No-show at kids' bday party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s one person. And now you know that this person is flaky so they don’t get invited to these types of parties.

+1 just don’t dwell

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids and have hosted 20 parties. Minus 2 parties, every single party I have hosted have kids unable to come for various reasons. Some got the date wrong. Some are sick. Some have family visiting. Some just no show. I have had people also bring uninvited siblings or last minute RSVPs and less common show up without RSVPing at all.

It happens.

+1. I have three kids. All of the above happens. Assume positive intentions.

I also have 3 kids and have seen a lot of stuff come up at kid parties. And yeah, it happens. It’s not anything to get super upset about, especially as a one off, but most people are at least going to make a mental note if someone flakes and doesn’t even apologize.

We invited one kid to my DD’s party who no show’d. I then heard from a friend that the kid unexpectedly showed up at her kid’s party without RSVPing. I’ve had a few other flakey encounters with the parents. So they definitely have earned a reputation for being like this.

I really drill it in my kids to honor commitments (to RSVPs, sports games, etc.) and to always thank the host when they’re invited somewhere. We show up on time and apologize if we miss something for some reason. Being respectful of others is important to us. My kids are the picked friend for a lot of invites, and I do think being a reliable family has a lot to do with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like folks who blow things off never hosted a kids birthday party. Not like glorified play date at the house but something at a venue.

Really? I was thinking the opposite. That OP doesn’t host a lot of parties or events and kind of blew this out of proportion.

Yeah my rule is as follows - birthdays are fun. I am not hosting any event that is not going to be fun for me and I’m not letting anything ruin my fun. That means not booking any venue that feels too “high stakes” where the day is ruined if if someone doesn’t show or it rains or whatever. And telling my kids that we are gonna have a blast whether the whole class comes or just the four of us. And remembering that there is a wide range of human behavior and most of it is not intended as an insult to me. attitude makes all the difference. For these special occasions you really just have to choose to have a good time.

It seems like it would be exhausting to keep score of all these little grievances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like folks who blow things off never hosted a kids birthday party. Not like glorified play date at the house but something at a venue.

Really? I was thinking the opposite. That OP doesn’t host a lot of parties or events and kind of blew this out of proportion.

Yeah my rule is as follows - birthdays are fun. I am not hosting any event that is not going to be fun for me and I’m not letting anything ruin my fun. That means not booking any venue that feels too “high stakes” where the day is ruined if if someone doesn’t show or it rains or whatever. And telling my kids that we are gonna have a blast whether the whole class comes or just the four of us. And remembering that there is a wide range of human behavior and most of it is not intended as an insult to me. attitude makes all the difference. For these special occasions you really just have to choose to have a good time.

It seems like it would be exhausting to keep score of all these little grievances.

OP didn't say the day was ruined. Just that she was annoyed. And it's really not hard to remember things like this. Most people have enough brain cells to keep track of lots of bits of information that can be recalled when needed. So, store this nugget of information for when the next party rolls around.

[Anonymous]

I just went to a kid birthday party yesterday at a venue. The whole family was invited. I RSVPed for 4, thinking I would go with my 3 kids. At the last minute, DH got off work early and he and my oldest son went mountain biking, so I only showed up with 3 of us.
I didn’t really think to communicate to the host or apologize.

I don’t think I’m used to this super limited venue.

8 kids seems like an odd number too. It’s very possible that you invited all but 2-3 boys from the class. It’s possible that you were the rude one, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 kids and have hosted 20 parties. Minus 2 parties, every single party I have hosted have kids unable to come for various reasons. Some got the date wrong. Some are sick. Some have family visiting. Some just no show. I have had people also bring uninvited siblings or last minute RSVPs and less common show up without RSVPing at all.

It happens.

Bringing extra people is seriously rude. I can't even imagine just bringing a sibling to a party uninvited. What goes through someone's head when they do that? Oh my kid is bored I'll just bring them along?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just went to a kid birthday party yesterday at a venue. The whole family was invited. I RSVPed for 4, thinking I would go with my 3 kids. At the last minute, DH got off work early and he and my oldest son went mountain biking, so I only showed up with 3 of us.
I didn’t really think to communicate to the host or apologize.

I don’t think I’m used to this super limited venue.

8 kids seems like an odd number too. It’s very possible that you invited all but 2-3 boys from the class. It’s possible that you were the rude one, OP.

I thought we were supposed to assume the best? Why would you assume the worst intentions of OP?

[Anonymous]

You’re not wrong to be annoyed. This is rude.

That said, there’s not much you can do. This is stuff is definitely noted though. I wouldn’t invite this kid to anything that costs money in the future. House play dates, but no venue activities. It’s not even taking it out on the kid, it’s accepting his parents limitations and accommodating the friend anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things happen and it’s just a birthday party. Start doing them at home and be flexible on guest list and times, you’ll be a happier person for it.

This.

[Anonymous]

Now you know never to invite them again.

[Anonymous]

Just wait until sports schedules impact attendance.

[Anonymous]

I am pretty laid back and I find this inconsiderate. That's a smallish party so I am assuming this is a good friend and that you know the parent. I wouldn't write someone off the first time, but it's pretty rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just went to a kid birthday party yesterday at a venue. The whole family was invited. I RSVPed for 4, thinking I would go with my 3 kids. At the last minute, DH got off work early and he and my oldest son went mountain biking, so I only showed up with 3 of us.
I didn’t really think to communicate to the host or apologize.

I don’t think I’m used to this super limited venue.

8 kids seems like an odd number too. It’s very possible that you invited all but 2-3 boys from the class. It’s possible that you were the rude one, OP.

Wow, you invented a whole thing to get mad at OP about. Probably par for the course for someone who is happy to let their oldest son blow off the party he’s accepted for, if he gets a better offer.

Really, really, rude. If you accept you go, unless you’re sick or there’s an actual emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is very important to you is not very important to everyone else. Take a step back. You chose a "not cheap" venue, this guest did not ask to be invited.

Huh?

What don't you get? OP is acting like this family did something terribly wrong. Of course OP wanted their kid to have a good party, but sometimes things come up. This party didn't hold the same importance to the guest as it does to OP. She needs to move on. These things happen.

It's incredibly poor manners to just not show up. It's not really about "importance." And most people realize that if you're booking a venue, it costs a set amount. Your kid's place could have gone to another kid. Good grief. It's basic etiquette -- and to your point, you're telegraphing to the family that their event/kids party is of little importance, which is kinda mean!!

You and the OP have no idea why the parent did not bring the kid. Her first response is to be annoyed and condemn the guest instead of thinking hmm, hope everything is ok.. and understand if there's a reason why they are sharing why they weren't there. Things happen in families that are private.

+1000 It could have been an extremely sensitive issue that the parent did not feel comfortable explaining in more detail. Here's an anecdote. One time my sister was hosting a b-day party for one of my nieces at a not cheap venue and niece's best friend was a total no show. Niece and my sister were peeved but didn't press the issue with the girl's parents. Sister found out months later someone in the girl's family had a suicide attempt the morning of the party. Good thing my sister didn't give in to a bad impulse to send a text conveying how peeved she was! OK now I know that is extreme and unlikely most of the time, but it shows you that you just never know!

I think someone in that situation would just say there was a family emergency (either before or after the party) and then as the host I think you extend them the grace that they really had to miss the event without asking for further details.

As someone who was raised in a very dysfunctional family, there are times where we would never have done that for fear of follow-up questions. It might seem easy to you, but you're not in their shoes.

Frankly you’re the type of person we like to avoid, so your lack of communication would have communicated that to us.

+1 though it is not something I can say out loud! Separately, we have friends with kids in daycare who get sick all the time and have to cancel plans the night before or morning of. So now we know to not invite them unless it is a group event. Not worth the disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just went to a kid birthday party yesterday at a venue. The whole family was invited. I RSVPed for 4, thinking I would go with my 3 kids. At the last minute, DH got off work early and he and my oldest son went mountain biking, so I only showed up with 3 of us.
I didn’t really think to communicate to the host or apologize.

I don’t think I’m used to this super limited venue.

8 kids seems like an odd number too. It’s very possible that you invited all but 2-3 boys from the class. It’s possible that you were the rude one, OP.

So you’re teaching your child that if something comes up that they’d rather do it’s ok to no show to something you RSVP’d yes for? And then you’re fabricating some totally unsupported scenario in which OP’s kid left out just a couple boys from class.