Predict DW's response when I tell her I would like her to lose some weight

[Anonymous]

have you offered to exercise with her? Cook healthy meals?
I'd start there before "hey you got really fat."

[Anonymous]

Dan Savage once said that part of being a good partner is staying within 10% of the weight you were when you met. I've always made that a goal for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dan Savage once said that part of being a good partner is staying within 10% of the weight you were when you met. I've always made that a goal for myself.

And what about your partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dan Savage once said that part of being a good partner is staying within 10% of the weight you were when you met. I've always made that a goal for myself.

And what about your partner?[/quote

My partner prioritizes enjoying food more than meeting a weight goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dan Savage once said that part of being a good partner is staying within 10% of the weight you were when you met. I've always made that a goal for myself.

And what about your partner?

That's the point. If your partner isn't staying within 10% (with good reason), then they're not being a good partner. Kind of on par with not sharing chores equally, contributing to the household, listening and being kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dan Savage once said that part of being a good partner is staying within 10% of the weight you were when you met. I've always made that a goal for myself.

Why is that part of being a good partner?

I don’t get it. My husband is unhappy with my weight. I have gained about 20% of what I weighed when we got married (160 lbs - 190 lbs ; 5’8”). I gained it during pregnancies, but my youngest is in fourth grade.

But we have a good sex life, and I know he finds me attractive. I am overall active (just ran four miles this morning and went on a long hike in the woods with DD yesterday). My health is good.

I find it uncomfortable to lose weight and maintain it. I don’t really want to live that way. I don’t get what the big deal is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Let's see ...

I did not post about this previously

My BMI is 21.

Other than around pregnancy, hers was always around 23-24, but it incrased in the past couple years to 27-28. that's official overweight.

To the people who said things like "it's her body", get a grip. I didn't say I was going to try to force her to lose weight, and I'm not trying to "control" her body, just that I would tell her that's what I would like.

To the people who think looks don't matter, stop projecting, or examine your own preferences more closely. They matter to many people. Maybe not weight to everyone, maybe other aspects of appearance to some people. But they matter. And I don't see anything wrong with that. I try to stay attractive to her, and I want her to try for me.

Yes, she knows she's gained weight. Of course she knows. But she's not trying to lose it. If I tell her I would like her to, maybe that would help motivate her.

Do I have a plan? Sure, I have ideas, but I doubt she'd listen to me. Again, I'm mainly hoping this could motivate her.

I've never said this sort of thing to her before. Never needed to. After the pregnancies, she lost the weight. And beyond that, she generally maintained it.

I don't think time is a barrier. She has enough time to lose weight.

If she's actively working on it and progressing, okay. I wouldn't encourage a fast weight loss anyway; that would lead her to put it right back on.

I don't have droopy balls, but that would be out of my control, just like her wrinkles are out of her control and I would not say anything aobut that. But weight is controllable.

What is her height and weight? Since you know her bmi, you have that information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dan Savage once said that part of being a good partner is staying within 10% of the weight you were when you met. I've always made that a goal for myself.

And what about your partner?

That's the point. If your partner isn't staying within 10% (with good reason), then they're not being a good partner. Kind of on par with not sharing chores equally, contributing to the household, listening and being kind.

This is crazy. Going from 130 to 145 over the course of a marriage is not “bad partner”-level behavior. Obviously there is a line towards serious obesity where it’s a health concern but 10% if you are starting young and thin is not reasonable. You could easily still be under 25 bmi and have gained 10% from your starting weight - is that being a bad partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As if she doesn’t know this about herself.

You think she doesn't know OP??
You think she doesn't own a mirror??
You don't think that SHE doesn't want to lose that weight??
You don't think she hates herself for gaining it??
You don't think the extra weight is killing her self esteem??

God, you are a total moron.

Nothing you say to her will come as a shock... the only shock I hope that occurs, is the look on your face when she tells you she's leaving you for being such a self-centered, vapid, shallow, egotistical moron.

Or ... she may prefer he body as it is and/or love it just the same as before, and is learning not to give a sh&t about her DH thinks ...

I still don’t know a woman that loves being fat. They may not be willing to make changes but still don’t not like how they look.

[Anonymous]

OP, please let us know how your body handles perimenopause. Of course, then you wouldn't need our advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As if she doesn’t know this about herself.

You think she doesn't know OP??
You think she doesn't own a mirror??
You don't think that SHE doesn't want to lose that weight??
You don't think she hates herself for gaining it??
You don't think the extra weight is killing her self esteem??

God, you are a total moron.

Nothing you say to her will come as a shock... the only shock I hope that occurs, is the look on your face when she tells you she's leaving you for being such a self-centered, vapid, shallow, egotistical moron.

Or ... she may prefer he body as it is and/or love it just the same as before, and is learning not to give a sh&t about her DH thinks ...

I still don’t know a woman that loves being fat. They may not be willing to make changes but still don’t not like how they look.

Someone with a 26 BMI is not fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dan Savage once said that part of being a good partner is staying within 10% of the weight you were when you met. I've always made that a goal for myself.

And what about your partner?

That's the point. If your partner isn't staying within 10% (with good reason), then they're not being a good partner. Kind of on par with not sharing chores equally, contributing to the household, listening and being kind.

You just aren't very smart. I had to say it. You and Dan Savage know nothing about the human body, especially the female body. Especially the female body that has ever given birth. Or entered menopause. Or any other number of very normal things that change body chemistry, composition, and weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As if she doesn’t know this about herself.

You think she doesn't know OP??
You think she doesn't own a mirror??
You don't think that SHE doesn't want to lose that weight??
You don't think she hates herself for gaining it??
You don't think the extra weight is killing her self esteem??

God, you are a total moron.

Nothing you say to her will come as a shock... the only shock I hope that occurs, is the look on your face when she tells you she's leaving you for being such a self-centered, vapid, shallow, egotistical moron.

Or ... she may prefer he body as it is and/or love it just the same as before, and is learning not to give a sh&t about her DH thinks ...

I still don’t know a woman that loves being fat. They may not be willing to make changes but still don’t not like how they look.

Someone with a 26 BMI is not fat.

I feel fat when my bmi is 23+

[Anonymous]

lol, yes Op, go ahead. Please update us how it went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dan Savage once said that part of being a good partner is staying within 10% of the weight you were when you met. I've always made that a goal for myself.

And what about your partner?

That's the point. If your partner isn't staying within 10% (with good reason), then they're not being a good partner. Kind of on par with not sharing chores equally, contributing to the household, listening and being kind.

This is crazy. Going from 130 to 145 over the course of a marriage is not “bad partner”-level behavior. Obviously there is a line towards serious obesity where it’s a health concern but 10% if you are starting young and thin is not reasonable. You could easily still be under 25 bmi and have gained 10% from your starting weight - is that being a bad partner?

I feel like Dan was maybe a little tight with that number, but over 20% and you're starting to push it. Eat healthy and there's no way you shouldn't be able to stay within 20%.