DD says she wants a nicer house

[Anonymous]

Tell her all the truth, OP. This is what I've always done with my kids, starting in elementary. My kids took it well until my youngest's best friend moved into a veritable palace, and now, as a teen, she's having a moment of very natural house-envy.

We can afford a larger house... but we're too lazy to move, and we're environmentally-conscious about our footprint. We don't "need" to cool and heat a larger house than the tiny, well-insulated, one we have right now! It seems like a waste. Just like we don't "need" a more luxurious car than the basic Japanese sedans that we've owned since the kids were born.

But living in a society of ultra-high consumption and excess sometimes wears on the kids. It makes it easier on them if you explain your choices and your values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ Gads. I just realized my son has a net worth of over 100K and he's an idiot with money.

This is a weird flex.

I also don’t understand people who prefer their kids think they’re poor.

I grew up in a working class family and now have a 300K HHI (which I realize is “DCUM poor” but I know enough to know we are very blessed).

My kids don’t think we’re rich by any means because they see a lot of kids with bigger homes, nicer cars, fancier vacations etc. but they absolutely know we are very fortunate. We have a home in a safe, beautiful area. They attend schools they love. We have plenty of food in the house at all times. They are involved in expensive extracurriculars. They always have shoes that fit and a warm coat. We have good insurance so we can go to the doctor whenever we need.

I have absolutely talked with them about how blessed we are even if we cannot afford every single thing we’d love to have.

Some of you are destined to have your kids grow up posting on DCUM in 20 years about how “poor” they are on their 800k salary with trust fund because you have not given them a realistic understanding of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend lived in a close in suburb but it was the mom who didn’t like the old house. They moved to another house just as close but it is a newer home. They have the money to do so. It sounds like you do as well.

It is common to upgrade your home. Sounds like you bought this house before kids.

You could always renovate. My friend actually considered renovating but their kitchen alone would have been over 100k. They now live in a beautiful home with a beautiful kitchen and better layout.

I grew up in a home I was not proud of. I never invited anyone over because I was ashamed of my home.

Your advice sounds like you’re still that insecure kid.

We now live in a 10,000sf house and have a seven figure income. I always stress to my kids never to make other feel bad when they live in more modest homes.

My parents still live in a very modest house.

As soon as I got to college, my place was the hang out place. My friends were always over. I have 3 kids and we are the hang out house. I love hosting and having friends over.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. DH and I both come from humble backgrounds. DH is obsessed with financial security. Our retirement and kids college funds are fully funded. We would not choose being house poor over financial security. It sounds like OP could upgrade their home. Everyone I know has moved at least once since having kids. My oldest is in high school now. Lots of people move when kids are in elementary, especially from inner city or close in suburbs for more space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. DH and I both come from humble backgrounds. DH is obsessed with financial security. Our retirement and kids college funds are fully funded. We would not choose being house poor over financial security. It sounds like OP could upgrade their home. Everyone I know has moved at least once since having kids. My oldest is in high school now. Lots of people move when kids are in elementary, especially from inner city or close in suburbs for more space.

Op here. We definitely could. But even my 8 year old says it’s enough space. It’s only 2500 SF but for 2 adults and 1 kid, it’s plenty. We have 2 rooms that barely get used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here… just a little context as to why I’m a little apprehensive on how to explain this. DH and I grew up with different kids of financial insecurity. My parents lived like they were rich and they weren’t. Every couple years, sh*t would hit the fan and we had no money and they did a poor job of shielding us. DH’s parents were solidly middle class and lived like they were poor. Would only buy him one pair of shoes to last an entire school year, regardless of his feet growing or them falling apart. Now as an adult, he is managing their finances and it’s been kind of eye opening that while they were never rich, they were absolutely not poor.

Ah, this is why you are concerned. Kids always want what their friends have. Your job as a parent is to be secure in your decisions. You do not have to convince your 8 year old of the logic of your reasoning. Tell her that your house is what works for your family. Ask her what she likes about her friends houses and ask her what is her favorite thing about her friends house.

You have made a thoughtful balanced decision about what is best for your family. You can explain your reasoning in more detail as your DD gets older, more able to understand money matters and have better control over repeating everything you say to her friends parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should ask her if there’s anything she is grateful for about your house. And good time to teach her that comparison is the thief of joy. And that the vast majority of the world barely has clean running water. And then explain how it’s so much more important to donate money to make other people’s lives more bearable than to have the newest and biggest of everything.

This. Our (and I say our because I'm in the same boat) kids really need to know that our lives are not the the norm. Not only do we need to appreciate what we have, but we have to work to make the world a better place for those that don't have as much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. DH and I both come from humble backgrounds. DH is obsessed with financial security. Our retirement and kids college funds are fully funded. We would not choose being house poor over financial security. It sounds like OP could upgrade their home. Everyone I know has moved at least once since having kids. My oldest is in high school now. Lots of people move when kids are in elementary, especially from inner city or close in suburbs for more space.

Op here. We definitely could. But even my 8 year old says it’s enough space. It’s only 2500 SF but for 2 adults and 1 kid, it’s plenty. We have 2 rooms that barely get used.

We are the big house. My kids all complain that they don’t have kids running around. There is a townhouse community where a few of their friends live and they love going there. My son recently said he wished he lived there instead of ours because those kids can just walk outside and play with tons of kids.

A few kids have called our house a mansion. We have a large playroom and the entire basement is for the kids. My kids would rather run around that townhouse community playground.

[Anonymous]

We have two gorgeous homes but mine was telling me that his classmates have pools and we do not. Mine was older, so we explained that our homes fit our needs perfectly. We also told him that, as an adult, he'll get a chance to buy the home of his dreams with a pool, so he needs to work hard to accomplish that.

[Anonymous]

If she's as practical as you think, show her the "zestimate" on Zillow for your inside the beltway house vs the Herndon/Loudoun County houses her riding friends live in. She'll be surprised to see that your home is likely worth far more than her friends' Ashburn homes. I mean, I get it, OP, we moved from inside the beltway to outside and the house we bought is three times the size of the houses we were looking at in our old neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

"I look forward to visiting you someday in a large and beautiful home" That's what I would have said. And that's all.

Imho, it's ridiculous to take what they say so seriously and be embarrassed in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's as practical as you think, show her the "zestimate" on Zillow for your inside the beltway house vs the Herndon/Loudoun County houses her riding friends live in. She'll be surprised to see that your home is likely worth far more than her friends' Ashburn homes. I mean, I get it, OP, we moved from inside the beltway to outside and the house we bought is three times the size of the houses we were looking at in our old neighborhood.

Oh my god, no. Do not do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. DH and I both come from humble backgrounds. DH is obsessed with financial security. Our retirement and kids college funds are fully funded. We would not choose being house poor over financial security. It sounds like OP could upgrade their home. Everyone I know has moved at least once since having kids. My oldest is in high school now. Lots of people move when kids are in elementary, especially from inner city or close in suburbs for more space.

Op here. We definitely could. But even my 8 year old says it’s enough space. It’s only 2500 SF but for 2 adults and 1 kid, it’s plenty. We have 2 rooms that barely get used.

We are the big house. My kids all complain that they don’t have kids running around. There is a townhouse community where a few of their friends live and they love going there. My son recently said he wished he lived there instead of ours because those kids can just walk outside and play with tons of kids.

A few kids have called our house a mansion. We have a large playroom and the entire basement is for the kids. My kids would rather run around that townhouse community playground.

Same we live in a large house and there aren't any kids around - I regret choosing this house over more affordable, but smaller homes in the popular neighborhood that most of our school families live in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have two gorgeous homes but mine was telling me that his classmates have pools and we do not. Mine was older, so we explained that our homes fit our needs perfectly. We also told him that, as an adult, he'll get a chance to buy the home of his dreams with a pool, so he needs to work hard to accomplish that.

I’m the pp with a 10,000sf house. We also don’t have a pool. My kids have complained over all sorts of things over the years including not having a pool, not being close to a playground, not having a dog, having a screen time limit. I just tell them every family is different. I don’t think I give explanations or reasons.

I grew up in a humble home. I quietly liked others’ homes. I gathered all the little things I liked and now have the home I want. I wanted a giant kitchen and giant play space for my kids.

My kids may want something different, like a townhouse with a playground or a house with a pool. I think one kid wants to live somewhere to dock a boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t something to explain to an 8yo. Just make vague “mm hmms” when she says it or talks about the big McMansions.

+10000