Offering Support to Jewish Friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have family in the south of Israel and not one of my non Jewish friends reached out to me.

I'm sorry about this. Could they be worried that you'd want to discuss the larger situation? There have been some great examples here of people expressing sympathy for friends' deep anxiety and family members, but some friends may want to avoid having to weigh in on the whole situation with the Palestinians?

Yes, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t find Israeli suffering heart wrenching. But most also feel a little stuck because they feel awful for the many innocent civilians in Gaza now, too. I can’t stop thinking about the terror and trauma of all the children. It’s a tragedy all the way around.

I thought Biden delivered an excellent speech, and Hamas should be unequivocally condemned. But I couldn’t think of a way to post that didn’t seem like I was centering myself somehow, if that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just sharing my perspective (I can’t speak for everyone. I am Jewish and grew up in a very Jewish area and have many friends on social media who are Jewish, but also lots who are not. After George Floyd lots of people of all backgrounds were posting. When Russia invaded Ukraine, lots of people were posting. During me too lots of people were posting, and so on and so forth. Yes, it’s a bit performative. But the overall vibe was we are in this together and we offer our support. This week, in my feed, lots of people were posting… but they were all Jewish. It was very conspicuous to me. The non Jews were not saying anything. I didn’t need their personal condolences but their silence felt eerie to me, like maybe they were keeping silent because they actually thought it was ok what happened or justified. We got impassioned letters about every other topic from the school system, but nothing for days about this (and then some really lukewarm messaging). In the absence of support or condemnation of the attack, we noticed this was not like all the other incidents where violence was called out. It added discomfort to an already very upsetting situation.

I'm Jewish and noticed the same thing. After other incidents in recent years, FB was full of BLM posts, Ukraine flags, etc. Yes, it's probably performative but, as you said, it was also a show of support. This time it's crickets. It's not politically correct for liberals (and I'm a Dem.) to acknowledge Jewish victims. Per usual, Jews (whether Israeli or of other nationalities) are held responsible for the acts of the Israeli government -- a standard that doesn't apply to other groups. The murder of Jews - elderly, women, children, young people at a peace concert - is minimized because supposedly they brought it upon themselves. These same people would never want to be held to account for Trump's actions. Yet for Jews it's different.

I am devastated by what's happening in Israel. I, and most Jewish people I know, have a connection to Israel (whether it's having friends or family there, having Israeli expat friends here, having spent time in Israel, etc.) and some are descendants of Holocaust survivors. A few non-Jewish friends reached out to me, simply to express how terrible things are and are thinking of me, and it meant a lot to me!

On the other hand, I've seen so much antisemitism this week in comments online and some of the statements on college campuses...it's very disheartening. I have a colleague who is very nice and very progressive. We see each other about once a week and always touch on current events in our conversations. It was so obvious when she said nothing this week, which I guess was a show of restraint for her.

Some of the supportive comments here from non-Jewish people made me feel better. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just sharing my perspective (I can’t speak for everyone. I am Jewish and grew up in a very Jewish area and have many friends on social media who are Jewish, but also lots who are not. After George Floyd lots of people of all backgrounds were posting. When Russia invaded Ukraine, lots of people were posting. During me too lots of people were posting, and so on and so forth. Yes, it’s a bit performative. But the overall vibe was we are in this together and we offer our support. This week, in my feed, lots of people were posting… but they were all Jewish. It was very conspicuous to me. The non Jews were not saying anything. I didn’t need their personal condolences but their silence felt eerie to me, like maybe they were keeping silent because they actually thought it was ok what happened or justified. We got impassioned letters about every other topic from the school system, but nothing for days about this (and then some really lukewarm messaging). In the absence of support or condemnation of the attack, we noticed this was not like all the other incidents where violence was called out. It added discomfort to an already very upsetting situation.

FWIW, non-Jew and my instinct has been to reach out. Yet there have been multiple posters in threads here who’ve made me feel like that could be received badly, as though I’m accusing people of having dual loyalty or something. Which is not remotely the intent.

NP. i'm jewish and my family lives in a yishuv 15 miles from gaza. i have been barely functional since saturday and have been so incredibly thankful for the large number of non-jewish friends who have reached out to me and who continue to reach out to me, even this evening. i feel "seen" in a way that i never have before. please reach out.

PP and I’m really sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's something I can't really discuss in real life.

Over the past few days, I've seen a lot of social media offering support to Jewish friends and posts from Jewish friends suggesting people offer support. People have reached out to me in light of what is happening in Israel that never did during say, the synagogue attacks in the United States or other events that felt much more connected to me as a Jew in the United States. I get the good instinct, which is why I'd never say anything other than thank you. But does this make anyone else uncomfortable? I get that religion and politics are inexorably intertwined in Israel; however, there is something I really don't like about the assumption that, as a Jew, I have a special connection to the country of Israel, any more than I would, Ukraine, for example, where my grandparents actually came from. It seems a really short distance from the dual loyalty trope.

In case this is too vague, I've had texts, for example, from people I've haven't spoken to in months, offering "support to my family in this difficult time."

I think people are uncomfortable and they’re not sure what to do. My husband is also Jewish and has heard from some people that he hasn’t heard from in a long time, yes, it makes him very uncomfortable because he is not at all religious and he thinks it’s a little odd. That said, I think most are well-meaning.

[Anonymous]

I will be honest, I have appreciated folks reaching out to check if I'm ok. All four of my grandparents were in camps in Germany. I've been to Israel many times. I've also been to Palestine several times. Conditions on both sizes are horrible - while I do find much of this performative, I also see that most Americans don't have a deep understanding of the pain in that area.

As a non-practicing Jew who knows all to quickly how things can turn (my grandmother spent 3 days being held by germans and raped over and over) - I worry for my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jew here. My non-Jewish friends and family didn't reach out to me after Pittsburgh or so far related to Israel, even though I work in a Jewish institution and regularly attend synagogue. My take after Pittsburgh was that, of course, everyone was appalled by what had happened, so I didn't really need anyone to specifically check on me, because I could assume they weren't supportive of massacring people. Would it have been nice for someone to ask me how I was doing after Pittsburgh? Absolutely. But I wasn't really hurt that nobody did, because there was no doubt in my mind that they were horrified.

The difference I feel with regard to the current situation in Israel is that not only has nobody checked in to see how I'm feeling about the situation or how my friends and coworkers who live there are doing, but that so many of my non-Jewish friends (and honestly some of my lefty/DSA Jewish friends) are offering up "nuanced" takes on the violence, as if there can be any justification for Hamas' slaughter. SO MANY of them are posting about oppression in Gaza without a WORD of sympathy for behe@ded Israeli babies or r@ped Israeli women or mut!lated Israeli grandparents. And saying "oh, Hamas is doing this because of XYZ Israeli policy" is f*ing excuses and victim blaming. There is NO excuse.

We can talk about Israeli policy toward Gaza and we can talk about US and international aid and we can talk about what Palestinian freedom without terrorism would/could possibly look like (not now, because I don't have the space in my heart for it), but we need to also talk about Jewish and Israeli pain. You want to add nuance to this war? Let's talk about the complicated relationship between Israel and the Jewish Diaspora. Let's talk about the balance between security and freedom. Let's talk about how we didn't want to be judged by President Trump and maybe Israel doesn't want to be judged by Bibi. Let's talk about how I have so many liberal Jewish friends (myself included) who support human rights and don't like the right wing government in Israel and also need Israel to exist, because of the Holocaust and because of Charlottesville and because of Pittsburgh. And I have so many liberal Jewish friends who have to bury their Jewishness in certain liberal spaces in order to advocate for others, because Jewish = Israel in those spaces and intersectionality is great, unless it's Jewish. It's HARD to want ALL THE THINGS at once, but here we are.

So, yes, I think the non-Jews need to say something and check in.

This post by PP really captured how as a Jew I feel doubly hurt by the silence of others in the aftermath of this mass murder of Jews. I thought this op-ed in the Denver Post captured it well too:
https://www.denverpost.com/2023/10/12/hamas-terrorism-israel-friednash-wedding-celebration/

[Anonymous]

Are people also wondering the same about Palestinians? Muslims? Or is it okay that they are dying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are people also wondering the same about Palestinians? Muslims? Or is it okay that they are dying

and it's terrible, terrible about the loss of jewish lives, Israeli lives, muslim lives. and there is a much larger context

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are people also wondering the same about Palestinians? Muslims? Or is it okay that they are dying

there are many, many more Jewish people in the US than Palestinian. So most people don’t know any Palestinians. But in NE cities like DC everyone knows someone Jewish. So that’s why this is a topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people also wondering the same about Palestinians? Muslims? Or is it okay that they are dying

there are many, many more Jewish people in the US than Palestinian. So most people don’t know any Palestinians. But in NE cities like DC everyone knows someone Jewish. So that’s why this is a topic.

This is kinda BS. There are lots of Palestinians in the US. And more Arab-Americans have checked on me (including Palestinian Christians) than my fellow travelers on the political left. They understand that there has been an epic change in the relationship between our two peoples. Whereas the crunchy white intellectuals are reverting to carrying the water of white supremacy and importing chattel slavery notions of race against the backdrop of mass roses, beheaded children, etc. And I have checked on them, and we have cried together - because Hamas is a terrorist group - that film it’s massacres and torture, and that changed history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people also wondering the same about Palestinians? Muslims? Or is it okay that they are dying

there are many, many more Jewish people in the US than Palestinian. So most people don’t know any Palestinians. But in NE cities like DC everyone knows someone Jewish. So that’s why this is a topic.

This is kinda BS. There are lots of Palestinians in the US. And more Arab-Americans have checked on me (including Palestinian Christians) than my fellow travelers on the political left. They understand that there has been an epic change in the relationship between our two peoples. Whereas the crunchy white intellectuals are reverting to carrying the water of white supremacy and importing chattel slavery notions of race against the backdrop of mass roses, beheaded children, etc. And I have checked on them, and we have cried together - because Hamas is a terrorist group - that film it’s massacres and torture, and that changed history.

C'mon now. This isn't true, and telling yourself you're a victim isn't good for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people also wondering the same about Palestinians? Muslims? Or is it okay that they are dying

there are many, many more Jewish people in the US than Palestinian. So most people don’t know any Palestinians. But in NE cities like DC everyone knows someone Jewish. So that’s why this is a topic.

This is kinda BS. There are lots of Palestinians in the US. And more Arab-Americans have checked on me (including Palestinian Christians) than my fellow travelers on the political left. They understand that there has been an epic change in the relationship between our two peoples. Whereas the crunchy white intellectuals are reverting to carrying the water of white supremacy and importing chattel slavery notions of race against the backdrop of mass roses, beheaded children, etc. And I have checked on them, and we have cried together - because Hamas is a terrorist group - that film it’s massacres and torture, and that changed history.

C'mon now. This isn't true, and telling yourself you're a victim isn't good for you.

Your antisemitism isn’t good for me - and likely poisonous for your children.

-Brown Jewess Not Putting up with Your Inner Bile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are people also wondering the same about Palestinians? Muslims? Or is it okay that they are dying

Start your own thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not Jewish, and the difference to me this time is that I have seen social media posts after this attack that specifically say “your silence is noticed”.

I'd be pretty much done with anyone who posts that.

It’s ridiculous. People posted that with regard to BLM and George Floyd. I thought it was ridiculous then and think it’s ridiculous now.

Same. Post your outrage if that is your thing. My thing is writing letters and donating money without fanfare. Silence does not always mean consent.

Thank you.

I’m Jewish. One non-Jewish person reached out to me. I reached out to a Jewish friend and they thanked me but didn’t offer the same type of support.

Two other Jewish friends said nothing about the topic.

It’s probably better not to judge people too harshly if they are silent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are people also wondering the same about Palestinians? Muslims? Or is it okay that they are dying

there are many, many more Jewish people in the US than Palestinian. So most people don’t know any Palestinians. But in NE cities like DC everyone knows someone Jewish. So that’s why this is a topic.

This is kinda BS. There are lots of Palestinians in the US. And more Arab-Americans have checked on me (including Palestinian Christians) than my fellow travelers on the political left. They understand that there has been an epic change in the relationship between our two peoples. Whereas the crunchy white intellectuals are reverting to carrying the water of white supremacy and importing chattel slavery notions of race against the backdrop of mass roses, beheaded children, etc. And I have checked on them, and we have cried together - because Hamas is a terrorist group - that film it’s massacres and torture, and that changed history.

C'mon now. This isn't true, and telling yourself you're a victim isn't good for you.

Your antisemitism isn’t good for me - and likely poisonous for your children.

-Brown Jewess Not Putting up with Your Inner Bile.

Your persecution complex is entirely unjustified by anything in that post, and wanting to be a victim so badly is definitely not good for you.