … we have no debt, we can pay for college for her, we can pay for her crazy expensive activity, we can retire earlier, she won’t ever need to help us financially when we are older, etc. Is this too much info for an 8 year old? Would you explain it a different way? She’s pretty mature, so I’ve taken to just telling her how it is with a lot of things recently.

I love picturing OP trying to explain this to her 8 year old.

Op here. I don’t think it’s crazy to mention we bought our house a long time ago when things were less expensive. That’s all I said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD8 has been going to friends houses and many live in very nice houses. We live in an inner suburb with primarily older houses, but she is in an activity where most of her friends live in the exurbs where there are mainly new builds. She goes over to their houses and has started saying she wished we lived in a nicer house like that. Happened again last night.

The spread between what our house would sell for and what theirs would sell for isn’t as astronomical as I’m sure she thinks. We are just in a far more desirable and practical location, making our modest home more desirable.

We bought our house in 2009 for cheap and have re-fi’d a couple times into 2.5% interest rate. Our house would sell for more than double we bought it for, but it’s such a great place to be in to have a small mortgage payment and we will have no payment before she goes to college. It’s financial freedom.

Last night when she said she wished we lived in a nicer house like that, she said she knows we can’t afford it. However, we very much could and then some. We may about $500k a year. The approach I’m taking with DD is very practical to explain why we stay … we have no debt, we can pay for college for her, we can pay for her crazy expensive activity, we can retire earlier, she won’t ever need to help us financially when we are older, etc. Is this too much info for an 8 year old? Would you explain it a different way? She’s pretty mature, so I’ve taken to just telling her how it is with a lot of things recently.

I love picturing OP trying to explain this to her 8 year old.

Op here. I don’t think it’s crazy to mention we bought our house a long time ago when things were less expensive. That’s all I said.

To a typical 8 year old, it kind of is. But I’m sure your kid is mature beyond her years.

[Anonymous]

This actually might be the perfect time to introduce the “grass is always greener” concept.

[Anonymous]

My friend lived in a close in suburb but it was the mom who didn’t like the old house. They moved to another house just as close but it is a newer home. They have the money to do so. It sounds like you do as well.

It is common to upgrade your home. Sounds like you bought this house before kids.

You could always renovate. My friend actually considered renovating but their kitchen alone would have been over 100k. They now live in a beautiful home with a beautiful kitchen and better layout.

I grew up in a home I was not proud of. I never invited anyone over because I was ashamed of my home.

[Anonymous]

Almost any answer at her age is hard because she's looking at it as one choice is better, and if you talk about from a family values standpoint it will come close to saying that you think that the other families have bad values, and at her age if she's feeling defensive around her friends it might come out in those words even if you don't say it.

I think a really reasonable way to talk about this, that is also true and lays the groundwork for future talks about all of the reasons you mentioned is that some things are long term decisions and some things are short term decisions. This house, for your family was a long term decision and you balanced all of your needs at the time and it is still meeting them. You can throw in an adults make this type of decision for the family thing if you want or, that it's not up for further debate, depending on how "bratty" she's being about it.

Another reasonable point is that each time you sell a house there is lots of mental work and costs (in kid friendly terms) and that it's not a choice you are going to make now. If she's looking for examples of shorter term decisions, car, vacation. These are expenses but have less permanence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This actually might be the perfect time to introduce the “grass is always greener” concept.

I agree - poster who talked about long term/short term decisions.

[Anonymous]

I would just say our house and neighborhood work for our family. I would tell her all the things I love about the home.

My kids do the same. We live in an older home surrounded by new builds. I don’t complicate it. The house is works for our family. The end.

My 12 year old knows a bit more - all I’ve said is - we can afford anything we want - just not everything - we choose nice home and amazing vacations. And yes, some people can afford all of that and more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD8 has been going to friends houses and many live in very nice houses. We live in an inner suburb with primarily older houses, but she is in an activity where most of her friends live in the exurbs where there are mainly new builds. She goes over to their houses and has started saying she wished we lived in a nicer house like that. Happened again last night.

The spread between what our house would sell for and what theirs would sell for isn’t as astronomical as I’m sure she thinks. We are just in a far more desirable and practical location, making our modest home more desirable.

We bought our house in 2009 for cheap and have re-fi’d a couple times into 2.5% interest rate. Our house would sell for more than double we bought it for, but it’s such a great place to be in to have a small mortgage payment and we will have no payment before she goes to college. It’s financial freedom.

Last night when she said she wished we lived in a nicer house like that, she said she knows we can’t afford it. However, we very much could and then some. We may about $500k a year. The approach I’m taking with DD is very practical to explain why we stay … we have no debt, we can pay for college for her, we can pay for her crazy expensive activity, we can retire earlier, she won’t ever need to help us financially when we are older, etc. Is this too much info for an 8 year old? Would you explain it a different way? She’s pretty mature, so I’ve taken to just telling her how it is with a lot of things recently.

I love picturing OP trying to explain this to her 8 year old.

+1. This Op may be one of the more neurotic and insecure ones I’ve seen on this site if she’s truly struggling to handle an 8 year old. Would it kill her to admit that yes, those houses are nice but no, we’re not moving, instead of providing these complicated, defensive explanations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend lived in a close in suburb but it was the mom who didn’t like the old house. They moved to another house just as close but it is a newer home. They have the money to do so. It sounds like you do as well.

It is common to upgrade your home. Sounds like you bought this house before kids.

You could always renovate. My friend actually considered renovating but their kitchen alone would have been over 100k. They now live in a beautiful home with a beautiful kitchen and better layout.

I grew up in a home I was not proud of. I never invited anyone over because I was ashamed of my home.

Your advice sounds like you’re still that insecure kid.

[Anonymous]

Op you are a weenie lmao. Just tell your kid different families have different houses. Why is it important to you she understands how much equity you have or why your location is more desirable than square footage. Insecure goonery.

[Anonymous]

I would say that this house is what is best for your future and ours.

Out of curiosity I would ask her what she loves about her home and what parts she would seek to change.

[Anonymous]

I have an 8 year old who has on occasion made similar comments about other people having bigger houses than ours (we have family farther outside the beltway).

I’ve explained you’re right, they do have really nice homes and it’s so nice to visit. We could afford a house just like that, but not in our neighborhood. We’d have to give up walking places, going into the city often (we live right near a metro station), and would have to change schools/sports teams for us to move out there though. That shuts down the fantasy of a bigger house pretty quickly.

Also, he hates being in the car for more than 10-15 min. so when we do drive out to these places (usually along 66) he will make comments about “is this traffic?” “Why do we have to spend so long in the car.”)

I think kids this age can generally understand the concept of trade offs, so I’m okay explaining why we made the choice that we did and what that means we’re giving up vs gaining.

[Anonymous]

Ask her what she likes about those houses. There are some things you can't change (bigger yard or modern features) but maybe it's just that Larla has a pink room with a fluffy comforter and she wants one too.

And explain the things you can't change - yes we have a smaller yard but we bought the house because we like that we can walk to all these other parks, or whatever.

And it's ok to explain basic budgeting and tradeoffs.

[Anonymous]

We make a lot less and actually can't afford to move up from a house I am the one who dislikes the most, unless we basically decided to work until we die. It's definitely smaller than most of my kids' friends and my kids have mainly commented on not having a dedicated playroom or finished basement, and wishing we had more space so they could accumulate more and more toys without getting rid of any. I basically say "yeah I know, Larla's basement playroom is really neat!" and explain that even if we had a bigger house, we probably would not devote much more space to toys, which take up space in almost every room we have now! I also try to focus on how we can walk to the parks and school, and make changes to personalize and make it our own, like we recently repainted the kids room using truly garish colors they picked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At that age I would just say "this is the house that works for our family! I love the x and the y" help her focus on what you have, not what you don't have.

+1

[b]