"Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is “it” exactly? Homework, pick up his room or what. Maybe if you explain we can offer better suggestions.

Yesterday, it was because I was telling him he needed to start his HW. He is a dramatic ADHD kid.

I have this kid too. I'd fire right back with "So get it done and show you're in charge responsibly. That is when I'll back off. Until then, I will keep on you"

+1 My kid can also see that sibling (one grade older) doesn’t have these battles- because that child no longer needs reminders. I’m happy to back off once they prove they can handle things responsibly on their own - until then, they will be monitored/reminded

[Anonymous]

https://www.amazon.com/How-Raise-Kids-Want-Keep/dp/140220745X

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re not the boss of me? A 14 year old says that?

My 50 year old husband says this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an argumentative kid like that. I say things back like - we can have a roommate situation whenever you want. That means you need to be responsible for 1/4 of the upkeep and expenses of the house including the mortgage and food. As roommates, we need to split up house responsibilities and have common rules for living together. Are your ready for that or will you be finding your own place?

Be careful with this one. There are actually plenty of groups who will help your kid “escape” from this terrible how life situation. And by the time he realizes how good he had it, you’ll have a whole new set of issues to contend with and it may be too late.

I’d go with “I’m not going to make you. I’m going to give you a choice to do what I’ve asked or not. If you do it, then I’d appreciate it and you’ll get to keep your phone service that your dad and I have generously paid for you to have. If you don’t, you’ll lose the phone entirely. It’s your choice.”
But either way, I’d remove phone privileges orngaming privileges for at least 48 hours for using that tantrum-toddler language and tone with me. It isn’t necessary and you don’t need to tolerate that.
Just don’t lose your cool, OP.
Keep you voice firm and low and unemotional. Let him be the overreactor here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is “it” exactly? Homework, pick up his room or what. Maybe if you explain we can offer better suggestions.

Yesterday, it was because I was telling him he needed to start his HW. He is a dramatic ADHD kid.

Np—think he does this as a delay tactic. He probably reasons that anything is better than starting his homework so why not pick a fight.
I also think you may have taken his bait one too many times instead of shutting it down.
Next time just tell him “that’s not appropriate. You wouldn’t speak that way to your teacher and it’s not okay to speak that way to me either.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not the boss of me? A 14 year old says that?

My 50 year old husband says this.

Well he’s right. You’re not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not the boss of me? A 14 year old says that?

My 50 year old husband says this.

But, in his case, it really isn't true, or at least, I hope not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lose your phone and your computer and all electronics and everything that gives pleasure for long enough to know that you are, in fact, the boss of him.

Don't cave in. Make it hurt.

This works for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lose your phone and your computer and all electronics and everything that gives pleasure for long enough to know that you are, in fact, the boss of him.
Don't cave in. Make it hurt.

This works for me.

NP here. Glad this works for you. With our ADHD 14yo, losing phone/computer/electronics would lead to school refusal. Ask me how I know. With some teen boys, you need to tread carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is “it” exactly? Homework, pick up his room or what. Maybe if you explain we can offer better suggestions.

Yesterday, it was because I was telling him he needed to start his HW. He is a dramatic ADHD kid.

Why are you telling him when to do his work? Its his responsibility

[Anonymous]

When my kids pulled this crap, their cell phone accounts were suspended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ “LMK when you’re ready to try that again.”

Yes, this is a good one. Then walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How should I respond when my 14yo who loves to pick fights with me says "Your, not the boss of me" or "Make me" when I tell him something? Looking for more productive ways than my usual - do it or lose your phone.....

“I brought you into this world, I can take you OUT of it.”

Bill Cosby may be a lecherous felon but that was a great line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah that’s it give me your phone.

That’s just lazy parenting unless the argument has something to do with the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lose your phone and your computer and all electronics and everything that gives pleasure for long enough to know that you are, in fact, the boss of him.

Don't cave in. Make it hurt.

This works for me.

Parental tantrums and footstomping behavior are ineffective and actually lead to the type of teen defiance on display.