"Your not the boss of me" "Make me"- How to respond to 14yo

[Anonymous]

How should I respond when my 14yo who loves to pick fights with me says "Your, not the boss of me" or "Make me" when I tell him something? Looking for more productive ways than my usual - do it or lose your phone.....

[Anonymous]

that's one bold f'ker, isn't he?

[Anonymous]

You’re not the boss of me? A 14 year old says that?

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a 4 year old, not a 14 year old.

[Anonymous]

Yeah that’s it give me your phone.

[Anonymous]

"I never try to be your boss. I'm your parent. If I were your boss you would've been fired already."

"I don't have to try to make you. I tell you the expectation and the natural consequence if you don't meet it."

[Anonymous]

This sounds really strange and immature for a 14yo. Seems like something a 5yo would say. I’d laugh and send him to collect his electronics to hand in to me, and then send him to his room. Likely ground him through the rest of the week/weekend too.

[Anonymous]

What is “it” exactly? Homework, pick up his room or what. Maybe if you explain we can offer better suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I never try to be your boss. I'm your parent. If I were your boss you would've been fired already."

"I don't have to try to make you. I tell you the expectation and the natural consequence if you don't meet it."

+1

[Anonymous]

"The hell I'm not"

No words for the "make me". That's a toddler response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is “it” exactly? Homework, pick up his room or what. Maybe if you explain we can offer better suggestions.

Yesterday, it was because I was telling him he needed to start his HW. He is a dramatic ADHD kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I never try to be your boss. I'm your parent. If I were your boss you would've been fired already."

"I don't have to try to make you. I tell you the expectation and the natural consequence if you don't meet it."

Natural consequences would be: eat food in your room, our house will get roaches and mice. Don't do homework, you'll get bad grades. Be mean to your sister, your sister won't want to talk to you any more. For a kid who doesn't care about pests or grades, and just wants their little sister to leave them alone, natural consequences would be no deterrent.

[Anonymous]

I have an argumentative kid like that. I say things back like - we can have a roommate situation whenever you want. That means you need to be responsible for 1/4 of the upkeep and expenses of the house including the mortgage and food. As roommates, we need to split up house responsibilities and have common rules for living together. Are your ready for that or will you be finding your own place?

[Anonymous]

Lose your phone and your computer and all electronics and everything that gives pleasure for long enough to know that you are, in fact, the boss of him.

Don't cave in. Make it hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an argumentative kid like that. I say things back like - we can have a roommate situation whenever you want. That means you need to be responsible for 1/4 of the upkeep and expenses of the house including the mortgage and food. As roommates, we need to split up house responsibilities and have common rules for living together. Are your ready for that or will you be finding your own place?

This is a good one.

"You want to be treated like an equal and an adult, then you can have all the adult responsibilities that go with it."

I've also said to my kids that they are minors, and according to the government, I am the boss of them since I'm responsible for them.