"Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo

[Anonymous]

None of the antics will stop this behavior.

Lots of tough talk with no substance.

[Anonymous]

Your tone tells me something is off. Let's discuss it and figure out what happened

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lose your phone and your computer and all electronics and everything that gives pleasure for long enough to know that you are, in fact, the boss of him.

Don't cave in. Make it hurt.

This works for me.

Parental tantrums and footstomping behavior are ineffective and actually lead to the type of teen defiance on display.

You mean being an actual parent? Is that what we're calling it these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lose your phone and your computer and all electronics and everything that gives pleasure for long enough to know that you are, in fact, the boss of him.

Don't cave in. Make it hurt.

This works for me.

Parental tantrums and footstomping behavior are ineffective and actually lead to the type of teen defiance on display.

You mean being an actual parent? Is that what we're calling it these days?

The best parenting doesn’t involve tantrums.

Model the behavior you want to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not the boss of me? A 14 year old says that?

My 50 year old husband says this.

That’s legitimately pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah that’s it give me your phone.

That’s just lazy parenting unless the argument has something to do with the phone.

You are impressively wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lose your phone and your computer and all electronics and everything that gives pleasure for long enough to know that you are, in fact, the boss of him.

Don't cave in. Make it hurt.

This works for me.

Parental tantrums and footstomping behavior are ineffective and actually lead to the type of teen defiance on display.

You mean being an actual parent? Is that what we're calling it these days?

That isn’t “being a parent.” That is “reacting immaturely to being challenged” and lashing out. If your kids behave like OP’s, it’s almost certainly a reflection of shitty parenting behaviors like this. Doing things like confiscating phones for back talking/rude behavior? Ineffective tactics that just demonstrate the parents doesn’t know what they’re doing. Only really bad parents take this approach (and then announce they’re “being a parent”).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah that’s it give me your phone.

That’s just lazy parenting unless the argument has something to do with the phone.

You are impressively wrong.

You are impressively clueless. But I am sure you are rarely in doubt…

[Anonymous]

I think taking the phone would make it unsafe, you can't track for safety if they go missing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think taking the phone would make it unsafe, you can't track for safety if they go missing.

My gut reaction to this statement is that it's a bit overkill, but then I realized that I check on my 15 yr old's location on her phone sometimes on life360, but she has high anxiety and freezes up in an emergency situation. The term "frozen in fear" applies to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think taking the phone would make it unsafe, you can't track for safety if they go missing.

Teens existed for thousands of years without having their movements tracked, you know. What are you so frightened of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think taking the phone would make it unsafe, you can't track for safety if they go missing.

I just lock most of the apps on the phone.

[Anonymous]

Put his mobile line on hold and change the wifi password.

[Anonymous]

The time to teach this was years ago. Sounds like neither of you are used to imposing consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think taking the phone would make it unsafe, you can't track for safety if they go missing.

My gut reaction to this statement is that it's a bit overkill, but then I realized that I check on my 15 yr old's location on her phone sometimes on life360, but she has high anxiety and freezes up in an emergency situation. The term "frozen in fear" applies to her.

I'm sorry to hear this.
I hope you're both working with therapists to get the anxiety under control.

It sends a mixed message "go out in the world, it's safe, but let me track your location on your phone because it's dangerous."