No-show at kids' bday party

[Anonymous]

We missed a party once because we got the date mixed up. Had no idea until the next day when we showed up ready to party.

Apologized profusely - what else is there to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is very important to you is not very important to everyone else. Take a step back. You chose a "not cheap" venue, this guest did not ask to be invited.

Wtf?!?

If that was the case, and the guest didn’t want to go, they could have declined.

[Anonymous]

You've learned to send a reminder next time, with a request to let you know asap if a child can't make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is very important to you is not very important to everyone else. Take a step back. You chose a "not cheap" venue, this guest did not ask to be invited.

Huh?

What don't you get? OP is acting like this family did something terribly wrong. Of course OP wanted their kid to have a good party, but sometimes things come up. This party didn't hold the same importance to the guest as it does to OP. She needs to move on. These things happen.

It's incredibly poor manners to just not show up. It's not really about "importance." And most people realize that if you're booking a venue, it costs a set amount. Your kid's place could have gone to another kid. Good grief. It's basic etiquette -- and to your point, you're telegraphing to the family that their event/kids party is of little importance, which is kinda mean!!

This. It’s really poor etiquette. To the people writing it off as “just a kid’s party” would you be okay if this was a dinner party? Or if someone bought group tickets to a show? Or what about a 1:1 park play date? Do you think it’s ok to make plans with people and then just no show with nothing more than an after the fact “sorry to miss?”

Having good manners shows respect for others. I’d be really hesitant to make any plans going forward with that child because I would know the parents don’t value my family’s time and effort in hosting their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I booked a not-cheap venue with an 8-kid limit. It was hard for my DS to choose, but he kept it small - and then one kid didn't show up. No word from the parent, nothing. Another kid could have used the spot. This morning, the mom just breezily texted, sorry to miss it. Uhh? Am I wrongly annoyed? I'm kinda annoyed!

No, it's rude and the mom is self centered.

We have missed parties for illness and scheduling mix ups. I always tried to let people know in advance, and I also apologized a lot. Regardless of the expense, there is a child celebrating their birthday who was excited to welcome some guests. It's rude and thoughtless to act like it didn't matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, this is incredibly rude. PP who is defending Ghoster is either to Ghoster or Ghosts.

I am one of the defender PPs and I do not ghost but I do extend grace and give people the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is very important to you is not very important to everyone else. Take a step back. You chose a "not cheap" venue, this guest did not ask to be invited.

Huh?

What don't you get? OP is acting like this family did something terribly wrong. Of course OP wanted their kid to have a good party, but sometimes things come up. This party didn't hold the same importance to the guest as it does to OP. She needs to move on. These things happen.

It's incredibly poor manners to just not show up. It's not really about "importance." And most people realize that if you're booking a venue, it costs a set amount. Your kid's place could have gone to another kid. Good grief. It's basic etiquette -- and to your point, you're telegraphing to the family that their event/kids party is of little importance, which is kinda mean!!

You and the OP have no idea why the parent did not bring the kid. Her first response is to be annoyed and condemn the guest instead of thinking hmm, hope everything is ok.. and understand if there's a reason why they are sharing why they weren't there. Things happen in families that are private.

+1000 It could have been an extremely sensitive issue that the parent did not feel comfortable explaining in more detail. Here's an anecdote. One time my sister was hosting a b-day party for one of my nieces at a not cheap venue and niece's best friend was a total no show. Niece and my sister were peeved but didn't press the issue with the girl's parents. Sister found out months later someone in the girl's family had a suicide attempt the morning of the party. Good thing my sister didn't give in to a bad impulse to send a text conveying how peeved she was! OK now I know that is extreme and unlikely most of the time, but it shows you that you just never know!

I think someone in that situation would just say there was a family emergency (either before or after the party) and then as the host I think you extend them the grace that they really had to miss the event without asking for further details.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is very important to you is not very important to everyone else. Take a step back. You chose a "not cheap" venue, this guest did not ask to be invited.

Wtf?!?

If that was the case, and the guest didn’t want to go, they could have declined.

No one said the guest didn't WANT to go, but OP is acting like the guest should feel privileged to be one of the elite 8 invited!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is very important to you is not very important to everyone else. Take a step back. You chose a "not cheap" venue, this guest did not ask to be invited.

Huh?

What don't you get? OP is acting like this family did something terribly wrong. Of course OP wanted their kid to have a good party, but sometimes things come up. This party didn't hold the same importance to the guest as it does to OP. She needs to move on. These things happen.

It's incredibly poor manners to just not show up. It's not really about "importance." And most people realize that if you're booking a venue, it costs a set amount. Your kid's place could have gone to another kid. Good grief. It's basic etiquette -- and to your point, you're telegraphing to the family that their event/kids party is of little importance, which is kinda mean!!

You and the OP have no idea why the parent did not bring the kid. Her first response is to be annoyed and condemn the guest instead of thinking hmm, hope everything is ok.. and understand if there's a reason why they are sharing why they weren't there. Things happen in families that are private.

+1000 It could have been an extremely sensitive issue that the parent did not feel comfortable explaining in more detail. Here's an anecdote. One time my sister was hosting a b-day party for one of my nieces at a not cheap venue and niece's best friend was a total no show. Niece and my sister were peeved but didn't press the issue with the girl's parents. Sister found out months later someone in the girl's family had a suicide attempt the morning of the party. Good thing my sister didn't give in to a bad impulse to send a text conveying how peeved she was! OK now I know that is extreme and unlikely most of the time, but it shows you that you just never know!

I think someone in that situation would just say there was a family emergency (either before or after the party) and then as the host I think you extend them the grace that they really had to miss the event without asking for further details.

As someone who was raised in a very dysfunctional family, there are times where we would never have done that for fear of follow-up questions. It might seem easy to you, but you're not in their shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woukd you have the same annoyed reaction if the mom have you a reason? Does the excuse make a difference to you?
Whatever the reason, the kid was a no-show.

Yes, I think giving a reason (even just broadly without details, e.g. family emergency, illness, etc.) shows you at least appreciate having been invited.

I had a friend who would just randomly no show for things without explanation or turn down invites with nothing more than “sorry, can’t make it.” Never a reason or “we’re out of town this weekend, let’s plan something for later this month.” So I stopped including her on invites because it seemed like she just didn’t care/want to be included. But then I found out years later she was mad that I had dumped her and didn’t include her in my plans anymore.

Social relationships require investment, even just casual relationships with other parents that your kids are friends with.

So many people on this board complain about not having a network of friends here but then think no showing to things without explanation is totally ok. I’ve managed to build a lot of friendships with various groups because I actually respond to invites, reciprocate, give explanations when I can’t make something, etc.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the mom woke up hungover and didn't know what to do/afraid they were dying.

[Anonymous]

That other mother was super rude. And now you know what to expect from her. I hope your son had fun anyway!

[Anonymous]

I’m my experience there is usually at least one day of cancellation- at my daughters birthday this month we had 1 text they were sick and 1 texted the parent got called into work. So these things happen and I would just always expect at least one mishap. Not much you can do.

[Anonymous]

I can’t even believe some of these replies. OP, yes you are right to be annoyed.

If you say that you will be somewhere and someone else is paying for you/hosting you/expecting you, it is important that you either show up as expected or communicate when things change to let them know that something like illness or another unanticipated situation has come up. At that time you apologize because you assume the host will be feeling potential disappointment and/or has incurred costs pertaining to your presence.

If there is some very extenuating circumstance that precludes you from communicating at the appropriate time before the party (say you got in a car accident or something), then at your very earliest opportunity you communicate profuse apologies for having missed the event without notice.

At no point do you need to give the host a specific excuse or explanation as to why you could not attend. It is fine to keep things private if that is your wish. But both the lack of appropriate communication timing and the lack of genuine apology in this case (texter did technically say sorry but it was weak sauce) would be grounds for OP to feel annoyance/irritation. They were rude. You are justified in being annoyed. I’m validating you and I hate when dcum trolls always stand up for rude people and say give grace. And then there’s really nothing to do but let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is very important to you is not very important to everyone else. Take a step back. You chose a "not cheap" venue, this guest did not ask to be invited.

Huh?

What don't you get? OP is acting like this family did something terribly wrong. Of course OP wanted their kid to have a good party, but sometimes things come up. This party didn't hold the same importance to the guest as it does to OP. She needs to move on. These things happen.

It's incredibly poor manners to just not show up. It's not really about "importance." And most people realize that if you're booking a venue, it costs a set amount. Your kid's place could have gone to another kid. Good grief. It's basic etiquette -- and to your point, you're telegraphing to the family that their event/kids party is of little importance, which is kinda mean!!

You and the OP have no idea why the parent did not bring the kid. Her first response is to be annoyed and condemn the guest instead of thinking hmm, hope everything is ok.. and understand if there's a reason why they are sharing why they weren't there. Things happen in families that are private.

+1000 It could have been an extremely sensitive issue that the parent did not feel comfortable explaining in more detail. Here's an anecdote. One time my sister was hosting a b-day party for one of my nieces at a not cheap venue and niece's best friend was a total no show. Niece and my sister were peeved but didn't press the issue with the girl's parents. Sister found out months later someone in the girl's family had a suicide attempt the morning of the party. Good thing my sister didn't give in to a bad impulse to send a text conveying how peeved she was! OK now I know that is extreme and unlikely most of the time, but it shows you that you just never know!

I think someone in that situation would just say there was a family emergency (either before or after the party) and then as the host I think you extend them the grace that they really had to miss the event without asking for further details.

As someone who was raised in a very dysfunctional family, there are times where we would never have done that for fear of follow-up questions. It might seem easy to you, but you're not in their shoes.

+1 usually they are choosing to look rude because the alternative is even worse. Just give some grace