"Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo

[Anonymous]

Next three day weekend schedule a three day mommy and son outing and be up his @ss for three days. Tell him he needs to speak to you more respectfully otherwise you think your relationship is falling apart and the three day weekends will continue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How should I respond when my 14yo who loves to pick fights with me says "Your, not the boss of me" or "Make me" when I tell him something? Looking for more productive ways than my usual - do it or lose your phone.....

Stop acting like a cliched boss, and treat your child like a young adult becoming a partner in the household.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Learn to look at ParentVue once or twice a week instead of looking at your teen's dashboard. Start separating yourself from their day to day workload. You shouldn't be in charge of it in any way at this point. Your kid isn't 7 anymore. Check ParentVue for any missing assignments. You can write them on a Post It and give it to teen. But let him figure it out for himself. Let him rise to the challenge, and ask for help. It isn't "make me" now, it's "make yourself".

Just remember that ParentVue is often not up to date so don’t leap to conclusions if it appears that work is missing or whatever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Complete parenting failure.

I can't comment on OP, but ADHD parenting can be next level. You'd be surprised what some parents have to deal with. Most parents - maybe you too - would be completely out of their depth.

Teacher here. Some kids truly have a medical condition of ADHD. And some kids were just never parented properly. And it can be hard to tell the difference without a lot of testing, observation, and proven strategies.

You can absolutely tell the difference between the kids who know they have a disability and work hard around it and use their accommodations and appreciate when you help them by extending deadlines, helping them organize papers, etc. and the kids who think they can get away with anything and don’t have to try because “I have adhd / an IEP.” And you can definitely tell which one is OP’s kid.

[Anonymous]

If my kid said this to me, I’d reply “You are correct. I’m not the boss of you. You are in charge of yourself. And, you are the one who will deal with the consequence that we have already discussed if X does/does not happen.” I have found it VERY important to set expectations and consequences IN ADVANCE. And then let the kid conduct himself/herself accordingly. Don’t nag. Don’t remind. Be prepared to enforce the consequences consistently and in an unemotional manner. You cannot have an emotional response.

[Anonymous]

PP here — I’d also add that the fewer words you use the better. Don’t turn a heated moment into a lecture. If he continues to poke at you, bite your tongue. Literally. Go to another room if you need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How should I respond when my 14yo who loves to pick fights with me says "Your, not the boss of me" or "Make me" when I tell him something? Looking for more productive ways than my usual - do it or lose your phone.....

I'm not? I think you'll find I am and I can prove that if you want? Or you can not act like a child and make your argument for what you want/discuss the issue like the young person you are and we'll have a discussion.

If persists in the childish, I would shut that sh--- down. And i'm not a hard a$$ by any stretch. But it would be no phone. No social. No rides. Just the basics.